When should a cheater be given a second chance?

[cleasach]

Originally Posted by moongirl00

I think a lot of it depends on cultural values, which has inferences. In some cultures, it is inferred that infidelity will happen. I am thinking of cultures such as Southern European, Latin American, and Islamic. Couples fall in love and marry and make a commitment, but at the same time, it is somewhat accepted that either partner might have affairs.

Using the word "cheater" implies that there is deception and dishonesty involved and I wonder if that is the more hurtful thing, other than the infidelity itself. Its a breech of trust and loyalty.

I think Americans are unique in the world insofar as how much stake they put on monogamy, and any incident at all of infidelity leads to an automatic betrayal and therefore must lead to divorce. While in my experience other cultures may be much more forgiving, and frankly, more realistic, about what humans are capable of in terms of monogamy.

Humans just aren't really a monogamous species, in my opinion, though raising a family within a nuclear family is the best environment for children, so it makes sense such importance will be put on a monogamous nuclear family.

I think cheating can be forgivable. Though it shouldn't be called "cheating." It should be called "natural human behavior," and not taken as a personal affront or as a personal betrayal. Its just people being imperfect.

Its more forgivable if they use protection, and are honest about it, and if its done after the marital relationship has cooled quite a lot and the sex life isn't as hot as it was when you were honeymooners.


If anyone cheats, doesn't use protection, lies, and the cheating happened when your relationship was supposed to be at its hottest, then, that is much, much harder to forgive.

If it is part of one's culture to have multiple wives or mistresses, then the people are aware of and accepting that as part of life. I have no problem with that.

But a couple who pledge fidelity to one another and then one cheats should be called cheating. The cheater, before commencing with the cheating, undoubtedly though about their significant other and how wrong it is to do this, yet chose to proceed. That says everything about what the cheater thinks about the significant other to whom they pledged monogamy. To me, there is no coming back from that.

[moongirl00]

Originally Posted by cleasach

If it is part of one's culture to have multiple wives or mistresses, then the people are aware of and accepting that as part of life. I have no problem with that.

But a couple who pledge fidelity to one another and then one cheats should be called cheating. The cheater, before commencing with the cheating, undoubtedly though about their significant other and how wrong it is to do this, yet chose to proceed. That says everything about what the cheater thinks about the significant other to whom they pledged monogamy. To me, there is no coming back from that.

I think its a part of most cultures to have mistresses and/or wives. Not American culture, though.


Imagine a culture in which the man can do what they please while the women are holed up at home unable to do anything but keep house and tend to children.


Then imagine a culture in which men are doing what they please and women are also doing what they please. If there are children they hire nannies to care for said children while said women are enjoying themselves. And there is plenty of household money to fund all this, so, no reason anyone has to shame anyone for not pulling one's weight? Said housewife gave birth to two or three children and said children are being cared for while both husband and and wife are doing things outside the home.


If the question is, "Dang, how can a wife or husband take another lover," from what I have seen its not that uncommon.


People love to have sex in new relationships. Its called honeymoon. Novelty = sexual passion.


But, 10 years on, does the same sexual passion still exist?



I am not sure. And I am not sure on the account of both men and women.



Are both men and women allowed sexual gratification? If they married someone 10 years ago and now at...10 years later, the same partner isn't quite turning them on the same way that partner did 10 years ago.


There are two options. The unsatisfied partner can just get a divorce and upgrade to someone new who is doing it for them.


Or they can stay with the tried and true partner they have been with for 10 or 15 years, and who has become as familiar as a relative. Like a sister, now. But maybe they crave that mysterious and exciting new and thrilling partner?


What should the familiar sister-type wife do? Not let him seek out some new mysterious and exciting partner?


I mean come on girl as awesome as you may be do you think your husband will be as excited by you in ten years as he is now?


Can you let him seek out new stimulation in 10 years?

[fivenine]

Depends on the circumstance.

She was at a party with her friends and hooked up with a dude one night is more forgiving versus having a long sustained affair.

[C24L]

Originally Posted by Jadyclem

Personally, I don't think cheaters deserve a second chance because I see cheating as a deliberate act and it is the highest form of disrespect and betrayal that can be mete to a partner that one claims to love. But I also understand that people sometimes get carried away and they do some funny stuffs when they get carried away. And I'm wondering if such premise can be used to give a cheater a second chance. Is there truly any justification for cheating on someone you claim to love? If yes, what are the acts that can be used to justify cheating and compel the one cheated on to forgive?

I would divorce my wife if she committed adultery on me.I would never give my wife a second chance if she committed fornication.

[Rose998]

Originally Posted by Jadyclem

Personally, I don't think cheaters deserve a second chance because I see cheating as a deliberate act and it is the highest form of disrespect and betrayal that can be mete to a partner that one claims to love. But I also understand that people sometimes get carried away and they do some funny stuffs when they get carried away. And I'm wondering if such premise can be used to give a cheater a second chance. Is there truly any justification for cheating on someone you claim to love? If yes, what are the acts that can be used to justify cheating and compel the one cheated on to forgive?

Because cheating is often the result of an unhappy marriage. If one partner ignores and neglects the other person I can see that being a contributing factor. I'm not saying it is an excuse, but a person can be at fault in other ways to bring down the relationship.

Once the cheating happens I think it's going to be really hard to repair. But I do not believe that all cheaters will cheat again. So, depending on the situation and couple, yes I think a second chance should be given.