Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Attention
Companionship
Affection
Fun
Shared interests
Boredom relief
Emotional support
Reminiscing
on mostly his schedule, without having to worry about you getting upset about his not doing enough of this or too much of that.... or snoring or leaving the toilet seat up.
Like I said, it’s not a mystery, and it’s not a male thing. It’s a human thing.
Birdie:
Oh, I see what you are saying. So there is no romantic intentions on his part. Simply the benefits you pointed out. That is hurtful but what I need to know if that is the case. You will hear some men say that a guy would never invest that much time and energy without a romantic goal. But you are saying, not true. He would invest this much time and energy to have these benefits you mentioned. Curious if anyone else agrees?
Birdie:
Oh, I see what you are saying. So there is no romantic intentions on his part. Simply the benefits you pointed out. That is hurtful but what I need to know if that is the case. You will hear some men say that a guy would never invest that much time and energy without a romantic goal. But you are saying, not true. He would invest this much time and energy to have these benefits you mentioned. Curious if anyone else agrees?
If he was living nearby, chances are he'd have made a play for your goodies by now.
But he likes the whiff of romance from afar, no heavy lifting.
There's a part of this that I think is 100% natural and honorable, but at some point this sounds like it's gonna go sideways.
Birdie:
Oh, I see what you are saying. So there is no romantic intentions on his part. Simply the benefits you pointed out. That is hurtful but what I need to know if that is the case. You will hear some men say that a guy would never invest that much time and energy without a romantic goal. But you are saying, not true. He would invest this much time and energy to have these benefits you mentioned. Curious if anyone else agrees?
It can only be hurtful if you HOPED for romance.
And if you’re hoping for romance from another man, it’s a sign that you need to back off and settle your marriage first.
Just as an FYI, My husband thought he wanted children with me and I actually warned him off that road. But he refused to take precautions. Then I got pregnant and his world fell apart. He is a very loving and hands on father and our daughter adores him, very attached to him, but he resents his life now. I don’t need my husband financially. I am self sufficient. No matter what I will always make sure he is OK and taken care of. He is the father of my child. If it ever came to divorce, I won’t go after him for financial support. He will need that money to live. I want him to live as long as possible to be in this world for our daughter.
What's the problem then? Get a divorce. You can co-parent together.
I want to know from a guys view, what Johns motives are. What is his motivation to speak to me daily given what I mentioned about him and our situation. I’m not looking for marriage as much a some may want to chime in about that.
Turn the question around. What do you want from John? What is your motivation?
I am not a man; my DH was 25 years older than me. It was a wonderful marriage for 30 years until his death. Maybe in your case the age is the issue, but maybe there is more to it. Maybe you should be talking to your husband instead of this other guy.
As for him suggesting you leave your husband......are you complaining to him about your husband and marriage? Do you think he should say "you are miserable so stay married?"
Maybe it's time you stop talking to the old friend and take a hard look at your marriage. It might be time to fish or cut bait. But don't expect the other man that also doesn't want children to be waiting for you with open arms. As for what he wants and why he calls....why not ask him?
Birdie:
Oh, I see what you are saying. So there is no romantic intentions on his part. Simply the benefits you pointed out. That is hurtful but what I need to know if that is the case. You will hear some men say that a guy would never invest that much time and energy without a romantic goal. But you are saying, not true. He would invest this much time and energy to have these benefits you mentioned. Curious if anyone else agrees?
I agree. Some men aren't only sexually motivated, but in my experience, dealing with the ones who don't want sex is going to be a colossal Mod cut., because they are going to have some major undealt with issues or be USING you in some Mod cut. way. I'm serious. An unhappily married woman would be an easy target for this too.
Another thing you need to really drill into your head is that some men have morals and standards that guide them, and it's serious. More serious than you seem to want to believe. An example might be that a man might have a rule to never mess around with a woman who is married/taken, no matter what. It doesn't matter if she's unhappy in her marriage or that they have such a strong connection - he's still not going there. An example of a standard would be, he won't get with a woman who already has kids, and none of the other stuff matters in this case either - he just won't do it. You have to learn to accept these things. This is especially true if you find yourself single again, you are going to run into men who will find you to be un-datable because you don't meet their standards and vice versa.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 08-03-2020 at 08:09 PM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
I agree. Some men aren't only sexually motivated, but in my experience, dealing with the ones who don't want sex is going to be a colossal [Snip.], because they are going to have some major undealt with issues or be USING you in some [Bleep.] way. I'm serious. An unhappily married woman would be an easy target for this too.
Another thing you need to really drill into your head is that some men have morals and standards that guide them, and it's serious. More serious than you seem to want to believe. An example might be that a man might have a rule to never mess around with a woman who is married/taken, no matter what. It doesn't matter if she's unhappy in her marriage or that they have such a strong connection - he's still not going there. An example of a standard would be, he won't get with a woman who already has kids, and none of the other stuff matters in this case either - he just won't do it. You have to learn to accept these things. This is especially true if you find yourself single again, you are going to run into men who will find you to be un-datable because you don't meet their standards and vice versa.
Thanks, I think you are majorly on to something here. I wonder what he is using me for. Emotional crutch maybe as another said.....John is always telling me to leave my husband though. If he doesn’t see a future with me, I wonder why he pushes that so hard. Maybe misery loves company.
Turn the question around. What do you want from John? What is your motivation?
I am not a man; my DH was 25 years older than me. It was a wonderful marriage for 30 years until his death. Maybe in your case the age is the issue, but maybe there is more to it. Maybe you should be talking to your husband instead of this other guy.
As for him suggesting you leave your husband......are you complaining to him about your husband and marriage? Do you think he should say "you are miserable so stay married?"
Maybe it's time you stop talking to the old friend and take a hard look at your marriage. It might be time to fish or cut bait. But don't expect the other man that also doesn't want children to be waiting for you with open arms. As for what he wants and why he calls....why not ask him?
Thanks. I asked John and he just says that he cares about me and wants to see me happy.
The distance is a good natural barrier. It allows him to push boundaries without risking (in his mind) that you’ll actually fall for him.
If you were in the same town I doubt he’d be leaning on you this hard.
And he’s already told you he doesn’t want kids, so he probably thinks everything is pretty clear.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
