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Why does that seem to be the answer from everyone?
Divorce him. Your too young?
Go live your life. Your too young?
Yes, she maybe...but she DID marry him! She was apparently old enough to make that decision on her own, so why suggest for her to duck and run now?
I think she has done her own math on the age deal.
Where is the positive statement? They are already married.
Why should I post something positive? She asked my opinion and I give it. Just because someone marries does not mean that they made the right decision. Did you read her entire post? Sounds like she married an idiot to me, thus in my opinion, making a mistake.
She also admitted to dating him through-out high school. Considering their ages, am I the only one who thinks that there is something peculiar with this?
Hi. He sounds very immature and maybe he'll grow up, but maybe he won't for a long time. I'd have a talk with him, set some mutually decided upon goals for your marriage and try to achieve them. These need to be actionable things. Communication is essential here - does he even have a clue that something's wrong? Anyway, give it a go, but do not have children unless your marriage is on solid ground! Children can tax even solid relationships. If he's not willing to work on your marriage, then maybe he's not committed. At that point, I'd separate and see if he comes around. If he doesn't, then move on. You are not stuck. Oh, and that newlywed love doesn't usually last forever. It changes like everything else in life. Good luck.
Hi. He sounds very immature and maybe he'll grow up, but maybe he won't for a long time. I'd have a talk with him, set some mutually decided upon goals for your marriage and try to achieve them. These need to be actionable things. Communication is essential here - does he even have a clue that something's wrong? Anyway, give it a go, but do not have children unless your marriage is on solid ground! Children can tax even solid relationships. If he's not willing to work on your marriage, then maybe he's not committed. At that point, I'd separate and see if he comes around. If he doesn't, then move on. You are not stuck. Oh, and that newlywed love doesn't usually last forever. It changes like everything else in life. Good luck.
Why should I post something positive? She asked my opinion and I give it. Just because someone marries does not mean that they made the right decision. Did you read her entire post? Sounds like she married an idiot to me, thus in my opinion, making a mistake.
She also admitted to dating him through-out high school. Considering their ages, am I the only one who thinks that there is something peculiar with this?
Actually, her question in the end was "Is there hope or should i just get out of this marriage while it hasn't gotten too bad?" Not in that entire post did she ask for your "opinion" on the matter. She asked for ADVICE on what's already happened.
Apparently, some people who have no useful advice to give like to jump out and condescend as many people as they can run across... Why, I don't know... to feel superior... make themselves feel better... hmm... don't quite know.
As far as the ages. I guess that's a matter of opinion. A four year difference always looks soooo horrible when people are in the teenage/young adult years, especially to people that want to nit pick at things. I'm 27 and my bf is 39. If you want to nit pick and "think back" to his teenage years... Oh my God! When he was 12, I was just being born! Ahhh!
When she's 25 and he's 29, are people going to be saying, oh my God! But he's so much older than you! If she was like 12 and he was 19, that'd be a problem. But teenagers date at 15 nowadays and 19's not such a big deal, only for those who choose to let it be. You fail to realize High School is a 4 year span... A Senior dating a Freshman happens quite a bit. (Lucky Freshman) But, oh no, he graduates, and she's now a Sophomore and now it's "gross"? Really now.
What matters is who the people are and how responsible and grown they are, not their measly 4 year age difference. Everyone nowadays seems to have a problem with young people and their dating choices. How do people learn? By DOING. Or should they just wait and not date until they're 30... then finally find the right person through experience by age 40? She was in High School for God's sake. Not Junior High. Frankly, there's more things to worry about with High Schoolers than that...
Sounds like she married an idiot to me, thus in my opinion, making a mistake.
If this is the case, then she should have known he was an idiot before she made the decision to take her vows to marry him. They were High school sweethearts. I`m sure that she knew his personality then.
Yes...everyone makes mistakes, but don`t you think it would be a nice suggestion to offer her advice about communicating with her husband, instead of jumping right in there, to "give your personal opinion" on what an idiot he is, and how she "made a mistake?"
I noticed the post about how dumb husbands can be sometimes and lots of women posted stuff about what a moron their husbands are.
So I've been married for only 2 years with my highschool love but now I'm thinking i made a huge mistake!
The first 2 years of marriage has been said to be the toughest. This is where you are really starting to get to know each other in terms of living together. Sharing responsibilities, taking care fo each other, creating a home, learning to resolve conflicts and not simply being able to call it a night and go home.
It doesn't necessarily mean that you have made a mistake. It just means that you have to work hard at improving communication, learning to compromise and striving to meet each other's needs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pyan3
I'm still going for my bachelor's degree while i'm trying to make him go to a tecnicale school to do something with his life. Mind i'm only 19 and he is 23.
He, everyday is annoying me more and more, so what should I do ladies, please help me.
I feel like although i'm younger i'm always the one having to take care of him and take care of bills and worry about everything in our future, while he is always just never worried about our future or have any future goals!
Studies throughout history show that girls mature faster than guys. In your situation, this may just very well be the case. It doesn't sound like he is necessarily a bad guy. Just slightly immature and lacking direction for his life. The mistake may not have been marrying him persay, but marrying so young without set and established goals. But the fact is you are married now and what you need to do is try to work together at making the marriage work. Marriage does take work and a good one does not just happen by chance.
I don't know what you and your husband's communication is like. If and how you guys have talked over this issue and how you are feeling. But I think that is where to begin. You need to have a good heart to heart conversation with him and let him know how you are feeling. Owning your feelings. You have to let him know what it is you need from him, he is not a mind reader and left to his own, chances are he will overlook and not notice that you are feeling annoyed or frustrrated. Or if he does notice, won't understand why.
The two of you sound like great candidates for marriage counseling. It doesn't seem like there are issues in your relationship that cannot be worked out and fixed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pyan3
Right now i still feel that love that you feel when you're newly weds but i fear that is going away so what should I do, what have you done to stay in that relationship?
Is there hope or should i just get out of this marriage while it hasn't gotten too bad?
The good news is.... you still feel that love. The bad news is... you fear it is going away. So the key here is figuring out what to do. First, you have to determine within yourself if you, not what others think, but you want to invest the time and effort into this marriage to make it work. You need to determine if he wants to and is willing to do the same. Then together you both need to start doing what it takes to make it work if that is what both of you want to do.
Is there hope? Based on what you have shared... Absolutely. I wouldn't toss out the baby with the bath water on this one. The issues you bring up are definately workable, you may need assistance, it may take some time and tons of patience, but they definately can be worked out. Again, communicate, possibly seek out some assistance through marriage counseling. He may not know what he wants to do as far as career goals and future. Maybe through the counseling he can figure that out a bit. There are also aptitude, personality and career assessment tests that you can find all throughout the net that can help him get an idea of what kind of work he would be good at and enjoy. Sometimes just a little guidance and push in the right direction is all it takes. And if he loves you as much as you love him, knowing that it is affecting you this much may make him take a deeper look into what he needs to do to secure your relationship and ensure that it doesn't fail.
I wish you the best and hope some of this, if any, helped.
If this is the case, then she should have known he was an idiot before she made the decision to take her vows to marry him. They were High school sweethearts. I`m sure that she knew his personality then.
Yes...everyone makes mistakes, but don`t you think it would be a nice suggestion to offer her advice about communicating with her husband, instead of jumping right in there, to "give your personal opinion" on what an idiot he is, and how she "made a mistake?"
The OP stated that while they dated through-out high-school her boy-friend had a job, thus probably giving the impression that he was moving in some sort of direction with his life. Now, she grows irritated with him, and according to her; she is the one who worries about the bills and any sort of future that they may have together while her husband does nothing of the sort. Something changed along the way. Maybe she saw it coming and ignored it (by being naive), so yeah, it is possible that she knew what she was doing.
No, I do not think that it would be a nice suggestion to give happy advice to what I see as a bad situation. This guy may not be abusive, but the OP is going to have to carry the weight of the relationship on her shoulders for what could be many years to come. Why sugar-coat that burden?
Oh I am sorry, is this National Don't Hurt Anybody's Feelings Day? I wasn't aware. I live in the real-world.
I personally believe that some people (men or women) LIKE the attention they get when they complain about what an idiot they are married to.
I assume no one put a gun to their head to force them into marriage. No one forces the to stay AND more importantly NO ONE forces them to have children with these people, there by tying them to this idiot for the rest of your life.
I think some people feel more important when they are carrying someone, mothering someone, ENABLING SOMEONE.
Frankly my sympathy only goes so far.
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