Boyfriends still in his exs daughters life but shes not his (wife, girlfriends)
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My boyfriend and i have been together for 3yrs now he was currently in the process of getting a divorce when we first got together he did so just a month after anyways he and his ex have a kid but she already had a kid with someone else when they got together so he took on the responsibility to help with the girl that wasnt his im not sure how long they were actually together 5+ yrs i know that anyways the girl called him dad he and his family got close with this little girl and when his ex decided to leave the state with his son and her daughter he chased after them of course but they went to court got things settled and he got visitation with his son for summer breaks well the girl was told my bf wasnt her dad and found out who her dad really was and started a bond with her real dads family well my bf and his family still buy her birthday gifts and call her and even bought her a plane ticket to visit for the summer with her brother his actual kid this girl knows he aint her dad and has a bond with her real dad now but my bf and his family wont let her be. Ok so i have kids also none with my bf hes good to them BUT he wont give them a chance to get close with him because hes still close with this other kid that aint his i honestly dont think its fair for my kids. His family wont give my kids the time a day they have never met them nor asked to meet them dont know there names anything 3yrs we been together and he wont even try to include them with his family stuff but this other little girl gets included with everything. Ive told him how uncomfortable i was with the situation and he seemed like he understood and started slowly letting her go but then everytime he goes to visit his mom and grandma they always make sure to tell him they talked to the girl and makes him feel bad for not talking with her anymore....... Im so confused by it all i dont know what to think anymore... Any advice to what i should do?
Last edited by Enairda91; 08-02-2021 at 06:14 PM..
My boyfriend and i have been together for 3yrs now he was currently in the process of getting a divorce when we first got together he did so just a month after anyways he and his ex have a kid but she already had a kid with someone else when they got together so he took on the responsibility to help with the girl that wasnt his im not sure how long they were actually together 5+ yrs i know that anyways the girl called him dad he and his family got close with this little girl and when his ex decided to leave the state with his son and her daughter he chased after them of course but they went to court got things settled and he got visitation with his son for summer breaks well the girl was told my bf wasnt her dad and found out who her dad really was and started a bond with her real dads family well my bf and his family still buy her birthday gifts and call her and even bought her a plane ticket to visit for the summer with her brother his actual kid this girl knows he aint her dad and has a bond with her real dad now but my bf and his family wont let her be. Ok so i have kids also none with my bf hes good to them BUT he wont give them a chance to get close with him because hes still close with this other kid that aint his i honestly dont think its fair for my kids. His family wont give my kids the time a day they have never met them nor asked to meet them dont know there names anything 3yrs we been together and he wont even try to include them with his family stuff but this other little girl gets included with everything. Ive told him how uncomfortable i was with the situation and he seemed like he understood and started slowly letting her go but then everytime he goes to visit his mom and grandma they always make sure to tell him they talked to the girl and makes him feel bad for not talking with her anymore....... Im so confused by it all i dont know what to think anymore... Any advice to what i should do?
This definitely isn't this little girl's fault that her parent's lives are so screwed up, but blood isn't always thicker than water and love from as many sources as she can get isn't a bad thing.
All of that aside, after three years, things between you regarding this issue are unlikely to improve--at least judging from what you wrote. For your children's sake and your own, moving on might be the thing to do, however hard that might be. I'd ask why you put up with this nonsense for three years, but I can also understand that the hope that things might get better with time might have caused you to keep giving him and his family more time to bond with your children. Your kids and you are not even getting crumbs from this man--why continue to do this to them and yourself?
I keep thinkin things will get better like u said but he acts like its not a problem my kids deserve better i know. And ur probably right about moving on. Its just gonna be hard cause we do have 3yrs together
The little girl is the half sister of your BF's son. Your children are not related to his son. I suspect that is the reason why. It's kind of your bf's family to include her with her brother in their lives.
I had a friend who used to sometimes babysit his ex-wife's son that she had with her new husband. When I asked why, he said "he's also my son's brother." It was kind of him to treat both the children well.
My advice to you is to use paragraphs and periods. It would make your wall of words easier to read. And stop being jealous of a little girl. It's not becoming. You can't change the behavior of your BF's relatives, which is a good thing, because they are being kind to the sister of their grandson. There is no rule that says they need to have anything to do with your children. It may be that they really bonded with his ex-wife and for whatever reason do not care for you. Either way it's not your business if they have a bond with the little girl.
You don't give the ages of your children. You say your bf treats them well. Don't blame the little girl for what you perceive as your bf not being close to them. She lives in a different state for heaven's sake. From what you've said he's no longer contacting the little girl because you didn't like it. You may have gotten her out of his life, but that's not going to make him love your children. He either will or he won't, but you can't force it. Hopefully their own father can provide that.
The little girl is the half sister of your BF's son. Your children are not related to his son. I suspect that is the reason why. It's kind of your bf's family to include her with her brother in their lives.
Seriously, this. OP, you are asking this guy to just drop a kid who called him "Dad" for years, like a bad habit?? So what if she has a new "Dad" in her life? She can't love and care about two people? Family isn't about dumping old family members just because you get new ones to add into the mix. It's not like getting a new car; you don't have to trade in the old one. Years of familial regard don't just... melt away. Maybe your emotions work that way but most people's don't (and shouldn't).
OP, you have two separate issues here: he and his family treat your kids like crap (we'll talk about that again in a sec), and you're mad for some reason because he still has contact with someone he was a father figure to as a child. The two situations are not related. This girl has nothing to do with the way he treats your kids. If she was out of the picture, he would no doubt be the same.
Now: you want to stick around in this relationship just because it has longevity. IOW, you're looking to throw good money after bad (metaphorically speaking). And who will pay for it? Your kids. You really want to stick with a guy who treats your kids like persona non grata (as does his family), and make them live/grow up with that simply because you're afraid to cut your losses??
Finally: you say he "won't let her be." Are you saying she doesn't want contact with him but he insists on it? Or are you just saying this because you're of the opinion that he should no longer care about her and vice versa just because his relationship with someone she knows ended?
She did say he was good to her kids, but not close because of the little girl. It would have nothing to do with the little girl. OP doesn't give the ages of her children or how their relationship is with their bio father which could be a factor.
OP, how old are your kids? Were is their dad? Do they have a relationship with their dad?
You've been with your BF for 3 years. Planning on getting married? It MIGHT be your BF's parents choose not to get emotionally involved with you or your children because it's painful if and when you break up, and go your separate ways.
Also, did your BF officially adopt the little girl?
My stepson and his wife have a rocky relationship. Who knows...down the road, they may break up and divorce some day.
There's a woman he had an affair with, who has a couple of children.
If he and this woman got together, I can promise you I won't be playing grandma with her kids.
I'm not saying that's your situation, and I'm not accusing or implying anything about you. I'm just saying I can see why maybe your boyfriend's parents are keeping their distance, maybe.
You've been with your BF for 3 years. Planning on getting married? It MIGHT be your BF's parents choose not to get emotionally involved with you or your children because it's painful if and when you break up, and go your separate ways.
This. My SIL has had a revolving door of grandchildren, step-grandchildren, kids of her son’s girlfriends du jour who were totally unrelated to her, etc. etc. After a while she quit getting so emotionally invested in these children because inevitably they stopped being in her life when her son moved on to another woman. I imagine this is what is happening with your BF’s family.
I think the point the OP was trying to make was that she felt her bf wouldn't allow himself to bond completely with her kids due to the pain he experienced by having less contact with the little girl who called him dad.
I've read lots of cases of jealousy as described by E-Twist, and I was ready to go there, but I didn't really get that vibe by the time I got to the end.
The one issue I see is that the OP might not be in a position to force the issue because they are not married. Since the OP did not mention the bio dad of her kids, it seems possible he is not in the picture, which is why she feels more worried about the lack of bonding between her bf and her kids.
I don't know what the OP can do other than have an honest discussion with him to explain her hopes for his relationship with her kids and for their own relationship. I do not think she should mention the girl at all as this will just make him defensive and not hear what she really wants. The focus should not be on the girl, just on her kids.
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