Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,598,145 times
Reputation: 7618
Advertisements
Quote:
Originally Posted by MD_bls
Being made to feel guilty
Quote:
Originally Posted by MD_bls
I’ve been seeing a married man for a few years.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MD_bls
He keeps me hidden and says he wants no relationship or commitment. But if I see anyone else he becomes enraged.
IMO this^^ is about you & your own self esteem AND boundaries. He doesn’t care about you or your feelings. BUT is that a surprise since he really doesn’t seem to care about anyone but himself?
My mom would tell me when I was dating...the best way to tell how a man will treat you is to look at how he treats other women...especially their Moms, grandmas, sisters or sisters in law AND even waitresses. It’s why knowing & meeting their family can be super important IMO. BUT in your case...you don’t even need all that because he is already telling you he isn’t an honest man or doesn’t care about you now. He is already treating you badly!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by MD_bls
Can’t I make him understand that if he doesn’t want to commit to me then this is what will happen?
edit: Why would you stay? That should be your question IMO instead of this.^^
Last edited by TashaPosh; 08-07-2021 at 12:24 PM..
I feel like the extreme reaction he’s having to me sleeping w someone else means I can use this as an influence to make him think about an advantage to commitment. So absurd that he thinks he can tell me we are only friends then get upset if I am ever sexual with another but he has been obsessing about it for weeks
He's already made a commitment to his wife, and look at how well that's turned out. And why does he even know that you've slept with someone else after you supposedly left him? You're both playing stupid games with each other, because you love the drama of it.
I feel like the extreme reaction he’s having to me sleeping w someone else means I can use this as an influence to make him think about an advantage to commitment. So absurd that he thinks he can tell me we are only friends then get upset if I am ever sexual with another but he has been obsessing about it for weeks
At this point, this man isn't the problem, but your overall mindset toward what really is an untenable situation. You're being your own worst enemy.
Spitting into the wind is more productive than spending valuable brain space ruminating over ways to possibly make a useless man love and commit to you when you're only a sidepiece who allows herself to be used.
I think that Fleetiebelle called this one: both you and this man are getting off on all of this drama. There's really no other reasonable explanation for what's going on.
Well, you’re probably right, But it’s bc I’d rather have the highs and drama with him than boredom and security w anyone else. My hope was telling him about even brief involvement w another man would make him so jealous (which it certainly seems to have done) that he’d realize there’s a reason to commit to me. But now he’s just punishing me for it which is so unfair since right before I did it, he claimed interest in some other woman and told me to move on!!
Well, you’re probably right, But it’s bc I’d rather have the highs and drama with him than boredom and security w anyone else. My hope was telling him about even brief involvement w another man would make him so jealous (which it certainly seems to have done) that he’d realize there’s a reason to commit to me. But now he’s just punishing me for it which is so unfair since right before I did it, he claimed interest in some other woman and told me to move on!!
You have no right to "fairness." In fact, you've no rights at all to this man. Mod cut.
So, assuming that this story is not a novice attempt at a bad romance novel in the vein of 9 1/2 Weeks: you do realize that a healthy relationship with a man who's free and able to commit to you isn't an either/or proposition, don't you? That there's a happy medium between constant drama and sheer boredom?
I remember your earlier thread, so allowing yourself to be treated thusly seems to be a pattern with you. Have you ever asked yourself why you choose to date such men?
It's my hope that this man has had a vasectomy and/or you're no longer of childbearing age, because using a pregnancy as a means of keeping this man around is likely the next step with such a warped way of thinking about love and commitment to a man who wants neither from you and will never give it to you in return.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 08-07-2021 at 09:04 PM..
Reason: Personal attack.
Well, you’re probably right, But it’s bc I’d rather have the highs and drama with him than boredom and security w anyone else. My hope was telling him about even brief involvement w another man would make him so jealous (which it certainly seems to have done) that he’d realize there’s a reason to commit to me. But now he’s just punishing me for it which is so unfair since right before I did it, he claimed interest in some other woman and told me to move on!!
So you're as manipulative as the self-professed sociopath. Gotcha
I’ve been seeing a married man for a few years. He moved to the opposite coast from his wife and son. Says he hasn’t made any physical contact with his wife in years and they’re staying together for the kid and because he doesn’t want to lose half of his wealth. He keeps me hidden and says he wants no relationship or commitment. But if I see anyone else he becomes enraged.
you should set a standard and you never mess with a married person. If they're married but they're messing with you you will always be second banana and if you don't value yourself more than that no man will value you.
More specific to your situation he hugs you because he's ashamed of you. You are his guilty pleasure. If he's getting angry with you because you're seeing other people this is because he wants to control you.
There is probably a very good reason why his wife stayed on the other coast.
Quote:
At one point he told me he wanted some other woman romantically and she was coming to stay with him for a few weeks, and that I should move on. We barely spoke for about a month. I did date somebody and slept with them once. Recently I told this married man. Now all he does is try to make me feel horrible for it. From my standpoint if he doesn’t want commitment with me then he has no right to make me feel this way. And it’s one person one time in years whom I slept with! He intermittently gets turned on and wants the sexual details of that one encounter, and totally shuts me out and makes me feel guilty for it. Can’t I make him understand that if he doesn’t want to commit to me then this is what will happen?
If you have any self-respect end this relationship. If you ever want to have any self-respect you need to end this relationship.
What is so great about this guy? He doesn't love you it seems like he doesn't even like you, you're not even second banana your third.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
