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As a woman, here's my perspective:
Honestly, I kind of DO think women are brainwashed about marriage. I think women -- although maybe this is a cultural thing moreso than a gender thing -- are taught to believe that they have to get married (and have children) in order to be "normal" and "typical" and what is expected of them by society. I also think they're taught to believe that this has to occur by a certain point in their lives: their 20s, especially, or maybe their early 30s (at the latest). If it doesn't happen for them by that time, then they are, of course, "rejects." It's like there's this assumption or perception that if a woman isn't married while she's in her 20s or 30s, there must be something wrong with her. Otherwise some guy would have snatched her up, right?
Which brings us to another point. Getting engaged seems to be the holy grail. We women always hear about how men are commitment-phobic and want to avoid marriage at all costs. The old ball-and-chain. That sort of thing. So if a guy proposes to his girl, then that means she's won. She tamed the commitment-phobic beast. He picked her above all others, so she somehow beat out all the other women he'd ever dated. On the other hand, if a woman is with a guy for a long time and they're in all respects happy and committed, but the guy just won't propose, then the woman may secretly be thinking that the guy must not really love her, or must not really want her above all others. Maybe he's still holding out for someone better. Which then turns into this conviction the woman may have that there's something wrong with her...or wrong with their relationship. Which then turns to this whole idea that she's "wasting her time" or "wasting the best years of her life" on a relationship that's "not going anywhere." (Even though in all respects the relationship may be a great one.)
The wedding itself is a whole other monster. The moment a woman picks up her first bridal magazine, with their glossy, beautiful pictures, she's sucked in. There's a whole industry that has indoctrinated girls/women with this idea that their wedding day is "their day" and that it must be fairy-tale perfect. It becomes this fantasy, and I do think there's a competitive element to it. Women live their whole engagement in anticipation of this one day, of making it PERFECT, of obsessing over every little detail down to the (stupid, unnecessary) favors and whether the bridesmaids are in strappy sandals or closed-toe shoes. It's crazy.
As a woman, here's my perspective:
Honestly, I kind of DO think women are brainwashed about marriage. I think women -- although maybe this is a cultural thing moreso than a gender thing -- are taught to believe that they have to get married (and have children) in order to be "normal" and "typical" and what is expected of them by society. I also think they're taught to believe that this has to occur by a certain point in their lives: their 20s, especially, or maybe their early 30s (at the latest). If it doesn't happen for them by that time, then they are, of course, "rejects." It's like there's this assumption or perception that if a woman isn't married while she's in her 20s or 30s, there must be something wrong with her. Otherwise some guy would have snatched her up, right?
Which brings us to another point. Getting engaged seems to be the holy grail. We women always hear about how men are commitment-phobic and want to avoid marriage at all costs. The old ball-and-chain. That sort of thing. So if a guy proposes to his girl, then that means she's won. She tamed the commitment-phobic beast. He picked her above all others, so she somehow beat out all the other women he'd ever dated. On the other hand, if a woman is with a guy for a long time and they're in all respects happy and committed, but the guy just won't propose, then the woman may secretly be thinking that the guy must not really love her, or must not really want her above all others. Maybe he's still holding out for someone better. Which then turns into this conviction the woman may have that there's something wrong with her...or wrong with their relationship. Which then turns to this whole idea that she's "wasting her time" or "wasting the best years of her life" on a relationship that's "not going anywhere." (Even though in all respects the relationship may be a great one.)
The wedding itself is a whole other monster. The moment a woman picks up her first bridal magazine, with their glossy, beautiful pictures, she's sucked in. There's a whole industry that has indoctrinated girls/women with this idea that their wedding day is "their day" and that it must be fairy-tale perfect. It becomes this fantasy, and I do think there's a competitive element to it. Women live their whole engagement in anticipation of this one day, of making it PERFECT, of obsessing over every little detail down to the (stupid, unnecessary) favors and whether the bridesmaids are in strappy sandals or closed-toe shoes. It's crazy.
I believe this society does not have enough other relationships or community, it is like everything is to be invested into the love relationship and married partner to be everything and anything which is IMPOSSIBLE and bound for failure. Also I look at the people getting married and they are nmore in love with idea of being married and on display, like Bridezillas then even being into the person they are with.
The phrase I put in bold is SO spot on! For all of its bravado, America seems to be insecure about relationships and such. To the point that this society feels it must put its stamp of approval on and legislate everything, and those who fall outside of that "norm" are looked down upon, considered "sinners" and "oddballs." Whatever!
Most Europeans are really laid-back when it comes to relationships. Many cultures in other countries practice polygamy. Meanwhile, we "wink" at our males and insist to our females that only sex inside marriage is "proper." It's absolutely ridiculous. And for all of our "Puritanical" attitudes, we still have a high divorce rate.
Most guys who actually get excited about marriage are complete tools. There are guys who think it's the best option they have for now, it makes sense to them, they've thought it through, etc. Great. But to be EXCITED by getting married like it's some great life dream or amazing? Tools.
Frankly, if I had a guy who was really "into" weddings and got excited about them, that would be a big red flag for me that he could very well be gay and using me for a "cover."
Believe me gay guys pretending to be straight hide their gayness far better than that, believe you me, believe you me. They dress very conservatively and walk around like they are a real tough cookie.
Quote:
Originally Posted by teatime
Frankly, if I had a guy who was really "into" weddings and got excited about them, that would be a big red flag for me that he could very well be gay and using me for a "cover."
Believe me gay guys pretending to be straight hide their gayness far better than that, believe you me, believe you me. They dress very conservatively and walk around like they are a real tough cookie.
Weeellllll, I'm sure some do. But in the cases I've known, everyone else had long suspected except for the wives, apparently! And here they thought they had one over on the rest of us cuz their men loved to go to the mall with them, plan cocktail parties and help out at the PTA bake sales. We knew better!
omg that is really gay. I don't even do that kind of junk. ha ha
That is so sad that the women didn't figure it out. Where they enraged and heart broken when they later discovered the dude was a homosexual?
Quote:
Originally Posted by teatime
Weeellllll, I'm sure some do. But in the cases I've known, everyone else had long suspected except for the wives, apparently! And here they thought they had one over on the rest of us cuz their men loved to go to the mall with them, plan cocktail parties and help out at the PTA bake sales. We knew better!
omg that is really gay. I don't even do that kind of junk. ha ha
That is so sad that the women didn't figure it out. Where they enraged and heart broken when they later discovered the dude was a homosexual?
Oh, yeah!!!! The men were incredibly handsome and successful -- when you met them you got the feeling that "this guy's too good to be true!" I can only think that since they married them way before the "coming out" thing was common, the men's fab looks and charm offensive probably overrode any misgivings in the ladies' minds.
I think just about all of them were able to stay friends. From what I've seen, it's WAY harder on men when their wives announce they're leaving for another chick.
God made women from the rib of adam. Women were created to be independent thinkers, but to complement and be the pride of their families. So yes, there is more 'pressure' for women to be married...and not an old single hag.
God made women from the rib of adam. Women were created to be independent thinkers, but to complement and be the pride of their families. So yes, there is more 'pressure' for women to be married...and not an old single hag.
Sorry, hon, but I'm single, 44, and I am FAR from a "hag." I look a HELLUVA lot better and am FAR more interesting than most of the pathetic "wifeys" in my age range because I can do and spend as I please and not have to devote myself to a ball and chain.
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