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I'm sure once you get past this teensie weensie hurdle in life, the floodgates of dating will open for you
Quote:
Originally Posted by victorianpunk
How the hell do you get to be 22 years old and not know what Valhalla is? She had no clue! Any attraction I had to her has been thrown out the window into heavy traffic!
I told people that from now on out, I am going to try to sneak the word "valhalla" in to the conversation and see if a girl knows what it is, because there is no way in hell I would ever have anything serious with a girl who doesn't know what Valhalla is.
THIS is the only part of your post I found at all "pathetic". Don't ever apologize for being who you are.
It's your life. Live the damned thing. If you wanna cruise bars and look for trashy 'ho's to get it over with - go ahead. Or just cut to the chase and find a prostitute to teach you the ropes - probably easier, more reliable, and cheaper. My advice? Well, sooner or later you're going to meet a woman with whom you're comfortable enough to share your discomfort. If she's the right woman for you, your inexperience and who you are not only won't be a problem for her, she'll see it as only making you more attractive.
Dude, I'm going to respond in red... so that it's easily visible against your black.
This is kind of a vent, which I apologize for in advance. Yes, I know there are people allot worse off than me and I thank the almighty everyday for what I do have. I am usually not as "self absorbed" as I might come off as sounding.
Anyway, am I not the most pathetic person on Earth? I am almost 27 years old and have...
NEVER had sex
By my age 27, I hadn't had sex either. I got married at about age "27 1/2", and that's when I first had sex.
NEVER kissed a girl (kiss as in on the mouth, on the cheek doesn't count)
Have you ever tried?
NEVER been on a date
Have you ever asked a girl out? (If you have, and you've been rejected, ask someone else. I was rejected dozens of times, in any of many ways, before I finally got my first date.)
NEVER had a girlfriend
This sort of follows "never had a date". You have to ask girls out in order to get dates. Girls like to be asked out... even if they're not afraid to "do the asking".
NEVER held hands with a girl
I wouldn't advise that you try this with a girl you're not dating.
NEVER have I known that a female actually has found me attractive.
If you're not the Hollywood definition of "hot", or somewhere around there, you're not likely to elicit unsolicited praises of your physical appearance. Heaven knows, I never did... and that doesn't make me unattractive.
Just because women haven't come out and told you you're attractive to them, that doesn't mean that they've never felt that way. Most people won't immediately throw a compliment at a stranger about his/her looks, because they will usually be seen as either unstable, or a stalker, if they do so.
There you have it. I recently found out to my astonishment and horror that my fourteen year old nephew, who's diapers I once changed, has more experience with the ladies than I do. *sigh* that realization made me want to go for a razor, and not to shave my face with...
Dude... I didn't get my first date until I was almost 16 years old... and I have a brother who is 4 years younger than I am. I never changed his diapers, but I did beat him up an awful lot. He peed on me when he was an infant. By the time I had my first date, he'd kissed many girls, and technically he'd gone on many "dates" even though he didn't call them dates. My first dating relationship lasted three weeks and started when I was 15. His started when he was 13 and lasted for over two years. He lost his virginity before I did... okay, so he hadn't committed to premarital celibacy, but still. Does that make me a loser? Not quite. I'm happily married now... and he's approaching 25 without any real prospects for his future, nor a true knowledge of the right way to treat a woman.
and no, I am not gay...my family thinks I am, but really, I like girls...from a safe distance.
There's your problem. Decrease that distance, dude!
The whole idea of being with a woman in any sense of the word is for me like slaying a dragon: something I love reading about, watching on television and video, and listening to songs about, but to actually...ME, ACTUALLY talk to a girl with the intend of being ROMANTIC with her?
You sound like where I was at one point in my life. If you think THAT is geeky, try this on for size... when I was young and had repeated real-life failure with the ladies, I used to draw cartoons of myself as a superhero and lover extraordinaire. I always got the girl, in my cartoons. At least it could happen somewhere... even if not in real life.
And sex!...yes, I am a man, and yes, I like the IDEA of sex, but the REALITY of ME, having sex with a woman terrifies me just as much as the idea of ME trying to kill a fifty foot long ten foot tall firebreathing dragon.
As it should, until the day you're married. Trust me on this one... my wife and I were both virgins when we got married and to this day we're still "learning the ropes" to an observable extent. It's downright hilarious, at times... but at least we can laugh about it. The worst that could happen if you sleep with someone whose history you don't know is that you could get a fatal STD and/or impregnate a woman with whom you really don't want to spend the rest of your life. The worst that could happen if you waited for marriage is that you have a child sooner than you'd planned.... and in that case, oh well.
*sigh* I mean, don't people deal with these issues when they are teenagers? I just feel like such a child in a grown body, and like there is nothing I can do about it.
I'm a child in a grown body too... and I'm proud to admit it. It's really funny at times. I hope I never grow up.
And yes, since you were thinking it, I will come out and say it: I am indeed a total nerd.
So am I. I wear the title proudly. I have a college degree in Applied Physics / Computer Software with a minor in Mathematics. It doesn't get any more nerdy than that!
I watch Star Trek, read fantasy novels, listen to "Lord of the Rings" metal, play Dungeons and Dragons and have a collection of Star Wars action figures. Sorry...that's just who I am.
I grew up on the old Star Trek series and I will love it until the day I die. I used to listen to Nintendo music (which I tape-recorded from the speaker of the TV while the game was running idly) and the theme song from "Looney Tunes" on repeat play. When it wasn't that, I'd tape-recorded some of the cartoon movies I liked and played them on my tape player. I had all of the Ninja Turtles figures and I could polish off a Hardy Boys book in one sitting at age 9. I used to CREATE role-playing games.
I am a well rounded guy and like allot of different things too, like the outdoors, history and literature, but I am, in the end, a total stinking geek...
Be proud of it. It will serve you well for the rest of your life if you handle it properly. For example, I was able to prove using physics and mathematics that my brother-in-law was not at fault for an accident in which he was involved in July. If it goes to court, so will I and my calculations. He'll get off the hook easily.
Anyway, has anyone ever known someone as pathetic as I am, or am I just a fluke? Also...is it too late? I am NEVER going to meet anyone with as little experience as I do (no pedophile jokes please...) and I mean, what will a girl think about me?
You're not pathetic... you just haven't become comfortable in your own skin. Seriously... when you talked about what you like and what you enjoy doing, you sound a lot like my brother-in-law... and he has plenty of female friends even though he's one of those guys where, if you didn't know him, you'd think he was gay. Yes, he's "odd"... but he's a good guy and that's why he has friends, both male and female.
Who says you won't meet someone with as little experience as you have? I don't know who all is out there, but I do know this... a few years back, a 40-something-year-old woman in my mom's church told her that she just went on her first actual "date". I also know that when I met the woman I ultimately married, she hadn't even yet kissed another man on the cheek or been kissed on the cheek by another man. She'd been on one date, which she set up through the Internet, mere days before I started talking with her online. (We met two weeks after we started talking.) She was 21 at the time, and I was 26. Apparently you're 26 now. Girls in their early 20s aren't out of your reach.
What will a girl think about you? That depends upon how you present yourself. Honestly, when I met she who became my wife, I got to wishing that I hadn't had so much prior dating experience. I felt like a used car. She was able to determine what she wanted in a man, without having to test the waters... I had a much different childhood and couldn't have gone that route if I wanted to. When you meet the right woman, what she'll think about you is that you're thoroughly awesome. (Haven't you ever seen "Office Space", specifically the scene where "Peter" tells Jennifer Aniston that he wants to take her back to his place and watch Kung Fu movies with her? Then she's like "Oh my God... I love Kung Fu!".)
*sigh* sometimes, I think my life would be better if I could just be a emotionless robot, like Data before he got that emotion chip off his "brother" lore.
You can't experience the highs if you numb yourself to the lows. It's all about how you go about your life. Seriously... have you ever made the first move, to pursue a girl?
I was the quintessential mega-nerd as a kid... huge glasses, braces, fat, no athletic ability, extremely intelligent, musically gifted, few friends, lots of detractors, speech impediment, etc. I kept soldiering along... you learn as you go. These days, I'm a super-cool rock musician, I'm happily married, I ditched the glasses for contacts and the braces are long gone, I'm still fat, but I have built up my athletic ability by pushing myself every step of the way. And yes, I'm still a mega-nerd... and I'm very proud of it. You can be a mega-nerd and lead a great life. It's all about the choices you make, the paths you travel, and the opportunities you take. (By the way, if an opportunity doesn't fall into your lap, go out and make one. Life's too short to spend it waiting for whatever.)
Last edited by NWPAguy; 05-16-2008 at 07:35 AM..
Reason: typo
It's never too late.Fact is I was very shy in high school and a couple years leading after.I also often thought "she woudn't like me" latter to find out by friends saying "man she was checking you out" and I was what?
Star Trek or whatever doesn't make you geeky and if it does whatever,I like it so do alot of other people.
You have a fear you need to overcome.A fear of failing,not being good enough or just a phobia.But remember there are many different girls out there that have different likes and dislikes but being negative about you,them and life will drive them all away.
After you do have sex lol,you'll be catching up for lost time though.
damn. are you looking for pity? so what, you've never had a love life, you are one of the lucky ones. yeah sex is nice and kisses and everything else, but it's a lot of drama and some commitment is involved. if you're comfortable w/ yourself and who you are then maybe people will look at you differently. don't be cocky or anything, just be confident in who you are and your looks. someone will come your way eventually, just give it some time. and when she does come, don't be a dick and try to get into her pants right away cuz you're almost 30 and still a virgin and you want to lose it as soon as possible. just relaxe, breath, and enjoy freedom while you have it.
To me it sounds like you are very afraid of rejection which is totally understandable.
I think you should think about online dating - be honest in your profile. When I say be honest I mean be honest about your interests - in a positive way! No aplogizing for what you like and who you are.
Don't pretend not to be a geek if you are one. Lots of women love geeks! Be yourself 100% - tell a woman that you are nervous if you are.
Be prepared that possibly the first girls you meet may not be 'the one' (of course they also could be the one!!).
Don't be afraid of rejection. I know it's hard, but maybe you can make some good friends as well as possibly find a girlfriend. Enjoy it as a learning experience. Maybe finding a girlfriend won't happen immediately, but at least you'll have been on some dates and will have got over that hurdle.
Also try not to be so judgemental of girls. If they don't know mythology, maybe you can introduce them to it if they are interested.
If they absolutely MUST know mythology, then put it on your profile. I'm sure some women would love that!
.... go to the nearest club and find a really drunk chick.
... for example if you are real ugly you should probably go with the dumpy fat chick,.
OMG Chi; I don't even know what to say about some of the things you write.
It's becoming almost unbearable reading your posts that are filled with this kind of foolishness. I know you're still really young, but you must know better than to say things like this?
I married a nerd! But then I also like to watch Highlander, Dr Who and Star Trek (and all shows that spun from it). The hurdle for you is not to change from nerddom, but to find a girl who likes the same things that you do. And we do exist! I grew up on Asimov and the Hugo Awards! Nerd girls are out there and we are even cute
Join online dating sites, also join an irl dating service, my sister met her husband through one and they've been happily married for almost twenty years. Take chances, you never know when you might met 'her'. And she will be honored that you didn't go to a prostitute, she will feel 'special' indeed that you are all 'hers'.
Have confidance in yourself, and in your interests. You would be surprised at how attractive that is to women.
Good Luck!
Well, just like driving, it gets easier with practice. The first time you get behind the wheel of a car you are in control of, you're crazy nervous. Since you don't mention any religious reason for your celibacy (like you are waiting for marriage), I say you should just get that first drive out of the way.
Perhaps you are hanging out with the wrong crowd to accomplish this. My suggestion is to put on your dorkiest glasses, some nice clothes, and go to the nearest club and find a really drunk chick. You're old enough to go to the bars every weekend until you score. She doesn't have to be smokin' hot, remember this is not a good time to feel a lot of 'pressure' to perform. Tailor your selection to your personal level, for example if you are real ugly you should probably go with the dumpy fat chick, otherwise you'll fail right off the bat. Then just take her home, (don't forget a condom), and all the drinks you purchased for her have her slurring her words and taking off her clothes, you don't really have to be all that smooth or professional. Next weekend, rinse/lather/repeat until you know what the hell you're doing. Once you've broken that ice, it will be easier for you to approach women that you're actually interested in, and who are actually hot and might like geeks.
Girlintheglass and pushkinswife are right, you could possibly present yourself as an innocent young buck to a much older woman. Granted, you will know nothing and she will have 100% advantage of you, but it might be easier for you if someone else takes the reigns. Hell, you could even post something on craigslist. Just make your title really stand out, like "Young male virgin looking for experienced older woman to rob me of my innocence." I'm sure you'll get some good hits.
that's an @ss move. why would you even think about doing that?
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