My Husband's Friendship with a Married Woman (single, family, 2013)

[MinivanDriver]

Originally Posted by augiedogie

Op, you will need to try to make your marriage a happy one, in and out of the bedroom. Most men have no interest in keeping a wife and a lover happy at the same time. If he's happy at home, he probably will want to keep his relationship with the other woman friendly and thats it. But if he becomes unhappy at home, that could change things.

Wait a minute. This is complete nonsense.

You don't know a thing about the OP's domestic life. Why do you assume this is her fault? Why does the onus fall on her?

[Mikala43]

I guess I would need to know HOW much they talk, you gave a list of what they discuss and 4 of them were work, which falls into a category I'm comfortable with. The "life" category gets a little out there into territory I would consider a yellow flag.

So they work together all day, then text each other every day after work?



While I'm generally fine with same sex friends, this seems to be a potential problem.

Now if 99% of the texts are about work, even if it is gossip and complaining, I think I would be fine with that.

[writerwife]

A thousand times, NO

[Stagemomma]

My husband had a work friend, they had a lot in common. She actively pursued him and tried to create conflict between us. She escalated into leaving a piece of lingerie under the front seat of his car. She took my small children into Victoria's Secret and bought them gifts. I knew I couldn't avoid the issue anymore when he started getting up at 5:30 in the morning to 'go to work'. I bought a GPS tracker from ebay and hid it in his car. Of course it showed him driving right to her house. He wasn't showing up to work until 11am (he was the boss). He said he was mowing her lawn. I said "Is that what they're calling it these days". I got myself a lawyer and started giving his junk to Good Will. It took a while but eventually he got his own place near hers. She wrapped him right around her finger and started manipulating him. He eventually worked his way free of her but I was long gone by that point.

OP, tell your husband in no uncertain terms that he will not put his relationship with this woman ahead of your needs. If he doesn't comply, give him a choice of marriage counseling or a lawyer.

Nothing good can come of this.

[Mikala43]

A lot CAN be innocent too.

When my first husband died, he was on call for work, and was doing some outdoor activities as he could do it all by phone. He died from a heart attack.

During the investigation they found he had been talking to another woman for over an hour. Everyone's first thought was an affair and hid it from me.

It was a girl from work. Not uncommon for them to talk and vent, and compare ideas and such.

I called her his work wife, from the stand point that she would nag him as much as me. If I needed to know if he was watching his diet, I could call her and she would out him. He also had a work mom.

[Listener2307]

Nothing good will happen.
My wife had a male friend like that. But he was famous for calling ALL women and talking for hours.
Still, in the end I asked him to stop calling my wife. I asked him in public and he made a joke about it (I went along) but he did stop calling.

In the end he died and was buried with his cellphone.

[AfriqueNY]

She is emotionally cheating on her husband with yours. Happens all the time.

[usayit]

Originally Posted by Mikala43

A lot CAN be innocent too.

This. I don't buy into the notion that any friendship between a man and woman has to be an intimate/emotional one. Sure... I'm sure it happens all the time but to imply all instances result in the same end is incorrect.

[NewtownBucks]

Originally Posted by usayit

This. I don't buy into the notion that any friendship between a man and woman has to be an intimate/emotional one. Sure... I'm sure it happens all the time but to imply all instances result in the same end is incorrect.

I agree. I (married man) have a married female friend I text with nearly every day. There is no emotional aspect to it and certainly no intimate or physical or romantic relationship (we're both in secure 20+ year relationships). She's just a good friend that I share interests and joke around with like any other friend. That's not to say that many relationships like this don't end up intimate or troublesome, but it definitely can be innocent, too.

[Bootsamillion]

It is perfectly OK for people to have friends of the opposite sex. However, when both are married, that seems a little much, to text and talk extremely often, doesn't make sense. A friendship can be nurtured with respect to each's parter by planning double dates and get togethers at each other's homes. Your husband should treat you with respect and when he sees her, he makes sure you and her husband are there.

This doesn't sound good to me, and usually, one of them has feelings that can get out of hand. It's playing with Pandora's Box and nothing good will ever come of this.

I think you should not "ask" him to stop this, but demand that it stop and that you will not be disrespected in any way by your husband. If he doesn't stop, then do what you need to do for yourself. Even if that means leaving or separating. This woman he's talking to is NOT your friend I can assure you of that.

I'm sure this is very gut wrenching and painful time for you, but also you should not feel that you should go through his phone to see what he's doing. Either you trust him or you don't. Keep it simple and decide whether you want to live with distrust and insecurity or do you want to live in peace? This ball is in your court, do what you need to do.