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And I hold on to my theory that she wanted to "trap" you.
While I'm not dismissing your theory because I don't know, I can only say that from what I know about her it doesn't feel right to me. It also doesn't seem to fit that she would break things off, but rather that if she were trying to trap me that she would have done literally the opposite. While I posted here that sex without a condom was a no-go for me, that's not a discussion that her and I ever had. I'm not sure what would have changed her mind from trying to continue to trap me if that's what she was planning.
As for your other question, what attracted me to her were several things. We have similar life goals (marriage, kids, supporting careers), we have similar values, similar interests (but differing enough that there isn't too much overlap, but rather the things that I'm interested in are enticing to her and vice-versa, so the prospect of sharing something new with the other person), similar tastes, we're both generally optimistic, and it doesn't hurt that she's very good looking.
What I started to realize over the last week was that we did not have good communication. We communicated a lot, but it was mostly mundane, like "How was your day? What did you do today?". But it seemed like when there was any serious discussion, she was awkward. She had no problem asking me questions that were uncomfortable for me to answer, but when the discussion was two-way, it didn't go so well.
So multiple things can be true at once:
It's possible I dodged a bullet in this case.
It's possible that I screwed this up as I stated in various ways throughout the thread. It might be okay that I screwed this up in this case (see prior bullet point), but if this is a habit of mine, I'll need to figure out how to quash it right away so I don't take this into other relationships that perhaps I don't want to screw up.
Today I flew to Houston for work with a layover in LA. A very good-looking woman sat next to me on that second leg of my flight (who was also going to Houston for work). We were very chatty, and by the end of the flight I had gotten her number and asked her out. We went out for a nice dinner this evening, and it was a lot of fun. Surprisingly, she's 27, so quite a bit younger. She lives in LA, and I'm not into long-distance relationships, so I'm not sure how likely it is that I'll see her again.
That (asking someone out that I met because they sat next to me on a flight) isn't something I would normally do, but only because the opportunity has never presented itself (I've never met someone on a flight in the last year since I've been single that I would have wanted to ask out). But after last night's events, this morning I sort of had this "I don't really care about anything, so whatever" attitude, and the opportunity was there, so I thought why not...
And I'm glad I did. But I post this story to contrast her with the woman in my OP, or rather to say that I noticed a big difference. I dated a bunch before I was married (but that was in the 90s), but only half a dozen different women since my divorce, so I'm a bit rusty in being able to pick up on some personality differences that I need to be able to decipher. In other words, the woman from this evening makes the red flags in the previous woman more apparent or more recognizable. Interesting how that works.
Her suggestion to this whole thing is to just wait and see what happens. Not to force anything, let's not "schedule" intimacy, etc, and then see how things progress. I think that's a good call, and I'm fine with that, and I think in general it's the right approach. That is, I don't want to be like "let's get together at my house this weekend and give it another chance".. that's not natural. I just want to hang out with her like we were before, and see where things go. If it works, then great. And if it doesn't, then oh well. Being sexually incompatible is a deal-breaker for both of us. So what I don't want is for us to continue on and she thinks we're incompatible based on this past weekend because she's created an immutable impression of me.
It was HER idea to "just see how it goes" -- and in the end she left because nothing happened fast enough.
For the second meeting you suggested to go to a restaurant. but she changed it to your house, saying.."if we go to your house I promise not to get tired",...from your post ..We're spending Monday evening together at my house (I offered to take her out instead, but she said she'd rather come here).
Wanting to appear nonchalant by talking out of both ends of her mouth to fit it into her devious plan = trapping you.
For the second meeting you suggested to go to a restaurant. but she changed it to your house, saying.."if we go to your house I promise not to get tired",...from your post ..We're spending Monday evening together at my house (I offered to take her out instead, but she said she'd rather come here).
Wanting to appear nonchalant by talking out of both ends of her mouth to fit it into her devious plan = trapping you.
You dodged a bullet.
But but but BUT!!!!! we have a small but very LOUD minority here who say "you shoulda DONE IT, MAN, oh... you're such a LOSER, you SUCK at reading people, blah blah BLAH..."... damn any and all consequences.
...zzzzzzzzzz...
Well, I can say... I know which 'head' some here actually think with.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,003,083 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Euskalherria
But but but BUT!!!!! we have a small but very LOUD minority here who say "you shoulda DONE IT, MAN, oh... you're such a LOSER, you SUCK at reading people, blah blah BLAH..."... damn any and all consequences.
...zzzzzzzzzz...
Well, I can say... I know which 'head' some here actually think with.
I haven't seen anyone say any such thing.
Except for the not reading people well. She was not even subtle in her signals.
But that's the way this board goes. There is the smallest differing of viewpoints and people create false narratives.
There is the overt fiction writing to generate click$, and the posters that create false narratives to try to prop themselves up. Very few people actually trying to help, sadly.
But but but BUT!!!!! we have a small but very LOUD minority here who say "you shoulda DONE IT, MAN, oh... you're such a LOSER, you SUCK at reading people, blah blah BLAH..."... damn any and all consequences.
...zzzzzzzzzz...
Well, I can say... I know which 'head' some here actually think with.
What I started to realize over the last week was that we did not have good communication. We communicated a lot, but it was mostly mundane, like "How was your day? What did you do today?". But it seemed like when there was any serious discussion, she was awkward. She had no problem asking me questions that were uncomfortable for me to answer, but when the discussion was two-way, it didn't go so well.
So multiple things can be true at once:
It's possible I dodged a bullet in this case.
It's possible that I screwed this up as I stated in various ways throughout the thread. It might be okay that I screwed this up in this case (see prior bullet point), but if this is a habit of mine, I'll need to figure out how to quash it right away so I don't take this into other relationships that perhaps I don't want to screw up.
There is no "rule" that says how long you should take to have deep conversations. Every person is different. I wouldn't be super deep at the first meeting unless it becomes natural or is related to something someone is asking etc. There definitely needs to be enough reciprocation in quality of conversation etc. Focus on that kind of aspect in each relationship you attempt to develop and don't fuss about the time. It isn't easy- at all!
Except for the not reading people well. She was not even subtle in her signals.
But that's the way this board goes. There is the smallest differing of viewpoints and people create false narratives.
There is the overt fiction writing to generate click$, and the posters that create false narratives to try to prop themselves up. Very few people actually trying to help, sadly.
Do you think it's smart and/or wise to respond to unsubtle - think I just coined a word, my apologies - signals such as those exhibited by the woman in question without considering the possible consequences, not to mention the feelings and desires of the other party?
Some of us here actually want to prudently get to know someone and know what's truly 'up' - no pun intended, haha - before 'dipping the smaller head'.
Some others, OTOH, have bigger 'smaller heads' and smaller 'bigger heads', it seems.
I find it a tiny bit interesting that you dove into this thread to respond to my post... seems you're easily letting the cat out of the bag with your stance by doing so.
Last edited by Euskalherria; 12-29-2021 at 09:00 AM..
[quote=timberline742;62593391]I haven't seen anyone say any such thing.
Except for the not reading people well. She was not even subtle in her signals.
But that's the way this board goes. There is the smallest differing of viewpoints and people create false narratives.
There is the overt fiction writing to generate click$, and the posters that create false narratives to try to prop themselves up. Very few people actually trying to help, sadly.[/
You just proved that you did not read the thread, bc there are several posters who indeed suggested to the OP he should have gone all the way and even shamed him, go ahead and look it up.
And what is "fiction" to "assume" that a woman who goes to a guy's place in an ovulating state, without birth control, does not accept a condom, they talked about it, she did not want to "risk" the use of a condom, they talked about it !!! and engages in heavy foreplay AIMS to get pregant? That was the meeting she should have just left.
Did any woman do this with you and did you go all the way and is there now a "little timberline" running around somewhere?
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