Should this be considered a Test or a straight up insult? (boyfriend, men)
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I'm honestly confused about it in this context. I know some of the tests some women use.
"You don't care about me." - When they want you to do something for them
"You are not going to hand out with your friends. That's forbidden." - When wanting you to show a backbone
In this case, this seemed like a real insult and although I treated it as a test later on I was wondering and is why I posted the question should something like this be considered a test or what?
this person wanted to do something that was clearly out of line, something having to do with a "male friend" and this was her way of shaming me into saying ok
Well...first off, I think that a difference of opinion about what is or isn't "out of line" regarding a "male friend" is a compatibility problem. A man in my life does not get tested to prove that he is strong and authoritative, if he doesn't agree with how I conduct my friendships with others then I guess we're not a good fit for each other. That's pretty simple. No need for name calling, we're just done.
But the sarcastic exaggeration in a disagreement is also not cool. I mean, I wouldn't have called you a misogynist in the first place, but like, a situation if I told a partner hypothetically that I felt he was speaking disrespectfully to me and I didn't appreciate it, and he (just for instance to illustrate) said something like, "Fine, I will never speak to you at all, never again!" (which is a tactic a certain person I used to be with would do)... Like blowing it up to the ridiculous place to derail my train of reason somehow? Yeah, I wouldn't tolerate that, either.
So far I've identified at least 3 good reasons not to be with somebody in this story...
- They feel that they are an authority figure to tell me how to conduct my relationships with others.
- They call me names (as she did you.)
- They go all sarcastic/ridiculous/exaggerated to derail an argument.
Oh, and a fourth...if they play petty games to "test" me in some way. No thanks on that one, too. (I'm a woman and I don't have time for the giving or receiving of such nonsense.)
Probably for the best if this thing is over, I guess. Better luck next time.
Yea. It wasn't a good situation for me or relationship. I learned my lesson and moved on. Thanks.
Strange OP, comes across as an attempt at macho posturing. Since he's been with the same married woman for the last 4.5 to 5 years, maybe he's trying to establish he's not weak and helpless in the presence of a female. Who knows. The story didn't really make sense.
A rational man when told he is a misogynist would respond calmly since he knows it isn't true. But then a rational man wouldn't be trying to control a woman, either. That's what insecure men do.
I responded calmly. Just added to what the was saying in a joking manner.
I wasn't trying to control her. She wanted to go to an event where an ex of hers was going to be and go without me.
But I just realized which was something I didn't realize back then there was no sense in setting boundaries with her because she didn't respect boundaries since she was with me being married so what was I expecting.
Come to think about it. I must have been on crack all that time. So deep in the fog. And I was also at fault for many things. I regret my actions. That's why I moved on.
From antiquity, women depended upon men to supplement their lesser body strength.
Thus men were the "head" of the family / relationship.
But if men were the "head", women were the "neck" twisting men in whichever direction desired.
When women "twist" too harshly, the "head" may depart, leaving the neck to her own devices.
Be kind. Don't be a jerk (your post made it sound like you were). Don't be controlling. Don't play games and don't get involved with people that do.
Always take the high road.
Simple.
I can't understand why you would have an issue with this. Jeepers. You were way out of line and very controlling.
My post made it sound like I was? Ok. I'll go back and read it. Sometimes the way we write illustrates the wrong thing. I don't consider myself a jerk in any way.
I've been told women (not all) do test. But that is done subconsciously. To me is much more easy to catch this stuff when is done in some kind of manipulative way.
You’ve “been told”? All right then.
You realize that lumping a bunch of women into a group with negative attributes is misogyny? Try saying that and replace “women” with Black people or Hispanics and see how far that’ll get you in the real world.
Not all women shave their legs but most of the ones I know don’t test men. You’re acting paranoid and working off of second-hand information.
Avoid the woman who is giving you problems. Meet some others. Keep an open mind.
I can't understand why you would have an issue with this. Jeepers. You were way out of line and very controlling.
Anyone who cannot see a potential issue here either is as dense as a neutron star or the biggest sucker on the face of the Earth. LOL.
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