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I'm aware women test men to see if they are strong and they can trust them. I can usually pass them easily. My go to option is to exaggerate what is being said.
Someone I was seeing once told me I'm a misogynist. We were in the middle of an argument because this person wanted to do something that was clearly out of line, something having to do with a "male friend" and this was her way of shaming me into saying ok. I can assure you I'm nothing but that. I was raised by women and love and respect them.
We are told to not let things get to us emotionally or get offended and is best to take these things as tests and pass them. I said to this person that "sure I'm also a criminal and a bum and so and so".
But then I got to thinking that this was really an insult to me and perhaps I should have responded differently.
When does a test go too far? That is my question.
Thanks.
Last edited by calvinstorm; 12-30-2021 at 10:15 AM..
Reason: Eliminated word
Well, OP, given how things went down (assuming you're representing the situation accurately), I wouldn't have bothered to respond. I would have thought, that now that she's shown her true colors, I don't need to waste anymore time with her, and let that be the last interaction she ever had with me.
I HATE manipulative people, and recommend calling their bluff, when possible. You'd have to block her on everything, after doing that. Because typically, when someone does call their bluff, they go into shock (the script didn't play out as they'd expected), so they come running, trying to patch things up. Don't let it happen to you.
I'm aware women test men to see if they are strong and they can trust them. I can usually pass them easily. My go to option is to exaggerate what is being said.
Someone I was seeing once told me I'm a misogynist. We were in the middle of an argument because this person wanted to do something that was clearly out of line, something having to do with a "male friend" and this was her way of shaming me into saying ok. I can assure you I'm nothing but that. I was raised by women and love and respect them.
We are told to not let things get to us emotionally or get offended and is best to take these things as tests and pass them. I said to this person that "sure I'm also a criminal and a bum and so and so".
But then I got to thinking that this was really an insult to me and perhaps I should have responded differently.
When does a test go too far? That is my question.
Thanks.
I think I'm too dense to realize when these tests are happening at all. I think it's petty.
A woman calls me a misogynist I'll probably do as you did even if I don't recognize it as a test anyway: turn it into a joke by cranking it up further. Then see whether she was being serious or not. If she's serious well then, there's not really any reason to stay, is there? If she really thought you're a misogynist, why would she hang out with you at all?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by adamexe
I think I'm too dense to realize when these tests are happening at all. I think it's petty.
If you're dating quality people, these types of childish games don't happen.
If I was called a misogynist, or was told something I said was misogynistic, by a smart person who knows me well, I'd not be thinking of going on the offensive, but be doing some serious self introspection to see if there is anything to the claim.
Well...first off, I think that a difference of opinion about what is or isn't "out of line" regarding a "male friend" is a compatibility problem. A man in my life does not get tested to prove that he is strong and authoritative, if he doesn't agree with how I conduct my friendships with others then I guess we're not a good fit for each other. That's pretty simple. No need for name calling, we're just done.
But the sarcastic exaggeration in a disagreement is also not cool. I mean, I wouldn't have called you a misogynist in the first place, but like, a situation if I told a partner hypothetically that I felt he was speaking disrespectfully to me and I didn't appreciate it, and he (just for instance to illustrate) said something like, "Fine, I will never speak to you at all, never again!" (which is a tactic a certain person I used to be with would do)... Like blowing it up to the ridiculous place to derail my train of reason somehow? Yeah, I wouldn't tolerate that, either.
So far I've identified at least 3 good reasons not to be with somebody in this story...
- They feel that they are an authority figure to tell me how to conduct my relationships with others.
- They call me names (as she did you.)
- They go all sarcastic/ridiculous/exaggerated to derail an argument.
Oh, and a fourth...if they play petty games to "test" me in some way. No thanks on that one, too. (I'm a woman and I don't have time for the giving or receiving of such nonsense.)
Probably for the best if this thing is over, I guess. Better luck next time.
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