Stood up on second date

[shelato]

Originally Posted by western27

I know you will probably still blame me like most others for the result of whatever I say and I think I said this already, but if she wanted to remove the possibility of sex perhaps she shouldn't have asked me to take her on an overnight trip to a ski resort. Mind you, I had originally planned to just go for for the day with her until she asked me to get us a room. There were many other activities we could have done in the city that were entirely public for a second date but this is what she pushed me towards planning. But I suppose you are right, it's my fault for not saying "Excuse me, but it is highly inappropriate for us to be alone together this early in our courtship." I think you are wrong too. I've slept with most women I've dated in my life by the third date (at the latest) and the few exceptions were those with conservative religious ideologies.

Also, I think many users have a much higher opinion of this woman's morals/conscience than what is reality. Guess it's my own fault again for not sharing more since women are all assumed to be nuns until proven otherwise, but she has spoken openly about sex on the phone without me initiating it numerous times and based on what she told me about her habits she seems to be a borderline nymphomaniac. Although I liked her enough to want to go on a second date with her, she did have other red flags (got arrested for assaulting her last bf, dropped out of college, brought an "emotional support" dog to our first date, amongst other things). I am not perfect either and have my own issues, so I have tried not to judge her for them and give her a chance in spite of them. The reasons I am bringing them up is because many users have made assumptions about my character that are very unfair. There are always two sides to things.

We are in the middle of a major omicron wave right now. Was there an excellent chance that she was being sincere in trying to cancel this date? Yes. I definitely wouldn't rule that out.

That said I also wouldn't rule out after that after she suggested spending the night together, she backed out because she felt uncomfortable with this idea, the more she thought about what she was agreeing here to do. My spider sense is this is what was really motivating her actions here, but I can't rule out the alternatives.

But here is the thing going through my mind, what exactly is the appeal of trying to sleep with some woman who isn't into sleeping with you? Do you really want that? Why? Really how much fun is that going to be?

As I see it you took your chances with this woman, you gambled that if you got the condo, you might have a chance to get lucky, but it's on you for jumping through these hoops for some woman you didn't know that well, who was also showing these red flags: the emotional support dog, the assaulting ex-boyfriends. Women without these issues regularly flake, what were you really expecting from a woman with these issues to do here? If getting the condo is as much of a hassle for you get as you seem to imply, why weren't you saving that opportunity for a woman who just a much better prospect all around?

It's a second date that we are talking about here. Women regularly flake for any reason or no reason at all. Yet you overcommitted your efforts to this woman far too early in the process. That is on you. This woman hasn't earned all of the efforts you made to jump through hoops for her, so why did you do that? The anger you have here shouldn't be at her, but at yourself. You got needy and are dealing with the natural consequences of your own neediness/thirstiness.

[redplum33]

And of course now she's a nympho and of low moral character.

[E-Twist]

Originally Posted by western27

I know you will probably still blame me like most others for the result of whatever I say and I think I said this already, but if she wanted to remove the possibility of sex perhaps she shouldn't have asked me to take her on an overnight trip to a ski resort. Mind you, I had originally planned to just go for for the day with her until she asked me to get us a room. I agree that to ask a woman to sleep over with me at some place she is unfamiliar with on a second date is creepy hence why I didn't say it. Why aren't you criticizing her for her intentions with essentially asking me to sleep with her by taking her on that trip? I know it's a clear double standard in dating in the sense that men are always assumed to be up to no good and women have a free pass to do whatever they want without judgment, but don't you see a lot hypocrisy here?

There were also many other activities we could have done in the city that were entirely public for a second date but this is what she pushed me towards planning. But I suppose you are right, it's my fault for not saying "Excuse me, but it is highly inappropriate for us to be alone together this early in our courtship." I think you are wrong too. I've slept with most women I've dated in my life by the third date (at the latest) and the few exceptions were those with conservative religious ideologies.

Also, I think many users have a much higher opinion of this woman's morals/conscience than what is reality. Guess it's my own fault again for not sharing more since women are all assumed to be nuns until proven otherwise, but she has spoken openly about sex on the phone without me initiating it numerous times and based on what she told me about her habits she seems to be a borderline nymphomaniac. Although I liked her enough to want to go on a second date with her, she did have other red flags (got arrested for assaulting her last bf, dropped out of college, brought an "emotional support" dog to our first date, amongst other things). I am not perfect either and have my own issues, so I have tried not to judge her for them and give her a chance in spite of them. The reasons I am bringing them up is because many users have made assumptions about my character that are very unfair. There are always two sides to things.

She brought an emotional support dog on the first date and you agreed to another date with her?!! That's just insanity.

It's politically incorrect of me to say this, but the only one crazier than the person dragging an emotional support animal around is someone that decides to date that person. I think the date should be considered a draw.

[shelato]

Originally Posted by E-Twist

She brought an emotional support dog on the first date and you agreed to another date with her?!! That's just insanity.

It's politically incorrect of me to say this, but the only one crazier than the person dragging an emotional support animal around is someone that decides to date that person. I think the date should be considered a draw.

Hallelujah! Can we get an Amen?

[pathrunner]

Thanks western for explaining things more. That's the thing I don't understand, why she mentioned all that and then suddenly re-negged. It's a mystery that you probably won't get any answers on. It's certainly not like what happened with me. I was certainly different way back in the day though I am different now, so it's not like I don't know what you're talking about (60's-70's kid and all that).

From my limited understanding here, it seems she was duplicitous in her communication and is now being rude (and therefore insensitive) instead of being up front. When I was younger I had a really hard time telling a guy I wasn't interested, but in my later years I'm just up front. It's the courteous and respectful thing to do. It does take courage and practice but it's the right thing to do.

There are probably people here who would disagree with me but since I was raised by a therapist and try to communicate with people truthfully even when they are being obstreperous, I would write a nice note and say how you feel without blaming or shaming, but clarifying your position and your thoughts. You know, that you each misunderstood or misread each other and that you would have welcomed honesty IF indeed she wasn't honest with you. Then just wish her well and be done with it.

Or you can just forget it. It's up to you. She sounds a bit wacko to me. But the note would be about closure for YOU, not about convincing her.

[RubyandPearl]

Originally Posted by pathrunner

Thanks western for explaining things more. That's the thing I don't understand, why she mentioned all that and then suddenly re-negged. It's a mystery that you probably won't get any answers on. It's certainly not like what happened with me. I was certainly different way back in the day though I am different now, so it's not like I don't know what you're talking about (60's-70's kid and all that).

From my limited understanding here, it seems she was duplicitous in her communication and is now being rude (and therefore insensitive) instead of being up front. When I was younger I had a really hard time telling a guy I wasn't interested, but in my later years I'm just up front. It's the courteous and respectful thing to do. It does take courage and practice but it's the right thing to do.

There are probably people here who would disagree with me but since I was raised by a therapist and try to communicate with people truthfully even when they are being obstreperous, I would write a nice note and say how you feel without blaming or shaming, but clarifying your position and your thoughts. You know, that you each misunderstood or misread each other and that you would have welcomed honesty IF indeed she wasn't honest with you. Then just wish her well and be done with it.

Or you can just forget it. It's up to you. She sounds a bit wacko to me. But the note would be about closure for YOU, not about convincing her.

Good answer.

[DontH8Me]

Originally Posted by redplum33

And of course now she's a nympho and of low moral character.

Yes! And also don't overlook:

Originally Posted by E-Twist

She brought an emotional support dog on the first date and you agreed to another date with her?!! That's just insanity.

It's politically incorrect of me to say this, but the only one crazier than the person dragging an emotional support animal around is someone that decides to date that person. I think the date should be considered a draw.

She's now a nympho, morally corrupt, and also crazy/insane. And yet, OP was willing to overlook all that just to get sex from her. I suspected this thread was started to fish for a way to assuage his bruised masculinity - he really should consider it a draw and move onto the next one.

Originally Posted by shelato

Hallelujah! Can we get an Amen?

Amen!! Most will realize at some point that the hole they are digging is getting deeper and deeper, but I believe OP lacks this situational awareness. I think I should go get some popcorn.

[PJSaturn]

Okay, I've read this entire thread. Shame on those of you (both genders) who turned this into a big bash-fest. The thread is now closed. It's not worth the time to clean up all the inappropriate posts, although I did delete a handful of posts which were childish bickering.