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I am really hoping to get some feedback from others that may have found themselves in a similar way on this topic. I love my girlfriend more than anything however seem to be struggling with things she has done in the past prior to us becoming an exclusive couple.
I know it’s wrong and I know and want o simply say that is none of my business and only look at her as who she is now. Especially since I myself have made questionable decisions and done things that I’m not proud of. When I say things it’s not even things that are all that bad, maybe a few no stings one night stands but nothing really beyond that and lord knows I’m no angel with that myself.
Regardless of how much I reason with myself it just sticks in my head no wont get out. just recently we had our first argument and I had a little too much to drink and I let all that pent up frustration out. It was terrible and I know I hurt her and never want to do that again. She doesn’t deserve that and is a wonderful woman.
I also know that if I am not comfortable with who she is than I should move on but that is not it at all, its stupid jealousy at its ugliest. I just dont get it, I dont think poorly of her and know these feelings are wrong. I have always and still am super confident and hardly ever jealous and don’t know if its different now because I am so much more in love with this woman that I have ever been with anyone else or what.
Hard to fight jealousy. It's a fairly pointless emotion but we're probably all guilty of feeling jealousy in some form. Nothing unnatural about that and especially if you found out some information on her that you didn't know before you started seeing her.
Best thing is to remember that YOU are the one now with her, not those other people. In some ways, it's like you've "won" the battle in your mind. She's not with any of them, she's with you. As time wears on you'll think about those things less and less and just the fact you're conscious of the jealousy might be enough to force yourself to stop dwelling on it when your mind begins to wander.
So, in the beginning, when the 2 of you just started dating, she had a couple of hookups and you some how found out about them, and now you can't get beyond that?
I'm curious how you found out about it. Maybe that has something to do with how you can't move on.
I'm also curious as to how old the both of you are. Back in the day, plenty of women have told their guys they were virgins because it seemed like that's what the guys wanted to hear, and girls didn't want their guys thinking they were 'easy' and that "everyone on the football team and everyone on the USS Roosevelt knows my gal" mindset.
You know, logically, that you should not hold her to a standard that you can't hold yourself to. Does SHE know your hang up? You need to get a grip on it, or you two won't last. You'll be 'testing' her and looking through her phone, and second guessing everything she tells you.
I think this is a case for therapy. What you're feeling is not rational, as you are aware. Do you suffer from OCD? I think the same techniques to treat obsessive thoughts could work for you. You are in danger of losing her if you don't get these thoughts under control. It also sounds like you are the kind of person who shouldn't drink to excess.
Hard to fight jealousy. It's a fairly pointless emotion but we're probably all guilty of feeling jealousy in some form. Nothing unnatural about that and especially if you found out some information on her that you didn't know before you started seeing her.
Best thing is to remember that YOU are the one now with her, not those other people. In some ways, it's like you've "won" the battle in your mind. She's not with any of them, she's with you. As time wears on you'll think about those things less and less and just the fact you're conscious of the jealousy might be enough to force yourself to stop dwelling on it when your mind begins to wander.
Sounds like a bigger problem than that if he is jealous that she has had previous partners, which most people have. If OPs getting jealous about things that are normal to most people it's not something natural that just goes away.
Hard to fight jealousy. It's a fairly pointless emotion but we're probably all guilty of feeling jealousy in some form. Nothing unnatural about that and especially if you found out some information on her that you didn't know before you started seeing her.
Best thing is to remember that YOU are the one now with her, not those other people. In some ways, it's like you've "won" the battle in your mind. She's not with any of them, she's with you. As time wears on you'll think about those things less and less and just the fact you're conscious of the jealousy might be enough to force yourself to stop dwelling on it when your mind begins to wander.
It is and I dont want a pointless emotion to ruin something great and I especially don’t want that to drive me to hurt this woman in anyway. That’s a great way to approach it and think about it and to a point I do but the negative still sticks with me. I’m hoping it simply fades but want to do everything I can to not let it impact her or us until it does. She’s just to important to me.
So, in the beginning, when the 2 of you just started dating, she had a couple of hookups and you some how found out about them, and now you can't get beyond that?
I'm curious how you found out about it. Maybe that has something to do with how you can't move on.
I'm also curious as to how old the both of you are. Back in the day, plenty of women have told their guys they were virgins because it seemed like that's what the guys wanted to hear, and girls didn't want their guys thinking they were 'easy' and that "everyone on the football team and everyone on the USS Roosevelt knows my gal" mindset.
You know, logically, that you should not hold her to a standard that you can't hold yourself to. Does SHE know your hang up? You need to get a grip on it, or you two won't last. You'll be 'testing' her and looking through her phone, and second guessing everything she tells you.
We’re both in our mid 30s and she flat out told me about these hookups so was completely honest with me. I just didn’t expect it.
We’re both in our mid 30s and she flat out told me about these hookups so was completely honest with me. I just didn’t expect it.
Dang. On one hand, I feel like she should've kept her mouth shut, but on the other hand, I can see why she told you. She wanted you to know, straight up that she wasn't keeping something from you that might raise it's head down the road.
Maybe you could focus on the fact that she didn't want any thing to be between the two of you to cause issues.
Little did she know this would cause an issue.
I agree with the others. You need to get some therapy, because this will cause problems for you, not just in this relationship, but possibly other relationships as well.
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