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You both need to apologize to one another. Screaming matches are not okay, never mind grudges and the silent treatment. It does not matter who apologizes first. You both need to do it, fast.
No time to read this whole thread so apologies if this has been mentioned, but ...
Anytime there's an argument I think it's important for both parties to recognize they play a role of some kind. It is possible that both owe the other an apology for their respective roles in the argument. It is not always a binary question of one or the other being right/wrong. Nor is an apology an admission of total culpability.
You said you came home from work stressed. Maybe that came across in asking about the fire. Maybe you HAVE been nagging him about the fire pit rather than clearly communicating about it -- or it very much feels like nagging to him, which, if you want to have good communication, matters a lot.
Maybe your husband's reaction is in part not because of the fire pit but about what it symbolizes to him, perhaps on a less than conscious level. Does he feel that you don't let him have his own things and trusting him not to burn the place down or make it dirty or messy or to not allow him some space for messes that he will in fact clean up later? It's a common guy annoyance. Is it wrong for you to have concerns about safety or order? No, but maybe you can own your role in how you express those concerns -- too unclearly or harshly or whatever or without acknowledging his point of view.
What I would respond to if hypothetically I had built a fire pit that I was happy with and was just enjoying it, only to have my wife come home and 'ruin' that enjoyment, with the subtext (perceived or real) that the fire pit wasn't important, or safe, or really deserved to exist ... would be my wife saying look, I know this is important to you and I may not have expressed my concern in the best way. Can we have a sane conversation about this? -- I would absolutely have that conversation if I could feel heard in the course of it.
I don't see what you would possibly apologize about here.
Marriage may not be for you.
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