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I didn't mean to trash him. But yesterday he did say he didn't know if I was setting him up and he was gonna get mugged or something. Thats offensive.
Yet he thinks I should be ok having him pick me up at home and go to his house.
Its odd to me.
.
OK, that is strange (bolded). And inconsistent. Since the dateship is over, you might ask him about the contradictory expectations he has. Not able to trust someone he doesn't know well with his safety, yet expects you to trust him to pick you up in his car and take you to his place.
That does require explanation.
You wouldn't have to get confrontational about it. You could say, you didn't think he'd have a problem with the Mexico date idea, not only because it's routine and normal for people in your town, but also because he didn't see anything wrong with a 2nd date where he'd pick you up and take you to his place. That implied that you two knew each other at least well enough for a certain level of trust with each other's safety concerns.
I'm staying tuned to this channel to see the response to that.
Mink raises some good points, too. I think the ordinariness of walking down the street to Mexico for people in the OP's town made it impossible to conceive of anyone finding the suggestion potentially dangerous. Maybe she's been out of touch with how people perceive Mexico in the rest of the US.
And I'm curious now, to know where she lives. Nobody in New Mexico strolls or drives casually over to Ciudad Juarez, the source of many of the kinds of stories that make other Americans cautious. There are dental clinics there, that are operated by US dentists, for cheaper dental work, but the clinics have their own shuttle buses, and they pick people up from the US side of the border, and drive them to the clinics and back. They don't ask anyone to walk across or take a bus or drive across.
And to get into Mexico from southern AZ, one has to cross the Sonoran desert, which is known for killing border-crossers with its heat.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 03-05-2022 at 11:37 AM..
And the REASON you didn't want to have him pick you up at your home is for a second date is...?
And the REASON you didn't want to go to his house for a second date is...?
Maybe he thinks that way because it was ONLY a second date. He may have been more receptive to MX if let's say, you were dating for a few months, or if during those few months, you actually became an 'official' couple.
The restaurant is literally just across the border. We don't even have to walk far into that town and I told him that.
Most locals would be down. Some people go every weekend. My last partner was a border patrol agent and so he can't go hanging out in border towns because of a possible conflict of interest so I haven't been able to go in awhile. I was just looking forward to and craving some of that food.
Well, if the town is so close and the food is so good, why not just go by yourself?
That's not what he said though. He said "There is nothing in Mexico" and he seems to think its unsafe. If he said "I would love to do that sounds so fun but maybe let's give it a month." That would be perfectly fine. It sounds like he has the attitude that he would never want to.
I wouldn't let any guy pick me up at home unless we are steadily dating. The last guy didn't know where I lived until 4 months after our first date.
I am a single woman living alone and don't want every tom dick and harry I've been on one date with to know where I live
I didn't mean to trash him. But yesterday he did say he didn't know if I was setting him up and he was gonna get mugged or something. Thats offensive.
Yet he thinks I should be ok having him pick me up at home and go to his house.
Its odd to me.
I guess I am just used to dating fellow locals that are on the same page as me. I don't date people from such different parts of the country much.
We are both American yet still from such different cultures. We are having a culture clash here. He thinks going to Mexico is like a crazy whacked out plan when its not and that I must be some criminal for wanting to do it. Its silly.
The restaurant is literally just across the border. We don't even have to walk far into that town and I told him that.
Most locals would be down. Some people go every weekend. My last partner was a border patrol agent and so he can't go hanging out in border towns because of a possible conflict of interest so I haven't been able to go in awhile. I was just looking forward to and craving some of that food.
Then go by yourself or with a girlfriend! Why do you have to rely on a willing date? That's putting a lot of pressure on him when it's you being silly.
OK, that is strange (bolded). And inconsistent. Since the dateship is over, you might ask him about the contradictory expectations he has. Not able to trust someone he doesn't know well with his safety, yet expects you to trust him to pick you up in his car and take you to his place.
That does require explanation.
I agree. Very odd. I hated that he even asked that. I wish more men understood how careful us women have to be. We are vulnerable.
Thank you. That's my thinking too. I guess its out of his comfort zone and we just have different philosophies on life.
He must know other people who go to Mexico since it's so close. If he has friends and co-workers they probably have gone. If he's not interested fine, but he shouldn't think it's weird or wild to get Mexican food in Mexico if its right there a few miles away.
Then go by yourself or with a girlfriend! Why do you have to rely on a willing date? That's putting a lot of pressure on him when it's you being silly.
The thread isn't about that. Of course I don't need him in order to go. But the thread is about this particular scenario with this particular guy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane
He must know other people who go to Mexico since it's so close. If he has friends and co-workers they probably have gone. If he's not interested fine, but he shouldn't think it's weird or wild to get Mexican food in Mexico if its right there a few miles away.
But instead of insulting him, that was your opportunity to assure him that it's really not unsafe, people go back and forth all the time, you'd really love for him to see the culture of the region that's just over the border, etc. etc. By calling him silly, that puts him on the defensive, rather than demonstrates that you want to share your interests with him and show him around since he's not from the area.
Seems like the OP was a lot more interested in going across the border than she was in spending time with her date and getting to know him. That was secondary and unimportant to her. Personally, if I were interested in a man, where we went on a date would not be all that important.
When asked out on a date, I let the person asking for the date make the plans. Accept or reject. I wouldn't "tell him what I wanted to do" unless he asked me for suggestions. Even then, I'd toss out a couple of different ideas and let him make the final decision.
If I was really eager to go to a particular place or event, I would initiate the date and do the asking. Then he can accept or reject the idea. Maybe I'm old-fashioned but where I come from, the person who does the asking, makes the plans.
But unlike the OP, I prefer men to take the lead. I don't want to boss around a submissive man and to dictate to a man where he takes me on a date. That just feels unromatic to me.
OK, that is strange (bolded). And inconsistent. Since the dateship is over, you might ask him about the contradictory expectations he has. Not able to trust someone he doesn't know well with his safety, yet expects you to trust him to pick you up in his car and take you to his place.
That does require explanation.
You wouldn't have to get confrontational about it. You could say, you didn't think he'd have a problem with the Mexico date idea, not only because it's routine and normal for people in your town, but also because he didn't see anything wrong with a 2nd date where he'd pick you up and take you to his place. That implied that you two knew each other at least well enough for a certain level of trust with each other's safety concerns.
I'm staying tuned to this channel to see the response to that.
Mink raises some good points, too. I think the ordinariness of walking down the street to Mexico for people in the OP's town made it impossible to conceive of anyone finding the suggestion potentially dangerous. Maybe she's been out of touch with how people perceive Mexico in the rest of the US.
And I'm curious now, to know where she lives. Nobody in New Mexico strolls or drives casually over to Ciudad Juarez, the source of many of the kinds of stories that make other Americans cautious. There are dental clinics there, that are operated by US dentists, for cheaper dental work, but the clinics have their own shuttle buses, and they pick people up from the US side of the border, and drive them to the clinics and back. They don't ask anyone to walk across or take a bus or drive across.
And to get into Mexico from southern AZ, one has to cross the Sonoran desert, which is known for killing border-crossers with its heat.
I don't want to say what town I live in but can tell you in PM if you are really curious.
But there are elementary school kids here that live in Mexico and go to school stateside and walk back and forth across the border every day without adults.
Thats how easy and seamless the crossing are here. I know some border towns are larger and theres traffic and everything but its very small and quiet here. I don't think there is much crime either thout I certainly wouldn't go at night (though people do) and wouldn't get involved in any sketchy activities. Stick to the main road and don't talk to strangers.
I didn't mean to trash him. But yesterday he did say he didn't know if I was setting him up and he was gonna get mugged or something. Thats offensive.
So it turns out it was exactly what I thought.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katnan
Maybe he doesn't know how to tell you he doesn't think it's a safe idea to go to Mexico for lunch with a stranger. Truthfully I don't know why you'd want to do that with someone you have met once.
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There are dental clinics there, that are operated by US dentists, for cheaper dental work, but the clinics have their own shuttle buses, and they pick people up from the US side of the border, and drive them to the clinics and back. They don't ask anyone to walk across or take a bus or drive across. 
