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You may not know me as well as you think. I have a long history of getting crushes on effeminate men (who also happened to be gay). I have also been with masc men but doesn't mean I am a one trick pony. My last partner despite being a built LEO had some slight effeminate things about him. Very hygenic, loves to clean, cook, dance. I sometimes wondered if he was bi.
But that said you are right, I am sieving through prospects with a tight sieve.
I am not trying to just make it work with someone. I want an effortless match. I don't want to have to work on a relationship now at this time of my life.
Maybe this is what being set in your ways means. I own it. I know what I want and don't want to give up the things I want just so I can say I have a boyfriend.
LOL... none of those make him 'effeminate', especially the hygiene bit. Nothing 'fem' about showering, flossing/brushing teeth, slapping on the deodorant, clipping nails, and keeping 'the boys' clean and sweet-smelling... and tasting.
Now... if he wears thigh-highs, skirts, chokers, and unabashedly loves pink things - as I do... then you may have a case.
But... back to main topic... I think your 'being set in your ways' may not give you the results are seeking - and that is not a negative judgement of you personally. 'Being set in your ways' deffo puts a damper on things.
I am, sadly, beginning to see that in myself... but I fight it.
I have said multiple times, the food is far better.
And yes, the energy in the air changes. It feels like a different country, because it is. Even though its a few miles away. I find it exhilarating.
But that aside, the quality of the food alone would make it worth it. I don't know why but it is much much much better. Americans cross all the time just to patronize a few restaurants even though we obviously have Mexican restaurants stateside.
There are people who get what I am saying. I am not engaging in some bizarre alien thing here by wanting to go to a restaurant I love a few miles away that happens to be across the border.
But some people don't get it. This thread and the responses are an excellent example. I couldn't date most of you because your reaction is ...well just like that guys!
Thats fine of course. You do you!
But there are people who would be on the same page. Those are the people I hope to find.
Which is fine. But don't pathologize them if they're not on the same page.
You knew this guy for ONE week. You said that he "agreed" to go on a second date with you to a place you love, and then "changed his mind". It's possible that while he was 'agreeing', he was also thinking about it for a few moments...and quickly realized that it wasn't something he was interested in doing.
I don't know if this conversation initially took place via phone call or over text. If it took place over the phone, I would be able to 'hear' if they were interested, even if they said, "yes" up front. Plus, if I DID feel that they changed their mind, I'd be asking them, "How come you changed your mind?"...and not stew about it, while considering he's "manipulative" or a "liar".
This whole thread has lasted longer than it would have taken to settle it over a phone call. You would have found out then that he wasn't into going to Mexico...politely said something like, "I'm sorry, but it seems that we're looking for different things..." and be done with it! Move onto the next one! No need to over-analyze.
The only thing I would suggest to you is to get to know someone a bit better before agreeing to go on a date with them. Believe me, you'll avoid a LOT of headaches that way.
LOL... none of those make him 'effeminate', especially the hygiene bit. Nothing 'fem' about showering, flossing/brushing teeth, slapping on the deodorant, clipping nails, and keeping 'the boys' clean and sweet-smelling... and tasting.
Now... if he wears thigh-highs, skirts, chokers, and unabashedly loves pink things - as I do... then you may have a case.
But... back to main topic... I think you're 'being set in your ways' may not give you the results are seeking - and that is not a negative judgement of you personally. 'Being set in your ways' deffo puts a damper on things.
I am, sadly, beginning to see that in myself... but I fight it.
I don't know what he does in his private time.
I have enjoyed dressing a couple boyfriends up in the past in my clothes and makeup.
Its all part of the open minded experiment loving package.
I am up for almost anything! Which I guess is why it was such a turn off to me that dude was so scared or maybe just racist or something. Bad either way.
Maybe after 20+ years of dating I have just gotten really good at recognizing when I.am wasting time on someone.
I don't think that is bad despite the extreme push back I am getting here. If I wanted just any relationship I could certainly get one!
I want the right relationship and am in no kind of rush.
This latest dude...well it took one date and 2 weeks to put him in the nope category. Not wasting time and energy is good. I consider it a success in that way.
Which is fine. But don't pathologize them if they're not on the same page.
You knew this guy for ONE week. You said that he "agreed" to go on a second date with you to a place you love, and then "changed his mind". It's possible that while he was 'agreeing', he was also thinking about it for a few moments...and quickly realized that it wasn't something he was interested in doing.
I don't know if this conversation initially took place via phone call or over text. If it took place over the phone, I would be able to 'hear' if they were interested, even if they said, "yes" up front. Plus, if I DID feel that they changed their mind, I'd be asking them, "How come you changed your mind?"...and not stew about it, while considering he's "manipulative" or a "liar".
This whole thread has lasted longer than it would have taken to settle it over a phone call. You would have found out then that he wasn't into going to Mexico...politely said something like, "I'm sorry, but it seems that we're looking for different things..." and be done with it! Move onto the next one! No need to over-analyze.
The only thing I would suggest to you is to get to know someone a bit better before agreeing to go on a date with them. Believe me, you'll avoid a LOT of headaches that way.
This right here is really the best advice. Why the rush? Take your time... it is much more fun and comes with less anxiety and stress.
I have enjoyed dressing a couple boyfriends up in the past in my clothes and makeup.
Its all part of the open minded experiment loving package.
I am up for almost anything! Which I guess is why it was such a turn off to me that dude was so scared or maybe just racist or something. Bad either way.
Maybe after 20+ years of dating I have just gotten really good at recognizing when I.am wasting time on someone.
I don't think that is bad despite the extreme push back I am getting here. If I wanted just any relationship I could certainly get one!
I want the right relationship and am in no kind of rush.
This latest dude...well it took one date and 2 weeks to put him in the nope category. Not wasting time and energy is good. I consider it a success in that way.
You're sounding better and better. I agree, he sounds like an ignorant and 'uncurious' person... but simply walk away if he is not what you are seeking, no need for the drama. Just move on.
But, seriously, Mink gave you a terrific piece of advice - which I bolded. I think if you heed it, you may actually find what you want sooner AND without all the stress and aggravation.
Just curious, what kind of "adventurous" things did you and your last SO (the one you just broke up with) do? Why didn't you take him to that restaurant? (You said you had not been in 2 years)
Just curious, what kind of "adventurous" things did you and your last SO (the one you just broke up with) do? Why didn't you take him to that restaurant? (You said you had not been in 2 years)
He is a border patrol agent and can't hang out in border towns. Its a potential conflict of interest.
To be perfectly frank his presence alone was exciting enough for me. Our conversation was scintillating. I didn't need extras.
I do see the implications here. I was into him and didn't need him to prove anything.
I just wasn't into this most recent guy. I wanted to be and tried to make it happen.
Also thank you Mink and Euskilkerria for the advice on taking my time to meet someone!
Thank you to everyone for all the feedback!
It's not just taking the time though, moongirl. It's about what you do during that time.
For example, you mentioned earlier that you didn't know what this guy does for a living. That would be a very basic question to ask. After all, would you want to date someone who had let's say, a 'morally questionable' job? How about a drug user? Someone with a criminal record? How about religion? Political preferences?
Not saying you necessarily have to grill them into the earth. But if you know what your deal-breakers are, you may want to get that information as quickly as possible.
You're welcome.
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