Is he gaslighting me? (guys, attracted, advice, personality)
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Well to be honest it's hard to reject people. Nobody wants to hurt others feelings especially if they are being nice but you are just not feeling it.
I don't like being rejected either.
So how do you let someone down easy if they want a second date but you just aren't into them? Without feeling like an a hole.
I think stringing along would be more like if I was flirting or expressing interest just to keep him on the hook. But I have just been replying politely to his texts but not committing to a second date or being flirtatious. I didn't realize that is stringing someone along.
That IS stringing someone along.
If you don't want a second date, you say "It was nice to meet you but I don't feel we're a match. Best of luck with your search" and be done with it. You don't text back and forth with maybe you'll think about it type responses.
You are dragging this out to not feel bad and making a situation bigger than it needs to be. It never should have gotten to this point, IMO.
If you don't want a second date, you say "It was nice to meet you but I don't feel we're a match. Best of luck with your search" and be done with it. You don't text back and forth with maybe you'll think about it type responses.
You are dragging this out to not feel bad and making a situation bigger than it needs to be. It never should have gotten to this point, IMO.
Well yesterday I did decline a second date and told him I am going to be too busy to date. Its a soft rejection but if he can take a hint he should get it. Though he texted again today but I ignored it.
Do we really have to spell it out like "I do not want to see you again. Stop texting."
Well to be honest it's hard to reject people. Nobody wants to hurt others feelings especially if they are being nice but you are just not feeling it.
I don't like being rejected either.
So how do you let someone down easy if they want a second date but you just aren't into them? Without feeling like an a hole.
I think stringing along would be more like if I was flirting or expressing interest just to keep him on the hook. But I have just been replying politely to his texts but not committing to a second date or being flirtatious. I didn't realize that is stringing someone along.
Moongirl, how you handle this is politely and gently shutting it down, then blocking off communication afterwards. Telling him that you're "too busy" is still leaving a door open for him. Don't rely on hints--just be direct and clear about your lack of interest in him ("not a good fit" is a good enough reason to give). Besides, if you continue to online date using the site where you met him (or other platforms that he might also be using), he's going to discover that you were lying to him about being "too busy to date" soon enough. No need to lie to the guy.
If you're not interested, continuing to reply to his tests is disingenuous. Beside, you two went out on one date. This wasn't exactly the romance of the century. He'll survive, I'm sure.
Moongirl, how you handle this is politely and gently shutting it down, then blocking off communication afterwards. Telling him that you're "too busy" is still leaving a door open for him. Don't rely on hints--just be direct and clear about your lack of interest in him ("not a good fit" is a good enough reason to give).
If you're not interested, continuing to reply to his tests is disingenuous. Beside, you two went out on one date. This wasn't exactly the romance of the century. He'll survive, I'm sure.
Ok. I thought I had let him down already though it seems he is just a persistent guy. I didn't mean to send mixed signals but it seems he thinks I am more interested than I am.
Especially if he thinks I would be down to "spend the night.". Wth? I didn't think I had sent any DTF signals out at all but apparently I do, maybe subconsciously, I don't know.
Ok. I thought I had let him down already though it seems he is just a persistent guy. I didn't mean to send mixed signals but it seems he thinks I am more interested than I am.
Especially if he thinks I would be down to "spend the night.". Wth? I didn't think I had sent any DTF signals out at all but apparently I do, maybe subconsciously, I don't know.
Be direct. Some guys need a solid "no" before moving on.
As for being "DTF"--he very likely tries to push that boundary with women who he dates. Kind of like a telemarketer who will call a hundred people, be told "no" a hundred times, only to finally get a "yes" on number one hundred and one. I wouldn't overthink this part any more than that.
Well yesterday I did decline a second date and told him I am going to be too busy to date. Its a soft rejection but if he can take a hint he should get it. Though he texted again today but I ignored it.
Do we really have to spell it out like "I do not want to see you again. Stop texting."
Yes, you do need to spell it out, in the words I suggested. It's direct, to the point, and not hurtful, but it also cuts off the ensuing drama that you seem to enjoy.
You are creating this mountain out of a molehill and would rather talk about how cagey he is than your own behaviour here.
It is a guy I went on one date with but am not sure if I want to see again. I told him give me time to think about if I want to go out again. He texts every day since then.
Yesterday he texted and said he wants to spend the night with me.
I told him I am not looking for that kind of relationship and he is moving too fast.
He said " What do you mean? Couples spend time together."
Then he said he didn't mean in bed. He meant I would spend the night but in his spare bedroom.
I felt gaslighted and this isn't the first time he has shown possible signs of gaslighting.
Am I imagining it?
I'm not sure you understand the meaning of "gaslighting". Please correct me if I am wrong, but I think gaslighting is when someone purposely tries to make you second guess yourself and your thinking; as in they are trying to make it look like you are unstable or "crazy", and that they have done nothing to you.
I don't see any "gaslighting" here. Maybe I'm misunderstanding something.
I am looking back through our text now to make sure I am not misremembering.
My exact words were "I think there is someone out there that is a better match match for you. I don't want to waste your time if we know its not the best match"
Honest question, I need to be more direct than that?
With him I obviously do, but in general wouldn't that be enough for most guys?
I am looking back through our text now to make sure I am not misremembering.
My exact words were "I think there is someone out there that is a better match match for you. I don't want to waste your time if we know its not the best match"
Honest question, I need to be more direct than that?
With him I obviously do, but in general wouldn't that be enough for most guys?
yes, that is very clear.
But obviously, as he showed before, he is a weirdo. He continues to show this attribute by contacting you. You dodged a major bullet!!!
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