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Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,634,410 times
Reputation: 7618
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
It is a guy I went on one date with but am not sure if I want to see again. I told him give me time to think about if I want to go out again. He texts every day since then.
Yesterday he texted and said he wants to spend the night with me.
He doesn’t sound like the sharpest crayon in the box OR he is super young. You told him you had to think about a 2nd date & he is texting you to spend the night? Weird. Who does that?
edit:
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
I noticed signs of pushiness, like he kept wanting me to get in his car, go to his house.
I don’t mean to offend you Moongirl…but how on earth do you have so much bad luck finding a “normal” guy to date? IMO you spend too much time thinking how to make it work…or questioning yourself & City Data! Have conversations with the guys & set your boundaries! Listen when they tell you who they are. Actions speak louder than words.
I feel so bad for you….but you have to do a better job at screening IMO.
Ok. I was willing to go on a 2nd date with him and we had one planned. But then he acted strange over it. That was the first red flag so that's when I told him we are not a match etc.
I should have just not replied to him ever again. So I messed up here. Not sure why I did, seemed harmless at the time.
But he seems to be the type who takes a mile if you give an inch. I noticed signs of pushiness, like he kept wanting me to get in his car, go to his house.
No way. That's how Ted Bundy got his victims. Once they were in his car they were completely at his mercy.
I am not saying this guy is Ted Bundy but that pushiness should have been the first red flag. He may have only good intentions but is proving himself to be more pushy as time goes on. Trust is not growing.
Sometimes people reveal themselves slowly and I am trying not to live life assuming the worst of everyone. Trying to make new friends and dating and activity partners.
Its tiring to have to look for red flags all the time and always walk on eggshells so as not to accidentally give a guy the wrong idea. Lots of lonely and probably sex starved guys around here so its easy to have happen without intending it. Their pickings for single available women are probably very slim. Plenty of beautiful yet married women so I am sure it gets frustrating for them.
I suppose I am just venting now but this is just the process of dating. At least where things are at now and my location, etc.
All this ^^^^ unnecessary drama, which you seem to thrive on.
He doesn’t sound like the sharpest crayon in the box OR he is super young. You told him you had to think about a 2nd date & he is texting you to spend the night? Weird. Who does that?
edit:
I don’t mean to offend you Moongirl…but how on earth do you have so much bad luck finding a “normal” guy to date? IMO you spend too much time thinking how to make it work…or questioning yourself & City Data! Have conversations with the guys & set your boundaries! Listen when they tell you who they are. Actions speak louder than words.
I feel so bad for you….but you have to do a better job at screening IMO.
No need to feel bad. I enjoy the process of meeting new people.
There just aren't huge numbers of quality single men where I live and I am not willing to relocate for a relationship. So that limits my options.
Its fine though. It just may take longer to find compatible matches.
If this exact scenario happens again, I will let the guy know the way timberline, moonsavvy, and you suggested, that I am not interested. Then cease communion even if he keeps texting.
I did let him know that but I did let the communication go on longer because I was trying to do the slow fade. I honestly think that's the only mistake I made here. Attempting the slow fade instead of ghosting.
I didn't know he wouldn't get the hint.
In my opinion, slow-fading and ghosting are cruel, immature behaviors.
Hopefully, after this experience you've learned to be more direct with men in whom you're not interested in dating.
As I see it Moongirl is not young and new to dating, nor is she unfamiliar with relationships. By now she should recognize gaslighting and weird behavior easily enough. She should know how to firmly say she has determined she is not interested.
As I see it Moongirl is not young and new to dating, nor is she unfamiliar with relationships. By now she should recognize gaslighting and weird behavior easily enough. She should know how to firmly say she has determined she is not interested.
Is there a reason you are talking about me like I'm not here?
Not every situation is black and white.
But its getting tedious to repeat what has been covered and solved ad nauseam.
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You told him you had to think about a 2nd date & he is texting you to spend the night? Weird. Who does that?
