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He's old... and probably ummm a bit slow? Not insulting the man, but when a person gets older they tend to have a lower capacity to hold a proper conversation... esp active listening.
Also some men are quite egocentric. Meaning they are wired to only think about themselves and everything else in this world revolves around that. So if a subject doesn't interest him or is not a part of his life, he will literally not care about talking about it.
I think everyone is wondering why you are still in a relationship with him, since in a long distance relationship EVERYTHING is a conversation. So if communication is lacking, then maybe realize that it may not last.
Is this a relationship of convenience? Maybe both of you are lonely and fill the niche for the moment (again not insulting anyone, just stating facts).
Personally I think you should broach the subject IF you are willing to risk him blowing up at you and ending the relationship. Not knowing the man I don't know if he will take it personal or be objective and see your point of view. Some ppl take all criticism in a negative way instead of reflecting and improving themselves.
He is an old friend back in my hometown. I was up there with him a few months ago and am going again next week. I am possibly considering moving back...not necessarily for him but to be closer to family. I really appreciate your comments, they make a lot of sense. But geez, would it kill him to say, for example, "how was your night" or "did you have a good time" when I've gone out with friends the night before? I actually said to him, "Do you want to know how my night was?". He said, "What, you went out, you had dinner" (as if no further discussion was needed LOL). The funny thing is, a friend of mine is dating a friend of his, and she complains about the exact same thing. So maybe it is just an age thing. Something to ponder. And given his health problems, maybe I should just back off and be more understanding.
You must not have read "Men Are From Mars..." back in the day. It's very helpful in understanding the difference between men's and women's communication styles. And see my post above to address your second comment.
Do you want our advice or not?
It's pretty easy. If you can't have long, two-way conversations at the beginning of the relationship, then you certainly won't be having them further down the road.
And that Men Are From Mars nonsense is just that: Pop psychology nonsense. If you're dating an uncommunicative neanderthal, he's not going to suddenly develop frontal lobes on his brain, magically increasing his interpersonal skills. Men and women do communicate differently, but they should at least communicate. I've know lots of women who married the strong-but-silent types who wound up just being...silent. At that point, you're better off being alone.
It boils down to this. If it's important to you, then it should be important to him--and vice versa. If he can't summon even the basic level of interest in something you're really into, then broom him before things go too far down the road.
OP, in time it will really, really get to you. You will get to the point where you just cannot stand to be in a conversation with him.
I have a relative like that. I am about to be cast into yet another dinner with her (I didn't invite her; someone else did) and I just really, really dread it. I can do it, understand, I just get tired of her always talking about herself.
FWIW, she is 55, divorced and in our town of 40,000 could not get a date no matter what. She has no clue how people see her; she thinks she is wonderful.
He is an old friend back in my hometown. I was up there with him a few months ago and am going again next week. I am possibly considering moving back...not necessarily for him but to be closer to family. I really appreciate your comments, they make a lot of sense. But geez, would it kill him to say, for example, "how was your night" or "did you have a good time" when I've gone out with friends the night before? I actually said to him, "Do you want to know how my night was?". He said, "What, you went out, you had dinner" (as if no further discussion was needed LOL). The funny thing is, a friend of mine is dating a friend of his, and she complains about the exact same thing. So maybe it is just an age thing. Something to ponder. And given his health problems, maybe I should just back off and be more understanding.
I sure as heck would not be understanding towards a person-- with whom I am in a relationship-- who goes on forever about themselves but shows little interest in anything I have to say. No balance there. That you feel this relationship "must" continue seems a little strange to me but if you're willing to put up with it he's got himself a nice setup. A rapt audience without having to actually participate in the relationship.
He’s self centered and if he’s not asking you questions now when he should be imagine what it will be like in a few years. There’s worse things than being alone and you have found it.
He is an old friend back in my hometown. I was up there with him a few months ago and am going again next week. I am possibly considering moving back...not necessarily for him but to be closer to family. I really appreciate your comments, they make a lot of sense. But geez, would it kill him to say, for example, "how was your night" or "did you have a good time" when I've gone out with friends the night before? I actually said to him, "Do you want to know how my night was?". He said, "What, you went out, you had dinner" (as if no further discussion was needed LOL). The funny thing is, a friend of mine is dating a friend of his, and she complains about the exact same thing. So maybe it is just an age thing. Something to ponder. And given his health problems, maybe I should just back off and be more understanding.
Maybe its just their way of communicating. Listening is not their strong suit. Sometimes when I get with a particular group of my wife's friends, they ALL talk at the same time. Sometimes gets to be sensory overload for me. They're all good caring people, but they are all talkers/entertainers, not listeners.
On the other hand, maybe he is just starved for someone to listen to him. And he will talk your ear off. Sounds like there may be some particular situation that may have triggered that behavior.
Sometimes communicating is a lot more difficult on the phone because you can't use body language to steer the conversation.
Don't know that I have helpful advice, but I wanted to counter all the people saying he must be a terrible, socially incompetent person who doesn't care a whiff about you.
Maybe if you value the relationship and can't get him to listen, make sure you have other people who you CAN actually talk to.
I agree that this could just be his way of communicating.
My ex has always found it difficult to ask questions. He was always really interested in what I had to say and would always remember details etc but asking questions was just something he struggled with.
I raised it with him and he tried but it doesn’t come natural to him. He’s aware it is something that he needs to work on and I believe that he is still doing so. He also mentioned one time in the past when he bumped into someone he knew in a bar and after chatting for a while this guy said "you haven't asked me a single question this whole time". My ex felt awful about that.
It could be frustrating and started to get boring for me, especially over time as the honeymoon period started to wear off.
I guess for some women being in a relationship--any relationship--is the most important thing in the world.
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