Am I the dating version of radioactive? (women, single, 2014)
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I have been single for the last year and a half. In my adventures back out in the dating world has been........crappy.
I am a 45/m and I have been looking for awhile. I don't like to get set up by friends or date in the workplace so online has been my go to option.
I do and say all the right things. I listen to what a woman has to say. I can carry a conversation about most anything. I am not a dirty pig. I dont have a lot of baggage (less than most people my age). I am not a drug addict, alcoholic, abuser, etc. I have a good job and a good head on my shoulders. I am not gross (I jog daily). I also dont think I am too picky, sure there are a few things that I dont like: Trump supporters (not many in my area), people with wayy too much drama, ones who just dont care about their appearance but other than that I am pretty open. I dont play games with people either.
I am not perfect: I am not a handiman type, I dont fish, and I am 5'7 (I dont see how that matters but apparently it does).
Whenever I show any semblence of interest in someone I get "thanks but no thanks" or I get pulled along by people who just want to chat or go out on a date once a month.
What am I doing wrong? Do I have to be a jerk and/or play games with people just to get someone to date me?
"say all the right things" sounds disingenuous, like you're going through the motions of what you should do, and not who you are. How do you show interest and how selective are you about who you date? Just anyone will do, or someone with whom you have things in common?
What are your interests, hobbies, etc? A lot of people connect through those first, seeking common ground.
"say all the right things" sounds disingenuous, like you're going through the motions of what you should do, and not who you are. How do you show interest and how selective are you about who you date? Just anyone will do, or someone with whom you have things in common?
What are your interests, hobbies, etc? A lot of people connect through those first, seeking common ground.
I can understand how that would be disingenous, I meant it in a way that I didnt want to say it in a way that would turn people away. I am not critical if someone really likes something that I am not a big fan of. I will admit some of my hobbies are the things that most women hate (sports, video games, etc) and try to highlight some hobbies that I have that most women would like. I dont ignore it, but I dont put it out front and center.
There is someone for everyone, just keep dating and being yourself and you'll eventually find a good fit.
The reality is, you may.....MAY.....not be as witty, attractive, successful, etc. that you think you are. We're all guilty of thinking of ourselves in that manner but no one is perfect. Put enough lines in the water and eventually you'll haul in a good catch.
There is someone for everyone, just keep dating and being yourself and you'll eventually find a good fit.
The reality is, you may.....MAY.....not be as witty, attractive, successful, etc. that you think you are. We're all guilty of thinking of ourselves in that manner but no one is perfect. Put enough lines in the water and eventually you'll haul in a good catch.
I am aware that I am not all that. I know that I am far from "successful" but I know I am in better condition than a lot of people my age out there.
I have put my lines out there but I have had no luck
OP, please do not change yourself into a 'jerk' because you will not attract the kind of women you *really* want to attract. Basically, be your BEST self and don't try to mold yourself into what you may *think* women want. Women are not a hivemind, meaning women want many different things.
Just be your BEST self and don't focus on 'getting' a partner - many times it happens when you are *not* looking.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,054,579 times
Reputation: 40635
Where in RI are you? I moved to RI when I was about 45 and found it really active dating wise. Bumble and OKC worked best, but met people at E&0s, Dusk, Water Fire, Ogies, Long Live, etc to date as well. If you're not in PVD, you may need to travel here as the hinterlands (with maybe the exception of Newport) are pretty lacking.
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