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Stop watching Hollywoods brainwashing. They have brainwashed everbody into thinking many taboo things are normal..
Divorces are treated like a cool factor, then stay friends and hang out with ex and new hubby/wiffey.. Its all indoctrination to think its okay.
Getting interest back. I think so. Put the phone and internet away, and focus on each other. Rekindle the spark. Communicate. Learn how to handle triggers.
Dont get me wrong, some relationships are not recoverable. Physically/Mentally abusive for example. That is resolved via law enforcement or other Machiavellian ways.
Divorce is a costly decision, but it can be a life saver. It has been the worst decision in my life to go through with divorce but after 2 years looking back. I wouldn't want to go back to how things were before the divorce. A massive life changing event like a divorce is going to cause huge trauma to the family especially to the kids but after few years of adjustments and costly remedies eventually things slowly work itself out.
If we were still a society that pushed counseling prior to marriage, I bet that would help.
Society has changed , imho, for the worst. Nuclear family is destroyed and not even pushed.. Media, Hollywood, elitists etc glamorize divorce, infidelity as it if is some right of passage..
It's sad to hear that COVID seems to be destroying a 21-yr marriage. What happened to compromise, support, etc.?
I've been w/ my person WAY, WAY, WAY before COVID started & we have the same mentality about COVID, so never an issue at all here throughout it first starting! It's like we each already felt & did our actions, which are the same. We didn't even have to have any sit-down talks or anything about how we'll, "handle COVID", etc.
We both have health issues in which we don't want to get vaxxed, but even if we didn't (have health issues) neither of us wouldn't want to get vaxxed anyway.
I'm normally not for marriage counseling (like if someone cheats, etc.), but in this case, you maybe should & hopefully it helps.
It's just hard to see that you've been married for this long to have something like COVID ruin it. You've obviously had good compromise, support, love, & respect all this time apparently.
Last edited by Forever Blue; 10-06-2022 at 08:45 AM..
Divorce is a costly decision, but it can be a life saver. It has been the worst decision in my life to go through with divorce but after 2 years looking back. I wouldn't want to go back to how things were before the divorce. A massive life changing event like a divorce is going to cause huge trauma to the family especially to the kids but after few years of adjustments and costly remedies eventually things slowly work itself out.
Yes, it was sad and difficult to go through divorce, and I felt like a failure because I couldn't make it work, but it takes two people and I was the only one trying.
It was more than 20 years ago, and my daughter, now 31, has thanked me several times for divorcing her dad because life was better after he was out of the house and we lived in peace. Divorcing him also made him become a real father to her for the first time, odd as that might sound. Before the divorce, he never attended things like parent-teacher conferences, school plays, concerts, softball games of hers, but after the divorce he began to do those things. They have a good relationship and she accepts him as he is with his limitations (alcoholism, basically) but she remembers how bad it was before she was eight years old when he was still in the house. Constant turmoil and conflict. He and I also developed a better relationship as parents together over time after the divorce now that we didn't have to fight over money issues due to his drinking and gambling.
While the OP's wife does not appear to have those issues, it is apparent she has some mental illness issues believing the things she does (that his "shedding virus" due to the vaccine is causing her blood issues.)
While you might love your wife and want her mind to clear up, it could be beyond your ability to fix and you may have to face that you need to separate to save your own sanity and keep you a better parent.
Seems to me that in light of the most recent post by the OP, he and his wife have agreed to disagree and acknowledge that they both realize they have fallen out of love with each other. Separated, they can remain friends and build on that going forward. Staying together might possibly work in some situations, but IMO not this one.
It's not a terrible thing to separate and remain friends, as MQ just stated.
Just an update:
Looks like we are heading towards divorce. My wife said she's too hurt and not willing to not look at the past. I on the other hand am willing to forgive and move forward with her and try again. It doesn't look that will happen as she told me today that she spoke to a divorce lawyer. Still not concrete but I'd say about 95% there.
It's heartbreaking.
Question as I get ready for the divorce proceedings. I believe she is going to use 'emotional abuse' as the reason for our divorce. How will this impact divorce decisions, etc? I thought we would use 'irreconcilable differences'.
If that is the case we have both been "abused". I at least thought we would have kept it civil. Maybe not....
Would love to hear any thoughts? Already have a lawyer myself...
Just an update:
Looks like we are heading towards divorce. My wife said she's too hurt and not willing to not look at the past. I on the other hand am willing to forgive and move forward with her and try again. It doesn't look that will happen as she told me today that she spoke to a divorce lawyer. Still not concrete but I'd say about 95% there.
It's heartbreaking.
Question as I get ready for the divorce proceedings. I believe she is going to use 'emotional abuse' as the reason for our divorce. How will this impact divorce decisions, etc? I thought we would use 'irreconcilable differences'.
If that is the case we have both been "abused". I at least thought we would have kept it civil. Maybe not....
Would love to hear any thoughts? Already have a lawyer myself...
Get a lawyer asap. Free consults abound.
Trust me..
Certain states have fault-based divorce where emotional abuse can be alleged <(pivotal word there). If you live in a "no fault divorce" state then alleging emotional abuse is a nothingburger. I don't know your relationship and what's gone on, but it seems to me from what you've said that she is trying to get the upper hand by alleging emotional abuse. Simply having heated arguments (i.e. about Covid, vaccines, etc. in your case) is not grounds for emotional abuse.
Attorneys on here can hopefully chime in.
I'm sorry for this, but I think you are going to be better off moving on. Living with that kind of black and white thinking and constant stress is not optimal.
Certain states have fault-based divorce where emotional abuse can be alleged <(pivotal word there). If you live in a "no fault divorce" state then alleging emotional abuse is a nothingburger. I don't know your relationship and what's gone on, but it seems to me from what you've said that she is trying to get the upper hand by alleging emotional abuse. Simply having heated arguments (i.e. about Covid, vaccines, etc. in your case) is not grounds for emotional abuse.
Attorneys on here can hopefully chime in.
I'm sorry for this, but I think you are going to be better off moving on. Living with that kind of black and white thinking and constant stress is not optimal.
I'm in Georgia. I also agree that the stress on me (and both of us hasn't been good). I'm ready to move on.
Contacted my lawyer this morning.
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