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To add to that - my brief time as a therapist (1 year practicum/internship, and a good part of a year as a resident), when I saw couples, most often they came as a last resort. Like “if this doesn’t work, we’re done.” And I always thought to myself “why weren’t you here a year ago, before this unraveled to the point of no return?” I wish more couples seek counseling earlier - when there are problems that can’t be fixed on their own, it’s okay to seek help.
Sorry, I know this doesn’t completely relate to topic but I have to get on my soapbox. Counseling can help but both people have to be committed and put in the work for them to have a chance of success.
That is a really good point. Another thing is that many couples don't end up in therapy at all because one of them doesn't want it and absolutely refuses to go. My mother refused to go.
My ex refused to go. When we finally went, the therapist told us (I've written about this on C-D in another thread in the past) "You have 8 sessions. I'm not here to take your money indefinitely. And I'm not going to allow you to waste my time and your time and money. If things don't improve by 8 sessions, there won't be any more." OK then!
After 3 sessions, he called my ex in alone, then he called me in alone. He told me "You have two options: You can stay and things won't change, or you can get out."
Wow. It was as that point I finally had to face the truth I'd been avoiding for years. A few months later, we separated. And my kids weren't teenage like the OP's. My kids were very young. It was not good. But I had to leave because things were escalating. (I hope that won't happen in the OP's case.)
The OP's situation seems pretty hopeless, but if after years of this kind of mentality and refusal to utilize reason, it's probably time to move on. When marriages break down, it's often because one person absolutely refuses to change.
The two daughters are firmly in the mother's camp. It's a good thing that the son is in the OP's camp. At least he has an ally and won't be completely alienated.
One of the hardest things to face is that as parents we often lose a child through alienation. Time will tell if that's the case here. But in the meantime, it's probably time to be proactive and the thread the OP started was a step in that direction.
Wow. Thanks for these words. Its been a tough couple years because of the conspiracies.
Its interesting that you say "don't divorce" but suggest me staying strong to what I believe. I think divorce should be a last option as well. But I agree I need to stay strong and make sure my viewpoint is heard. There is so much BS out there, my wife has been sucked into it. FTR, I could careless if anyone got the vax or not. But when it impacts our marriage by her blaming me for the blood issues is when I get upset.
Thanks again for the reply.
Does she yell at you daily or something, like "You big shedder!" otherwise you can't unvax yourself so you will both have to live with your own beliefs.
Some of your beliefs may be based on BS too even if you don't think so right now. Since you said you agree with majority of hers (80%?), why can't you live with 20% you don't agree with instead of calling her and your daughters crazy.
Much of the given advice here is very politically biased and overblown, not good for your relationship at all.
Hello all,
I'm heartbroken. Been married for 21 years. The first 18 years were really good. Covid changed my wife (and she says I've changed). Anyway, long story short she has become very far right politically, while I'm more moderate/lean right. She has gone down the conspiracy rabbit hole on so many things that never came to pass in the crazy covid world.
Fast forward to vaccine time. I got vaccinated a year ago this past August for work (August 2021). She is not vaccinated. I have not taken any booster shots.
My wife has a genetic blood disorder- too much iron in her blood and it needs to be dumped every so often. She is convinced her situation has flared up because I received the vaccine. It hurts me that she believes this. She doesn't get what this is doing to me. She is studying to become a holistic health counselor- she thinks she's an expert. I tell her you can take any topic and prove both sides on the internet with all of the BS on the internet. She will only look only at her side (confirmation bias).
We are both spiritual. I'm talking to a few close Christian friends. I have the scriptural verses and am in prayer on it. Does anyone have any thoughts here? Its been going on for almost three years (conspiracies) and I'm exhausted with the latest (me causing the blood issue). I hate thinking of separation which could lead to divorce. But both of us are miserable though, and it hasn't changed with years of prayer., and counseling
We have three kids 19, 17, 15. Any thoughts from anyone would be great. I really appreciate it.
Well, I'm with you on the conspiracy thing. Once it reaches a certain point, it's actually like a mental illness, much like paranoia schizophrenia. My brother is a fanatic about the federal government and makes us whisper when we're on his deck talking and laughing. He's afraid "they" will hear us and punish us accordingly. He believes 911 destruction was at the hand of our government along with countless other things. A lot of people have their own beliefs about things like this and that's OK, they have the right to have their opinion. However, when their opinions are forced on you and affect "your" life, it becomes unhealthy for you.
OK, so you're there, now you need to make a decision as to what you need to do for yourself. If you are not happy, you have to be in the driver's seat of your own life. Since you have a family, of course the first thing to do is talk to your wife and see if she will be willing to go to counseling. If she refuses, nothing is going to change. If she wants things to change she will put it upon herself to go get help. If she does, see how things go. If she refuses, make some very important decisions. Your kids are all above 15 and they will be fine. Of course divorce would be the last resort, but things do have a way of working out. Sticky situation for sure, good luck.
OP your wife needs to decide what is more important to her, your marriage or her belief that you are somehow causing her flareup. Clearly there is something else going on here.
Perhaps the flareup has to do with her stress about all these conspiracy theories she's buying in to. There might also be something she's holding against you that isn't out in the open and she's projecting this situation on to you. That is something she needs to explore, but her mind is too preoccupied with conspiracy theories and her health to see that she needs to do that.
At this point, someone other than you needs to somehow get through to her what's going on. You know, the old saying if someone close says it they don't listen, but someone more removed from the situation can get through to them. OP do your Christian friends agree with her, or are they keeping quiet? Obviously, they probably don't want to get too involved and/or take sides. But your wife needs to understand that she is at risk of losing her marriage and she needs to come to terms with whether that is something she's truly willing to risk.
I am getting divorced soon, after 18 years. My experience is counselors are horrible.
If you never, as a couple, actually communicated issues you will never be successful in getting back on track.
I recommend looking at a book called divorce busting. It may help. I got it way too late after she left me for separation purposes. It nails every dang thing wrong, that I did as well as her, in a relationship..
You can work things out, it is a hard job to do. Both are at fault.
Thanks Steve- just seeing this thread. I wish you well. Its scary how this could work out financially if we end up getting divorced. It might be better to stay together but separate for us. I spoke to an divorce attorney- my savings (401k, funds) will be cut in half. She doesn't work much but is working on the holistic health degree, wants to be a nutrition counselor. I'll always care for her and love her but maybe not in love anymore (neither is she). As she said last night we are different. Time changes us all. A lot to think about here.
Good luck in your situation. Its hard I know. Hang in there. PM me if you want.
I haven't read this whole thread. I'm guessing your wife has hemochromatosis.
Has she considered that even if she is right, that it's a moot point? Surely she understands that you would have never done anything to hurt her knowingly ... Have you told her that? Does she understand that 70% of the population is vaccinated & that there's no way to escape the shedding, even if you had not vaccinated?
It's also a moot point because if spike protein shedding IS causing her symptoms, that means that exposure to the virus will too, even if she is not infected. Just mere exposure is all it will take. Does she understand that?
As a person with hemochromatosis, she is at risk because the sars-cov2 spike protein causes clumping by binding to the CD147 on red blood cells. Unfortunately, the full length spike genome was encoded into the vaccine. If the vaccines are shedding, this could actually cause problems for her.
But regardless of viral exposure, vaccination or even the possible shedding; she needs to understand how to take care of herself by using therapeutics that bind onto the sars-cov2 spike protein, which will prevent it from locking onto the CD147 on her red blood cells.
Look, I'm as anti-vax as they come & was so long before covid but I would NEVER blame a vaccinated loved one for what she is blaming you for & I'm so sorry this is happening to the both of you. I have no qualms about spending as much time as I possibly can with my vaccinated loved ones. I know how to protect myself.
Interesting points. It does not align with some of the other posts. For example, look at post #49 on page 5.
Below is a snippet (bolded). You sound a lot like my wife's viewpoints. I'm in no way insulting you. Its good to get other opinions. The problem I have with what you say and what my doctor said is a 180 in terms of shedding. One of the problems I have with social media during the covid era is everyone has become an expert from just shopping at Walgreens or other family drug store. We basically have got to the point of minimizing the years of studying it takes to be a doctor and scientist. Really with today's social media and internet any point could be taken and proven with "facts" and data that can be found at the ends of the dark internet. I don't know, I'm over it. I rather trust my doctor- I'm no do doctor or scientist and don't have time to "do my own research"... which would take years (again the minimizing of doctors).
Like I said, I agree with my wife on a lot. I do think there is a time and place for holistic medicine-- probably even before traditional meds and drugs. But at some point you have to draw the line and say we have crossed a line here on some of this (IMO). The vax is a perfect example IMO.
I really appreciate your post and points about not blaming a vax person. Again, I respect your opinion but it doesn't align with most doctors. Thoughts?
There is no weakened virus in these 'vaccines'.
Why is that important?
BECAUSE, while it IS possible to have viral shedding after a vaccine, it requires that a weakened virus be used as the basis for the vaccines. That's not the basis or science behind any of the vaccines that are currently being used for COVID-19.
Vaccine shedding occurs if it comes from a live attenuated vaccine - meaning it contains a weakened virus.
Thanks for the update. Glad it seems you are in agreement that you both have changed (or she has) and perhaps agree that separation instead of divorce is preferable.
The reason to stay in unhealthy relationships is to try to fix them because resigning yourself to the uselessness of trying to do so becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and contributes to the societal decline around us which is constantly shouting the lie that Nothing Really Matters Anyway So Why Bother Trying! That lie is at the root of everything that is evil and is the fuel that feeds the fire consuming all that is good in this world.
Hollistic meds were given a bad name due to John D Rockefeller. Look up what he did to the medical industry, from Coal Tar/AMA, universities etc. Keep them as patients' forever vice curing. Plane ol' truth..
Marriages are worth saving, finding the right solution takes time and real hard work.. Remember why you both got together, and figure out why you lost interest, communication etc etc..
Even if people know why they lost interest, do you really think they can get it back? The episodes on TV are the success stories. That doesn't mean it is successful in every case.
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