Adult picky eater what to do about (ladies, cancer, responsible)

[Mightyqueen801]

Originally Posted by otterhere

Ridiculous, IMO.

Yeah, back to old great-uncle John and his daily hamburgers, even to the point where he demanded one at a fancy wedding. Lived well into his 90s.

Now if someone is doing self-induced barfing after every meal, that's a disorder that can kill.

[zentropa]

Originally Posted by otterhere

Ridiculous, IMO.

Oh OK. People who eat fast food every day (as the OP described) and few or no fruits and vegetables will never develop heart disease, fatty liver disease, diabetes or any other progressive fatal disease.

No, the idea is ridiculous.

[DubbleT]

Originally Posted by Mikala43

If my husband was a meat and potato guy, we would probably not be compatible. It's kinda indicative of a general mindset and openness to new things.

Not necessarily, it depends on the reason for being picky. For example my son is primarily picky over texture issues, he doesn't eat some foods, or food combinations, because they feel unpleasant in his mouth for whatever reason. It has absolutely no bearing on his willingness to try new experiences and adventures (other than food)

Originally Posted by zentropa

Oh OK. People who eat fast food every day (as the OP described) and few or no fruits and vegetables will never develop heart disease, fatty liver disease, diabetes or any other progressive fatal disease.

No, the idea is ridiculous.

Hmmmm, what about all the many people who aren't picky eaters who will also get those diseases. You're being an alarmist.

[zentropa]

Originally Posted by DubbleT

Not necessarily, it depends on the reason for being picky. For example my son is primarily picky over texture issues, he doesn't eat some foods, or food combinations, because they feel unpleasant in his mouth for whatever reason. It has absolutely no bearing on his willingness to try new experiences and adventures (other than food)Hmmmm, what about all the many people who aren't picky eaters who will also get those diseases. You're being an alarmist.

What other people? Aren't we talking about the OP's partner here? The one with the intractable eating disorder?

He doesn't like texture, food touching other foods etc.

OP is worried about his health. I think she has good reason to be. You don't?

[Mightyqueen801]

Originally Posted by zentropa

What other people? Aren't we talking about the OP's partner here? The one with the intractable eating disorder?

OP is worried about his health. I think she has good reason to be. You don't?

But the dude is in his fifties and has presumably been eating this way his whole life. The damage is done. There's really little point in getting him to change now. Hell, it was too late for Jim Fixx to undo the damage he'd done earlier in life, right?

Let him eat what he wants, and make sure she has a nice black dress in the closet.

[LookinForMayberry]

Originally Posted by AndCatsForAll

I'm in a new relationship and am living with a wonderfully fun, adventurous SO. We are going on around 10 months of living together. He's in his early 50's and I'm a half-decade behind him. He is a picky eater. I could be dropped anywhere on the globe and eat local cuisine happily. My list of shocking tried foods is above average. I can cook he cannot cook.
... I know that as a picky eater this is a sensitive topic for him. I don't want him to feel attacked or like I am nagging.

I've done research on picky eating and selective eating disorders but there's mostly guidance for self-help. Not much for the people who live with them. Can anyone relate or have any advice or guidance they can offer?

It's not a disorder. As people age, their ability to eat certain foods change too. If you cannot accommodate his dietary needs because you prefer other foods, then let him have his ways, and you be you.

Like you, when I was your age, I too could eat anything. That changed in my 40s. Now, aside from not wanting food to touch, I am much like your husband in my eating habits. DH loves his spicy foods, sauces, etc. So, I shop for us both. I cook some of his meals, planning for leftovers, and I eat my veggies, fruits, nuts, and whole grains. He gets his fatty meats, dairy products, and sweets. We are happy. You can be, too.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801

There's really little point in getting him to change now. .

I don't agree with this. I completely changed my diet in my early 40s, then again at 50, and its done wonders for my health and fitness. I can run further and faster, and am in much better shape than I ever was in my 30s.

The key though is I wanted to change, it wasn't' someone else trying to change me.

[Sonic_Spork]

Originally Posted by DubbleT

Not necessarily, it depends on the reason for being picky. For example my son is primarily picky over texture issues, he doesn't eat some foods, or food combinations, because they feel unpleasant in his mouth for whatever reason. It has absolutely no bearing on his willingness to try new experiences and adventures (other than food)Hmmmm, what about all the many people who aren't picky eaters who will also get those diseases. You're being an alarmist.

Yeah, texture is a big deal. And it seems common (as it is for me) that plant textures are a huge trigger, unfortunately. Celery, onion, crisp leafy green anything...it's like nails on a chalkboard. I do find it interesting to speculate as to what elements could be part of the cause of this. Like it is well known and often mocked that British folks boil veggies until they turn into bland mush. I would be far more able to eat bland mush, than crispy fresh plants...and I am almost entirely genetically British. Is that part of it? Damned if I know. But it's interesting!

And in some regards I am VERY open to new experiences.

Even with food, if I were presented with a kind of cooked meat that I had never tried, as long as it was from a creature that seems to be acceptably in my mind a "food animal"...I would be down to try it and somewhat likely to enjoy it. I've tried and enjoyed various game meats that a lot of people I know go "ugh" at. Lamb, bison, elk, venison...

And situational context can really turn my picky eating on its head, too. When I was seeing the weirdo fling guy that I've mentioned a number of times over the years...and that whole interaction was sparky-hot for me and did involve some power dynamic stuff, I was mentally toying with the whole Dom/sub concept, and it all felt like a slightly dangerous but thrilling adventure... Well, this man has a huge garden, and grows many food plants and makes a lot of his own food. One evening he took me out to show me around his garden, and he plucked off a bud from a plant and handed it to me and said, "Eat this." And because it all was what it was, I did! And I did not hate it! It was a nasturtium flower, and first it tasted like apple to me, but had a surprising peppery finish. Now for all I've gone on and on about "no one has a right to tell me what to eat"...the nature of these kinds of power plays in relationships is that I could say no, but I'm choosing not to, he did not demand more than I freely gave to him...I mean, I was trusting him that he would not just poison me! But if I'm feeling challenged a bit, then there's a bit more thrill there. And oddly, ever since I started down that path, I have been able to bend my own brain to cast a surprising number of things in that light in order to "trick myself" into doing stuff that I otherwise would dread. Dentist visits, even! LOL!

Sometimes things are all about how you frame them in your mind. And brain-hacks can be found in surprising places.

Originally Posted by zentropa

What other people? Aren't we talking about the OP's partner here? The one with the intractable eating disorder?

OP is worried about his health. I think she has good reason to be. You don't?

She does, which is why several people, myself included, suggested that he see a doctor and have bloodwork done. I did not see her mention that he was overweight or had a documented history of high blood pressure or diabetes, etc.

The way in which this goes too far is to assume that a picky eater has an unhealthy body, by default. They might or they might not, and a lot of non-picky eaters do, too. A close friend of mine who is all about holistic health stuff and who has worked in a hospital, was similarly alarmed about my health, until I told her about recent blood work. She just cannot believe that someone who doesn't eat vegetables is healthy.

But at the same time, she will tell me about all of these fad diets she tries to engage in, how stressed and guilty and miserable she feels if she eats something she is "not supposed to" and how constantly tempted she is to binge eat, like a whole bag of cookies or chips unchecked even if she isn't enjoying them particularly...and I cannot imagine that. Like if I eat one Oreo cookie, I'm like "whoa...enough." If I get a meal at a restaurant, I'm finished before everyone else and have to take leftovers home because the portions are bonkers. Some people get offended about that too, it was always part of the "clean your plate, starving children are in Ethiopia!!!" thing. One normal sized meal is THREE meals for me.

And it doesn't take impulse control, I just feel no desire or urge to eat past a point of comfortably full. When I'm done, I'm done.

But guess which kind of eating is more common in America? To a point that folks get ANGRY at me for being this weird, picky, person? Yeah, the model of "devour everything in sight, go on crash diets, agonize over calories and stress out about food"...like there are loads of ways to be "normal" that I don't think are actually healthy. And I doubt if the majority of people who constitute the American "obesity epidemic" we keep hearing about, are picky eaters. Some might be. But I bet most aren't.

So tl;dr - Yes health, and OP's partner's health, does matter. Evaluate it separately to see if it's a problem first, though. Don't assume that it must be.

[DubbleT]

Originally Posted by zentropa

What other people? Aren't we talking about the OP's partner here? The one with the intractable eating disorder?

OP is worried about his health. I think she has good reason to be. You don't?

You're attempting to say that he's at risk of those things because he's picky. I'm pointing out that you don't have to be a picky eater to have those very same risk, in other words 'picky' eating isn't the cause of those issues, poor eating is. There is a difference.

[zentropa]

Originally Posted by DubbleT

You're attempting to say that he's at risk of those things because he's picky. I'm pointing out that you don't have to be a picky eater to have those very same risk, in other words 'picky' eating isn't the cause of those issues, poor eating is. There is a difference.

No I'm saying he is at risk because of his inability to eat almost anything but fast food. Which has its roots in a lifelong difficulty with textures, etc. OP indicated this goes back to his childhood in the original post.