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That's hard rn because she's not out of my house yet. Once she's gone I think that might be a good strategy for awhile, but she also has a child that I've basically raised as my own that we both still want me to have a relationship with.
Also, I just don't want to cut ties with her permanently. We've had a lot of problems, but she's basically my best friend and right now I can't imagine not having her in my life in some way.
If you want to heal as bad as you say you do, you need to not have contact with her. You are using this excuse to try and hang on and eventually SHE will stop contacting you. She is feeling guilty and manipulating you by trying to be your "friend". She doesn't want you anymore and it's best to not talk to her until after both of you heal. The sad thing is, she isn't ready for a new relationshp, I mean, dang... she had stuff at your house and sleeping with another guy? Not like the took any time to heal. Hopefully you will, and she will be bouncing around in chaos all the time and you will come out of this far more healthy and happy than she will. Do yourself a favor, demand her things are removed from your house, get your keys back and delete her. Then you would have done something healthy for yourself.
She should be gone by the end of next week or so and frankly I'm freaking out about how I'll handle that as well. I know it needs to happen. That's when the real healing can start, but that first night or two.... it's gonna be rough.
REO Speedwagon "One Lonely Night". Good song.
My good friend lost her son on his 17th birthday from an auto accident. She told me that her Doctor wanted to give her meds to take that would calm her down. She was a very wise woman and her reply to the Doctor was "Thank you, but if I don't feel this with all my heart and soul, I won't be able to heal."
I advised him to find somebody else and/or have as much sex as possible. No reason to put up roadblocks and dwell on somebody who does not want him. There's also no law that says he could not find a better match. There are some who even find better matches while they are with their significant others. There is no universal timeline for moving on.
Have as much sex as possible? Are you kidding me? Why would you advise him to use other people for sex just for his own gratification? Maybe that's your way of "getting past" but it's not healing at all. That's nuts.
I guess I'm doing alright. My ex officially moved out in mid January and it's been something of an adjustment. I've had some really low points, and probably will continue to, but they are less and less. When you've been with someone for a significant amount of time, and a big portion of your life and mind is wrapped up in the two of you as a couple, it's hard to unwind that and start thinking about just yourself in the singular again. If you're the sentimental type like me, you see your ex everywhere; from certain items in the house, to restaurants you've eaten at. Even driving down streets that have a particular shared memory or experience can be difficult.
This was my first serious relationship so all these thoughts and emotions are brand new to me, and I'm still learning how to process them, and ultimately make peace with and accept it. But I think I'll be ok. The first few weeks were debilitating. The sadness and depression has somewhat given way to a kind of numbness and a tacit acceptance. I at least can think back on things without crying at this point. But I will be glad when a day can go by without me thinking about her, us, and everything that happened. I imagine that's going to take a while longer though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhipperSnapper 88
I can't stop dreaming about my ex....
We broke up.at the start of January. Im.doing a lot better with it now but I had a real hard time with it for awhile. You can read more about that here for some background
There's light at the end of the tunnel.... I've accepted the split and I'm moving on..... yet I still DREAM about her nearly every night in some form or another, which I really don't prefer. Sleep WAS a refuge; an unconscious state that protected me from feeling the pain of the breakup where i could get away from the ghosts of a dead relationship. Not any more.
Have any of you had similar experiences?
I posted here before. Glad to hear you're moving on & as they say, time heals all wounds. I've never dreamt about my past ex before...even the first night we broke up & we were together for about 4 - 4.5 yrs, but we never lived together. But he was like my first REAL BF. We broke up mutually. It was probably the most mellow break-up anyone would ever know.
We broke up.at the start of January. Im.doing a lot better with it now but I had a real hard time with it for awhile. You can read more about that here for some background
There's light at the end of the tunnel.... I've accepted the split and I'm moving on..... yet I still DREAM about her nearly every night in some form or another, which I really don't prefer. Sleep WAS a refuge; an unconscious state that protected me from feeling the pain of the breakup where i could get away from the ghosts of a dead relationship. Not any more.
Have any of you had similar experiences?
I'd say that's pretty normal, you were together a long time so unfortunately this is just part of the healing process. You haven't been broken up that long so it's normal for you to dream of her often, but with time that will dwindle....as others have said we all dream of a distant ex from time to time and eventually it will be that way for you.
Have as much sex as possible? Are you kidding me? Why would you advise him to use other people for sex just for his own gratification? Maybe that's your way of "getting past" but it's not healing at all. That's nuts.
Disagree. Having sex with people doesn't mean they're being "used" both are consenting adults.
And, OP, this can help. Especially with the dreams.
I know from experience. When Mr. Heartbreak ended it with me his business partner, who had always expressed interest and who I actually met first, swooped in. He was right there. We became very close.
At night I would fall into dreamless sleep in his arms. There was nothing dishonest, he knew what was going on. I am still grateful to him and remember him far more fondly than I do Mr. H.
WhipperSnapper, if you have someone in your life like this or maybe meet, although it's better to already know the person, seek solace there.
Be up front "I'm hurting and I need a friend"-- if there is someone out there that cares about you let them help you. It really is healing.
That's hard rn because she's not out of my house yet. Once she's gone I think that might be a good strategy for awhile, but she also has a child that I've basically raised as my own that we both still want me to have a relationship with.
Also, I just don't want to cut ties with her permanently. We've had a lot of problems, but she's basically my best friend and right now I can't imagine not having her in my life in some way.
Your best friend is using you. I would bet that once she has her own place, she will drop you like a hot potato.
Do you have anyone you can stay with until she's out? And if it were me, I'd give her a deadline that she has to be out by.
Disagree. Having sex with people doesn't mean they're being "used" both are consenting adults.
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Agreed, sex between two consenting adults is not “using” someone. But lots of posters on this forum think sexual relationships are the work of the devil lol
Disagree. Having sex with people doesn't mean they're being "used" both are consenting adults.
And, OP, this can help. Especially with the dreams.
I know from experience. When Mr. Heartbreak ended it with me his business partner, who had always expressed interest and who I actually met first, swooped in. He was right there. We became very close.
At night I would fall into dreamless sleep in his arms. There was nothing dishonest, he knew what was going on. I am still grateful to him and remember him far more fondly than I do Mr. H.
WhipperSnapper, if you have someone in your life like this or maybe meet, although it's better to already know the person, seek solace there.
Be up front "I'm hurting and I need a friend"-- if there is someone out there that cares about you let them help you. It really is healing.
Your ex has moved on, you should too.
I'm standing my ground on this one. Any time two people engage in sex it is very emotional and someone always gets hurt in a FWB situation. I personally do not agree with them for many, many reasons. Not to say I haven't done it, I have. I don't advise other people to get into unhealthy situations. Just my oppinion.
It will probably be better when she is out of the house and you aren't having to see her and talk to her. She's the last person you should be trying to get emotional support from.
And consider.... she's been cheating on you. You should be glad she's leaving. If you can I would suggest going to a motel or a friend's house or relative's house until she is moved out. Then....change the locks. It is unfortunate if you are also attached to the child, but I suggest that you tell her you need a clean break. Don't be the available babysitter so she and her new man can go off to do childfree things.
Give yourself some time to grieve the relationship without any contact from her. Be glad you weren't married and having to deal with lawyers and all that entails.
You don't know for sure that she was cheating. She could have developed feelings and instead of cheating, she decided to be truthful and move out. That's not cheating.
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