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I feel like this doesn't happen often as none of my friends have ever asked me to do this, but how do you feel about if you were just dating someone and they ask you to let them have the dog stay at your place so that they can spend more time with you?
I understand that the dog needs attention in particular more than your "typical dog", but something feels so off about this request for me. Even the guy himself felt a bit concerned about the request :/
I've dated the guy twice, and the dates went well, but they were also all in his area. We live about 1 hr driving distance from each other.
I'm thinking this person doesn't mean you keep the dog, but wants to bring the dog with so this guy can be with you longer. If he's an hour away, and doesn't have a doggie door, one hour is a long time to drive back to provide a relief break for the dog. If that's the case, I wouldn't see any problem with it, but I am a "dog person."
It could also mean he is very much a dog person, and it is a test to gauge your potential as a serious commitment. Love me, love my dog is my motto.
He does want to bring the dog with him when he comes and visits. If we are out at a restaurant, the dog would be at my place. The implication is that once he goes home, the dog would come with him. He isn't implying to move his dog and him in with me, but it does feel rude.
I'm not opposed to pets, but I'm not crazy about them either. I live by myself, and the potential expenses, cleaning up after it, and shortening of life of refrigerator due to pet hair (I don't know how to properly clean the bottom of a refrigerator), and I have a hard time keeping up with myself but I do okay, are all things I think about.
He doesn't seem to initiate. It feels like I can let him initiate and just keep him as an okay friend and move on is what it is feeling like now. I have enjoyed my time with him, but this feels like too much for me and not proper.
In that case, he is not the guy for you. No harm no foul, just move on.
I'm not opposed to pets, but I'm not crazy about them either. I live by myself, and the potential expenses, cleaning up after it, and shortening of life of refrigerator due to pet hair (I don't know how to properly clean the bottom of a refrigerator), and I have a hard time keeping up with myself but I do okay, are all things I think about.
This is oddly specific and not one I've heard of before and would never cross my mind! You definitely are not a pet person.
If you are dating someone with a pet, yes you are going to need to meet this dog at some point and let this dog get comfortable with you, but doing this after just two dates seemed a little rushed. But leaving your dog with your new girlfriend while you go on vacation solves some problems for this guy.
This guy sounds kind of nervy/manipulative.
I think I would take a pass on him and his dog.
Since his family lives near him, it is likely someone in the family is taking care of the dog. I can understand not wanting to burden one's dog with their family unless they just love it that much because then it's like is it really your dog.
It seems that I have friends who have dated other people with dogs and they don't make it an issue like this. They just deal with it on their own.
I agree it is too rushed, and he's "not pulling his weight off" enough in other ways either.
I would totally say yes to this, assuming the dog could be crated or gated into a small area and the owner agreed to pay for any damages the dog may cause (due to anxiety---i've seen dogs with anxiety chew through doors). It wouldn't be good if the dog chewed up the sofa or something like that.
To me the fact that this is a new relationship is irrelevant. The fact that I really like dogs is relevant.
And I would try to plan dog friendly dates, like walking, going to the dog park, restaurants that allow dogs, etc.
Great points. It also feels like the dog's owner should be proposing these things to me. The fact that I have to consider this is a bad sign.
I can tell the dog would not be crated and probably not gated. I don't have a good space for a bigger size dog to be gated.
He does want to bring the dog with him when he comes and visits. If we are out at a restaurant, the dog would be at my place. The implication is that once he goes home, the dog would come with him. He isn't implying to move his dog and him in with me, but it does feel rude.
I'm not opposed to pets, but I'm not crazy about them either. I live by myself, and the potential expenses, cleaning up after it, and shortening of life of refrigerator due to pet hair (I don't know how to properly clean the bottom of a refrigerator), and I have a hard time keeping up with myself but I do okay, are all things I think about.
He doesn't seem to initiate. It feels like I can let him initiate and just keep him as an okay friend and move on is what it is feeling like now. I have enjoyed my time with him, but this feels like too much for me and not proper.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chessimprov
This thread has been very helpful to hear different opinions and discuss.
Thank you all for your help.
He is not in a situation currently that is going to work for me romantically. He seems like he's going to be an okay friend (responds to be within a reasonable time, but never initiates. if he initiated sometimes, "okay" status would probably change).
I think you are making the right decision. Those two (dog and owner) are not for you. Or any pet.
If you were a real animal lover, you would have offered to him to bring the dog and just order in or go for hikes/walks/restaurants with outdoor seating, etc.
Many men I dated had dogs and no one other taking care of them and they never had to ask - I always told them to bring the dog and vice versa. Because I know it is a package deal anyway. Might as well check out the dog at the same time as the owner and see how he treats the dog and if I like the dog.
I only had one time where I brought my dog and walk into the guy's house and he told me where exactly the dog is allowed to sit and raised an eyebrow when she did not sit at that spot. I got up and left. Byeeeeeeee
Well, their dates have been very long, the drive is long and they plan overnight dates ...
And if he is gone all day at work and then he is gone all evening and night - I get his concern. OP doesn't seem to be a dog lover. I always encourage my dates to bring their dogs. If we work out, the dog will be part of my life then anyway.
My EX and I shared custody of Essie for a year. She didn't like riding in the car so I put a stop to that, but he can come see her any time he wants to. And he does. Brings her treats and stuff. He has a dog and a cat and all the chickens. They are all part of something. Hard to let go of family.
My EX and I shared custody of Essie for a year. She didn't like riding in the car so I put a stop to that, but he can come see her any time he wants to. And he does. Brings her treats and stuff. He has a dog and a cat and all the chickens. They are all part of something. Hard to let go of family.
How mature of you two to handle it in the best interest of the dog and put your ego aside!!
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