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If it helps, my second pregnancy was pretty much the same. I never told my husband. I doubt he would even care now after thirty years.
Don't obsess over it. It's all water under the bridge!
It's healthy to have a few female secrets. Keeps husbands on their toes!
Edit - if you tell him, wait until your kids are older. The next decade with a 20, 17 and 13 year old will be challenging. Teenagers are awful and college bills are frighting. Afterwards, I doubt this secret will change his opinion on any of his kids.
The issue is that it is eating at you and bothering you. I'd make an appointment with a therapist (someone to talk to about this) for your own well being a mental health. A therapist could help you weigh if it's something you talk to DH about or not and if so how to best go about that.
But I don't hide anything from my spouse. We just haven't gotten around to talking about everything!
Ask yourself, would he want to know? If not, don't go out of your way to tell him.
The problem is that if he is going around talking about a "miracle" baby, you are continuing to lie to him, not just a one time lie 20 years ago. If you have a good relationship, it should not be a major problem. But definitely don't tell him without giving a lot of thought to his reactions, not just yours.
I can give you a male viewpoint. I would not only never trust you again, I would believe the entire 20 plus years together was a lie, but moreover I would lose my faith in myself and my judgement with the realization that most of life now was a lie. I would also get DNA tests on all the children, because now that the true nature of your lack of character was revealed, even their paternity would rightfully be called into question and I would want to know.
Wow, an entire marriage predicated upon a lie, O.P. you are one piece of work. Despicable. I truly feel sorry for your husband and everyone in your life. The only logical move you have left is to continue the charade that is your marriage and life but good gosh, how you look yourself in the mirror is beyond me.
You were right to worry about the two of you breaking up because if e knew what a deceitful b* you are he likely would have kicked you to the curb.
And now you know a male point of view - your move.
I can give you a male viewpoint. I would not only never trust you again, I would believe the entire 20 plus years together was a lie, but moreover I would lose my faith in myself and my judgement with the realization that most of life now was a lie. I would also get DNA tests on all the children, because now that the true nature of your lack of character was revealed, even their paternity would rightfully be called into question and I would want to know.
Wow, an entire marriage predicated upon a lie, O.P. you are one piece of work. Despicable. I truly feel sorry for your husband and everyone in your life. The only logical move you have left is to continue the charade that is your marriage and life but good gosh, how you look yourself in the mirror is beyond me.
You were right to worry about the two of you breaking up because if e knew what a deceitful b* you are he likely would have kicked you to the curb.
And now you know a male point of view - your move.
Well that was delightful.
I agree you should take this to your grave, OP. My mother took some secrets to her grave and that was her prerogative. To tell the truth, most or at least many people take at least one big secret to their grave.
I can give you a male viewpoint. I would not only never trust you again, I would believe the entire 20 plus years together was a lie, but moreover I would lose my faith in myself and my judgement with the realization that most of life now was a lie. I would also get DNA tests on all the children, because now that the true nature of your lack of character was revealed, even their paternity would rightfully be called into question and I would want to know.
Wow, an entire marriage predicated upon a lie, O.P. you are one piece of work. Despicable. I truly feel sorry for your husband and everyone in your life. The only logical move you have left is to continue the charade that is your marriage and life but good gosh, how you look yourself in the mirror is beyond me.
You were right to worry about the two of you breaking up because if e knew what a deceitful b* you are he likely would have kicked you to the curb.
And now you know a male point of view - your move.
Too harsh!
The OP explained that it wasn’t made out of malice: she thought the relationship may not last and she ONLY wanted a child with ONLY this one man.
Imagine that? ONLY ONE MAN - in the whole world!
Could we really blame her? Luckily, things worked out.
Don’t forget - you are judging a 24 y.o - unsure in herself and her relationship young woman.
Perhaps you are judging from a younger male point of view? Unmarried?
Life isn’t perfect, people are not perfect.
20 years and 2 additional kids later I would say it is time ”to forever hold your peace”.
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