Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
There is nothing good that will come from telling, he could demand DNA tests as the guy wrote.
I'm the product of cheating. Back in the 60's, there was no DNA test. My father said I resembled him so they kept me. Th guy wanted to take custody of me.
I had it rough growing up with two parents who had some secret thing against me. I got close with my dad by working with him but there was still something I couldn't put my finger on; there were times when he wasn't so nice to me.
I was 40, y dad was dying of cancer when it came out. He refused the paternity test, he didn't need it he said. Eventually he got tired of my crying, they came 2 hours before he died. He never knew the truth, that I am his kid.
My two siblings stopped speaking to me, no love lost, they weren't nice to me growing up. Also haven't spoken to my mother in 17 years because her daughters told her not to. Every day I live with my dad not knowing the truth. It torments me.
If you tell, your oldest could end up like me. Your hub may start having an attitude with them. You will also crush your oldest if they find out. It could also affect what the other two kids do if this blows up in your face. It is not worth it.
Your husband could have divorced you after you had the first one; instead you ended up with two more kids. Leave it be.
Wow.... the lengths some people will go for their own delusions and selfish desires. Op basically trapped this man so she could get her happy ending. That's really lame.
Wow.... the lengths some people will go for their own delusions and selfish desires. Op basically trapped this man so she could get her happy ending. That's really lame.
Did you read the thread? If you can't bother reading the thread, at least read every post the OP made. It's not that time-consuming.
Happily married woman but sometimes this secret is killing me. I'm 44 and he's 45. We have 3 kids and they're respectively ages 20, 17 and 13. While the younger ones were planned, the first one wasn't. He still believes protection was used. He blindly trusted I was taking my pills but I flushed them in the toilet. That's the only lie I've ever told and sometimes it's eating me up. There should be no lies nor secrets and yet that's my only secret. It's been exactly 20 years later. I gave birth to our son when I was 24.
He and everyone still believe our son is a gift from God, a miracle baby. I acted shocked and sad (I was actually happy it worked) at the time when a doctor told us I was pregnant. I never took a pregnancy test at home nor brought him the news with a smile or otherwise that would've been suspicious. I kept quiet about it until it was obvious and went with him to a doctor. He reassured me we would have the baby. That's the reason things got speed up, we settled down and have been a family since. We don't have any issues. The only thing is my own guilt. At the time I was worried about a possible break-up the longer I stay as a gf in the relationship, having to start all over in the dating world, worried about things going nowhere, him taking too long, etc. We're each others' first and only wanted kids with him, grow old with him, be with him till death do us apart.
I've been battling two feelings. While I'm happy for the life we've built together over the years, there is nothing missing and no issues, some days I still feel terrible over what I did. That was indeed selfish and it caused a life altering event. I caused it. Would you want to know this 20 years later or is this something worth taking it to the grave?
It was a really lousy thing you did to your husband twenty years ago and you should feel bad about it. Lying about being on birth control, in my humble opinion, is nearly as bad as sexual assault.
That being said, what's done is done. Don't tell anyone, especially your husband, if you want to continue to have a good life.
I think what the OP is experiencing is something our society seems to have engrained into people's minds, that there is something 'noble' and 'healing' about coming clean about past transgressions. Regardless of how long ago it was.
This makes people think that it is an 'honorable' thing to do to come clean to our loved ones. Maybe some of it has been influenced by various TV programs where partners make admissions about their past. Doesn't mean it's the right thing to do in every situation.
Anyways, as many have stated, it serves absolutely zero purpose for the OP to come clean about this. It's really all about her and satisfying her self interests and nothing about solidfying the relationship.
I think what the OP is experiencing is something our society seems to have engrained into people's minds, that there is something 'noble' and 'healing' about coming clean about past transgressions. Regardless of how long ago it was.
This makes people think that it is an 'honorable' thing to do to come clean to our loved ones. Maybe some of it has been influenced by various TV programs where partners make admissions about their past. Doesn't mean it's the right thing to do in every situation.
Anyways, as many have stated, it serves absolutely zero purpose for the OP to come clean about this. It's really all about her and satisfying her self interests and nothing about solidfying the relationship.
Yep.
And there is a statute of limitations on most things.
Whatever it is for this, I think she's gone past it
You're happily married to the father of your three children. It's been 20 years. Had your child had been by another man, I'd be concerned - but thats not the case here. And so what if protection wasn't used when you conceived your oldest? You have three wonderful children, be proud of it!
I'd just shake it off and move on. Nobody needs to know!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
