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I am from Generation X and graduated HS in 1987. I remember the 1980s teen scene and socializing at the mall, arcades, and HS events. There were no mobile smart phones like today except for the ridiculously large cellular phone as shown in the "Fixx" video "Are we ourselves?" - lol.
In modern times, I am an engineer with multiple graduate degrees and now working on a PhD related to AI. I work remotely as a software engineer and have a long career in testing web apps, mobile apps, databases, data warehouses, cloud computing systems, etc. In the old days of the 1990s, I learned to code fortran, pascal, and C/C++. Over the years, I learned Java, .Net, python, Matlab, Julia, Swift, JS, SQL, etc.
The point is that I am fully aware of the dating apps out there. From the perspective of data science, dating apps present very low odds of success for much of the young male adult population. The statistical odds of getting a "match" are very poor for most young men. It is relatively "easier" for young women to match but the data shows that in the long-run those relationships often don't work out either. So, dating apps are often disappointing all-around. For older adults in their 50s, I think dating apps with a focus on that older age group could "work" depending on the context. If a guy in his 50s wants to date a woman in her 50s, then a dating app for "50 or older" may be pragmatic.
I know Generation X has that dual exposure to the world of dating that had existed prior to the internet and the early evolution of dating web sites. A good joking scene is Mike Damone's 5-point plan to meet women back around 1982. Generation X was aware of "red pill" moments long before it became a catch phrase in modern times like with the classic ending to "The Last American Virgin" when the protagonist of the film, Gary, got rejected by his dream girl who chose the "bad boy" character.
By the late 1990s, I knew guys from Generation X who were already using dating sites like match.com and met women that way - even in Boulder, CO which was notorious for poor dating options among the crowd of mid 20s to mid 30s at the time. Then other websites evolved that are specific for political affiliation, religion, ethnicity, etc. I worked with many guys who knew how to code websites as soon as the internet evolved. Generation X has been very active on dating apps for a long time now. I suspect a lot of them had extramarital affairs that way - lol.
Realistically, I think it depends on the target market of the 50+ individual. If they want to meet someone specifically their age, they could try the apps specific to that age range. Other opportunities can be found on social media like Facebook, LinkedIn, Discord, etc. via the various groups interacting out there.
For me, I never got married or had kids. I have been obsessed with research while working full-time for much of my life and have only dated sporadically. My most active period was in Florida when I met multiple southern belles at the gym from FSU. In the early days of Facebook, there was a video that went viral of these four FSU women at a football game when Brent Musburger pointed them out. There were many women like that in the local gyms. One time four drunk college women celebrating spring break tried to jump into my truck. I just drove off.
In modern times, I feel like a guy out-of-place in Tempe as an old Generation X who is moderately conservative. Here in Tempe, AZ the young adults are often very far left and "woke" to the extreme. It's very easy for moderates from Generation X to get villified. There was a video that went viral when Senator Sinema got verbally assaulted by young adults of ASU because of her moderate political stance in the Senate. It was bad.
So, as a "moderate" of Generation X I just stay under the radar and go about my research and courses in a neutral, non-confrontational way. I walk around campus and imagine that HR has a drone over me watching every move such that I must be professional and courteous to all those young adults around me. I developed that perspective of being neutral and nonchalant to avoid complications with young students while closing out my PhD.
In the midst of that, I have no time for dating. As an old Generation X guy, I am fully aware that many marriages fail and that it's important to approach dating and marriage with realism. The young adults are often very woke and non-religious with a lifestyle that is pansexual, bisexual, etc. The promiscuity can get extreme in Tempe. Think of someone like Miley Cyrus going out-of-control. I think today's young adults would more likely match better with someone from their age group who has similar lifestyles.
So, where does that lead Generation X? I think if the goal of having children is absent, then a 50+ dater should date someone closer in age. The question is whether if they can handle a relationship with someone who may be divorced with children? Blended families are not easy.
In my case, I do eventually want to marry and have children. I don't fit in at all with Generation Z. Engineers have a concept called optimization where if you want to maximize the success of a function F with restrictions X, Y, and Z, then there must exist an optimal solution. I know that women of Generation X can't generally have children anymore. Even though I have more in common with them and still find many of them beautiful, the logistics of having children with them are unrealistic. So, the next age group down would be the older millenials who are of about very late 20s to mid 30s or so. I think I may be able to match with some of them. I would think it's best to meet them in person like an alumni network or running event. I would not use a dating app. But it seems very possible to meet someone from a FB group for a running event.
But right now I don't even care. I am hyperfocused on my full-time job and finishing up the PhD. There is something about being old that makes me aware that in terms of relationships it's "all or none" in terms of commitment. A half-hearted guy focused on a demanding job and a dissertation would just fall flat-on-his-face if trying to date -lol.
So, I just stay neutral and out of the dating world. I walk around the campus with the nonchalant neutrality and think of the opening song to "Welcome Back Kotter" while traversing the crowd. Either that or I imagine it's 1980 again when my first exposure to the campus was with all the wonderful books that I discovered. This led to my zeal for research. So, I often listen to music from 1980 like Donna Summer's "On the Radio" in "Foxes" with Scott Baio and Jodie Foster or KC and his last hit of that year. It's almost like I'm a kid again and view those "woke" dating scenarios in Tempe as "something those grown-ups do" while I just focus on research.
One warning I can give from an old Generation X perspective is that dating "success" for many adults often becomes a pyrrhic victory of marriage that fails badly years later. You can listen to many such horror stories on YouTube with "Tony's Cheating Stories", "They Did What" or "Find Your Alpha". They scare me from dating to be honest. It's like the dissertation is a good excuse to postpone marriage - lol. I am 54 and still "don't want to rush into it". Even though I am old I still feel "room" to delay. I ran multiple half marathons over the summer and still have dark hair and reasonable health. I often get mistaken for a guy in his 30s when men of that age group call me "bro" sometimes. I still have time to delay marriage for the short-term.
Last edited by grad_student200; 10-28-2023 at 02:46 AM..
Boy did I ever! He did contact me again and we made tentative plans to meet on Sunday. Then he asked me for full length picture and the alarm bells went off. I told him frankly that I'm 20lbs overweight and just now starting to get back into shape. He asked what I was doing to lose weight, then criticised my methods. He sounded just like my ex, and that is what I told him when I cancelled our date.
A piece of advice. Only give someone a second chance if they had an extremely valid reason like death/hospital/aliens to cancel the first date. And even then they need to be bending backwards to apologize to having wasted your time that you could have spent with someone worth your time.
I can tell you from my own experience, if you do not follow this rule, you will keep getting aholes. Double up this rule if someone ghosted you. No matter if it was the first date or after 3 months.
NEVER give anyone a second chance who just disappeared. It is a sign of weak (bad) character and he will do it again FOR SURE. Just the second time it will be worse because you invested more time/effort/emotions.
I think it depends on whether you are a man or a woman.
For men it may be easier. Just depends on how well you have taken care of yourself and your finances. I know a 50-something single guy and he lives like he is 28. No serious woman would visit his home more than once. Still, he dates a fair number of 35 year-olds.
My single stepdaughter is 50-something. It's tough! The men she would be interested in are not responding at all. And, after all, she would only be looking at well established men about her age or older. Her married girlfriends have told her, they do not envy her. There is just not much to pick from. By 55, the good-looking kids from her high school class have ruined themselves in a myriad of ways.
FWIW, my stepdaughter is well established, owns her home, child is raised and gone, will be eligible for retirement next year... and still; nothing.
I think it depends on whether you are a man or a woman.
For men it may be easier. Just depends on how well you have taken care of yourself and your finances. I know a 50-something single guy and he lives like he is 28. No serious woman would visit his home more than once. Still, he dates a fair number of 35 year-olds.
My single stepdaughter is 50-something. It's tough! The men she would be interested in are not responding at all. And, after all, she would only be looking at well established men about her age or older. Her married girlfriends have told her, they do not envy her. There is just not much to pick from. By 55, the good-looking kids from her high school class have ruined themselves in a myriad of ways.
FWIW, my stepdaughter is well established, owns her home, child is raised and gone, will be eligible for retirement next year... and still; nothing.
I know 60-something guys that live like they are 19 and proud of it. What's funny about that is they are starting to get health problems and the young women they used to date aren't interested anymore. Now they want older established nurse/purse ladies or even just nurse, and these women don't want a man child.
I think it depends on whether you are a man or a woman.
For men it may be easier. Just depends on how well you have taken care of yourself and your finances. I know a 50-something single guy and he lives like he is 28. No serious woman would visit his home more than once. Still, he dates a fair number of 35 year-olds.
My single stepdaughter is 50-something. It's tough! The men she would be interested in are not responding at all. And, after all, she would only be looking at well established men about her age or older. Her married girlfriends have told her, they do not envy her. There is just not much to pick from. By 55, the good-looking kids from her high school class have ruined themselves in a myriad of ways.
FWIW, my stepdaughter is well established, owns her home, child is raised and gone, will be eligible for retirement next year... and still; nothing.
Referring to the bolded part, what are a couple of examples these men have ruined themselves?
Boy did I ever! He did contact me again and we made tentative plans to meet on Sunday. Then he asked me for full length picture and the alarm bells went off. I told him frankly that I'm 20lbs overweight and just now starting to get back into shape. He asked what I was doing to lose weight, then criticised my methods. He sounded just like my ex, and that is what I told him when I cancelled our date.
Would it be better for a woman to say she has a little extra padding rather than sayin she is 20lbs overweight? If a woman tells a man she's 20lbs overweight, does the typical man assume she's really 40lbs overweight?
Referring to the bolded part, what are a couple of examples these men have ruined themselves?
By their 50s?
Greatly overweight, excessive drinking, smoking, poor work habits, failure to grow emotionally, and of course the more obvious ways of criminal history and drug usage.
Your 40th high school reunion will tell the tale.
But those problem are not limited to men. Women ruin themselves, too.
Referring to the bolded part, what are a couple of examples these men have ruined themselves?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Listener2307
By their 50s?
Greatly overweight, excessive drinking, smoking, poor work habits, failure to grow emotionally, and of course the more obvious ways of criminal history and drug usage.
Your 40th high school reunion will tell the tale.
But those problem are not limited to men. Women ruin themselves, too.
Most of those can be changed. It's possible a criminal history can be expunged.
I don't know whether a person can grow emotionally if he has failed at that for so long.
Most of those can be changed. It's possible a criminal history can be expunged.
I don't know whether a person can grow emotionally if he has failed at that for so long.
If the guy is a 50+ year old "bro", he hasn't matured since high school. Lack of emotional growth is one of the saddest and most pathetic things I've seen. People tend to emphasize looks or material success, when most marriages end due to emotional issues.
Would it be better for a woman to say she has a little extra padding rather than sayin she is 20lbs overweight? If a woman tells a man she's 20lbs overweight, does the typical man assume she's really 40lbs overweight?
I would just send a full length picture and let him figure it out. If he doesn't like what he sees then there is no sense wasting time.
I'm 58 and married and if my husband ran off with a hot chick tomorrow (he wouldn't) and I found myself dating again, I don't know how I would approach it. One thing I wouldn't do is try to make myself sound like I'm something I'm not.
Am I heavier now than I was when I was 20 and single? You bet. Do I eat the same way that I did when I was 25? Nope, I've got to watch the carbs now. Do I still drink alcohol - yep, but once or twice a week at most.
In my younger dating days, I went for pure physical attraction. Now, I think that I would be looking for a nice guy, a gentleman, someone who has traditional values and enjoys doing fun things. I looked for that when I was younger, too, but those qualities were secondary to physical attraction. Now I'd say those things are flipped in importance.
I'd rather date one decent, nice guy who has his priorities straight and knows how to have fun.
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