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Most people know that they are not being scammed because I verify my profiles on the apps that allow so, and I'm open to doing video chat with anyone I speak to and even meeting them in a public place sooner in-person, in the flesh. I think in my lifetime, 1-3 people said they thought I was trying to scam them and my response was a video chat offering. They didn't accept and just blocked, lol.
Mink57, your words ring completely true though- a complete winner of a post.
I should be grateful to know who they are sooner. It gets weird when social media randomly feeds me their profile or if the act is egregious to me enough emotionally, and if they have enough information about themselves, I actively seek out to block their respective profiles on all social media too.
An offer to video chat is not proof of not being a scammer. Can in fact be the opposite. I know a few young people who got scammed when they were persuaded to be on video doing compromising acts, thinking they were talking to some cutie of the opposite sex who was into them (and who was also doing stuff)...yeah, turned out it was actually a scammer who then blackmailed them with the video, threatening to send it to their family and friends after seeking them out on Facebook.
One victim of this, was a high schooler, under 18, and when he told me about it after trying to cope for weeks, he said he was actually suicidal about it.
So yeah, they might think that you are a scammer.
And no one has to say, "I think you are a scammer" for that to have been exactly what they suspected.
An offer to video chat is not proof of not being a scammer. Can in fact be the opposite. I know a few young people who got scammed when they were persuaded to be on video doing compromising acts, thinking they were talking to some cutie of the opposite sex who was into them (and who was also doing stuff)...yeah, turned out it was actually a scammer who then blackmailed them with the video, threatening to send it to their family and friends after seeking them out on Facebook.
One victim of this, was a high schooler, under 18, and when he told me about it after trying to cope for weeks, he said he was actually suicidal about it.
So yeah, they might think that you are a scammer.
And no one has to say, "I think you are a scammer" for that to have been exactly what they suspected.
That is a different context, and I am not under 18.
Maybe those in the example are also not under 18.
What I mean by a "scammer" is someone who is much different than what their pictures are of them online.
The community I am in is too small. Most people recognize me even if we've never met. I stick out.
Welcome to the world of online dating. Here's a hint for you. Unless you just "like" setting yourself up for rejection, always post several good pictures of yourself. That way, if anyone is not interested, they probably will just not reply. If they ask for more pictures, and you already have plenty of them posted, then they are shallow jerks and you probably dodged a great big shiny bullet if you just don't send any and block them. Another thing to remember also is that a person may not be interested for a number of reasons, none of which have anything to do with your looks/pictures. When I was on dating sites, if I saw an avid interest in something I don't like at all, I would not pursue a conversation. If they had 6 kids and they are all grown but living at home, I would not show interest. If they are online all night long, I would not show interest. Smokers, etc. There are many reasons why someone would not be interested in reading a person's profile. Different people have their own filters for dating profiles. And yes, those types do the same thing to everyone. It's not really rude, but what else are they to do? I always said "Thank you so much for your interest and for reading my profile. I have looked at yours as well and I don't really see any common interests. Good luck in your search." That's about all you can do and some will be offended, I never was. If anyone kept asking for pictures I would just not reply to them and delete the match and the conversation. It's not rude, it's standard practice in maneuvering around in a dating site, weeding out the ones you know aren't going to become anything. Just have to put on another coat of skin and grin and bear it.
Welcome to the world of online dating. Here's a hint for you. Unless you just "like" setting yourself up for rejection, always post several good pictures of yourself. That way, if anyone is not interested, they probably will just not reply. If they ask for more pictures, and you already have plenty of them posted, then they are shallow jerks and you probably dodged a great big shiny bullet if you just don't send any and block them. Another thing to remember also is that a person may not be interested for a number of reasons, none of which have anything to do with your looks/pictures. When I was on dating sites, if I saw an avid interest in something I don't like at all, I would not pursue a conversation. If they had 6 kids and they are all grown but living at home, I would not show interest. If they are online all night long, I would not show interest. Smokers, etc. There are many reasons why someone would not be interested in reading a person's profile. Different people have their own filters for dating profiles. And yes, those types do the same thing to everyone. It's not really rude, but what else are they to do? I always said "Thank you so much for your interest and for reading my profile. I have looked at yours as well and I don't really see any common interests. Good luck in your search." That's about all you can do and some will be offended, I never was. If anyone kept asking for pictures I would just not reply to them and delete the match and the conversation. It's not rude, it's standard practice in maneuvering around in a dating site, weeding out the ones you know aren't going to become anything. Just have to put on another coat of skin and grin and bear it.
None of what you say is rude and totally acceptable behavior on the app.
None of that is what happened except possibly me saying at the end "Thank you for the chat" or something like that.
The example I'm talking about is more nuanced than those things you say.
They engaged in conversation that acted online like they were very interested and created that entire space, context, and vibe, and then they made a complete 180 immediately afterward. If someone kept asking for pictures ( and didn't want to meet), I would block them too. Usually, most just ask once.
You do have a point in welcome to the world of online dating.
As Mink mentioned earlier, I need to adjust my perception more. I just need to immediately block these people out of my life if they are that openly, unnecessarily callous. Why are they wasting there time and energy along with mine if they already know 3 seconds beforehand that they are already not interested? Just being nosey and prying for info. and playing games. Just much more extreme than I was used to.
Online app, yes. They don't have name. They have a profile name.
They would ask for a name and then after I give a name, their immediate response would be not interested. THAT context is rude. Like the person already knew before they asked that question they were not interested and they have to make the extra effort to point it out. Doing that in that context is very rude particularly and unnecessarily.
Oh, ok. I thought most apps required a legitimate first name. It has been a while since I used one.
I'm not going to ask for your real first name, but it does occur to me that if it's even slightly "exotic" some racist people might decide they "don't want to deal with a foreigner" or something like that.
Regardless, someone asked a question, you answered, they decided they weren't interested. I still don't see how that's rude. Maybe they didn't know until you answered that they weren't interested. At least they told you. I wouldn't spend a whole lot of energy being annoyed at stuff like that.
Some users take it a step above in being emotionally abusive.
They purposely want to see a more private pic (appropriate in the created context) but then won't reciprocate and just reply immediately they are not interested. I know it's not the private pic that is bad because it is a particularly good feature. It is just them playing games because they are nosey. They weren't attracted to the profile pic on the surface (facial appearance, these other non-private things etc.), but they talked like they were interested for awhile at the beginning.
Pretty well what l was talking about. Not that l'm sticking up for the people you deal and as people have said, any sign of rude or obnoxiousness she'd get the chop right there anyway. But sometimes she otherwise sounded good in her profile but just might not have had a very good pic or just facial or whatever, so l really just needed a better pic first of all.
But then l'd get a better pic and see straight away l wouldn't be attracted sooo, there was no use going any further.
l'd say something like thanks for that but tbh l'm just not feeling it, and end it there. Any time it was vise versa that's all she'd say or something like sooo, good enough.
Is it becoming common place that when you show interest in someone, they might know they aren't into to you. Instead of just not responding or saying they are not interested, they might ask for something a bit personal making it sound like they are interested like a name, a pic, etc. and then they reply right away that it won't work out or that they are not interested and don't reciprocate on what they asked. Is this becoming commonplace practice?
It's really rude , and maybe even invisibly discriminatory, because I bet they don't do this kind of thing to everyone. . . .
How is it rude to tell you they aren’t interested? What should they do, lie (and waste your/their time)?
That is a different context, and I am not under 18.
Maybe those in the example are also not under 18.
What I mean by a "scammer" is someone who is much different than what their pictures are of them online.
The community I am in is too small. Most people recognize me even if we've never met. I stick out.
OK well I'm not talking about catfishing here. I'm talking about all of the fake profiles that try to scam money out of people or whatever, it's not uncommon.
I did not think you were under 18. I'm saying that one victim of this scam that I know, was under 18.
Interesting aside...I heard on a news program not long ago, that Gen Z has statistically been victims of online scams more than even the elderly now. Which is kinda wild, don't you think?
Anyways. So you're saying that your community is small and most people would at least likely recognize you even if you've never met, that is interesting. Do you recognize them? I mean, if they know who you are in real life, then there are a WHOLE lot of other possible reasons why they might ask a question or two and then nope out.
I assumed when you were talking about dating apps that this was in like a medium to large city or suburb kind of deal with people you really don't know, and they don't know you. This is different. I don't know what the reason is, why this is going on, so I'm going to stop speculating now.
It is ok for OP to say "thank you" but not the other way around.
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