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Husband talks about being part of a group years ago that blew up because one of the guys in the group was having an affair with the hostess of the house where they got together to play the game and another one of the guys found out and told the husband and...ka-blooie! Poor husband had put together a whole adventure and was so looking forward to running it for his buddies and it all just came apart at the seams. Humans and drama, huh? If it ain't one thing, it's another.
I had a better experience with a social club where they'd have monthly game nights. They had one room with a D&D campaign (or one of the other very similar game systems) and anyone could pop in or pop out of it because the guy running the game was smart and experienced enough to be able to bring on board a new player or adjust to the absence of one pretty easily. Then in another room they had various card and board games, a trivia game on the TV and stuff like that.
Please be aware, as I mentioned earlier, that video chat is not a guarantee that someone is legit, there are actually scammers specifically using that. I doubt if you've let any of them persuade you to "show off the goods" as it were in that way...but don't. Even if they seem willing to do the same. No video or photos of your privates. You don't know this person, you shouldn't trust them.
I can't imagine, honestly, trying to date in a rural area. I have spent almost my whole life in or near medium sized to large cities. I do prefer a smaller city, but the brief time I was out in the country was absolute hell for me. I really think that getting involved with social groups of some kind and getting to know people with no agenda in place makes dating more natural and fun. When I was briefly doing the online dating thing, those first dates felt about as fun as job interviews most of the time.
That's fair. Yeah, I mean some people are into OF or think it's okay to portray that kind of stuff, but I will only do that kind of stuff in-person and in-private. If someone else wants to show me, it doesn't personally bother me as long as we're both adults (I am, at least in age anyway, lol.) I have had a few people try to coax me and say "it's alright", but I'm like we don't live in that kind of accepting society unfortunately, so many accidents can happen, and it's not a position I want to put myself in. If they keep trying to push me after that, then I usually just block.
The video chat for me still shows some level of seriousness and emotion because we can verify with each other if we like how the other person really looks appearance wise, even if it's just in the moment, as having pictures only can be much easier to fake. So many people are so socially anxious or they use that as a tool because they are interested in another option that popped up and don't even want to consider you as a human being and give you a chance even if you couldn't have sold yourself any better.
Social anxiety is very unattractive to me for a potential connection, even a friendship. I am and have been friends with socially anxious people, but they usually communicate enough with me that I know they need their space. If I get nothing at all, I "run" because I can't stand it. I'm too busy to be worried about something where I feel like I am no longer a human being.
People who are wiling to do a video chat also are more likely to meet in-person and maybe do an online activity or so with you. It's builds a more meaningful connection, and it takes time/thought/energy to do these things. Anything, no matter what, can be a "scam", but there are things you can do to minimize the risk acceptably.
I had another user (don't even know who, but someone truly nice apparently) told me to ignore this one you're responding to, and I thought about it and agreed.
Doesn't even know what d&d is and obviously didn't look it up.
Does he/she know the series, Stranger Things?
Probably not a nerd.
I am a nerd, and that user probably will have no helpful input for me.
I don't want to know. I have enough to deal with in my life. He/she has a right to respond, but it doesn't mean that he/she should.
I had another user (don't even know who, but someone truly nice apparently) told me to ignore this one you're responding to, and I thought about it and agreed. Doesn't even know what d&d is and obviously didn't look it up.
If you’re referring to me, I have heard of Dungeons & Dragons (years ago); however, ‘D&D’ can be shorthand or an abbreviation/acronym for all sorts of things, and it certainly didn’t come to my mind relative to a dating thread/rude tendencies.
If you’re referring to me, I have heard of Dungeons & Dragons (years ago); however, ‘D&D’ can be shorthand or an abbreviation/acronym for all sorts of things, and it certainly didn’t come to my mind relative to a dating thread/rude tendencies.
Let me try to be helpful (though god only knows why)...
As someone, you know this, who is actually involved in what I believe you are trying to refer to...no, we don't. If anyone in that context said specifically "D&D" it would only ever mean the game "Dungeons & Dragons." We use loads of acronyms and some of them are similar, but not that exact specific one. I think it's probably easier for most folks to remember that this only means a game, than to try and know the actual acronyms that kinksters use for various things since there are so many. But I promise I'm being genuine and speaking from a well informed place.
D&D, or DND as it's sometimes called...only means Dungeons & Dragons. Nothing else.
That's fair. Yeah, I mean some people are into OF or think it's okay to portray that kind of stuff, but I will only do that kind of stuff in-person and in-private. If someone else wants to show me, it doesn't personally bother me as long as we're both adults (I am, at least in age anyway, lol.) I have had a few people try to coax me and say "it's alright", but I'm like we don't live in that kind of accepting society unfortunately, so many accidents can happen, and it's not a position I want to put myself in. If they keep trying to push me after that, then I usually just block.
The video chat for me still shows some level of seriousness and emotion because we can verify with each other if we like how the other person really looks appearance wise, even if it's just in the moment, as having pictures only can be much easier to fake. So many people are so socially anxious or they use that as a tool because they are interested in another option that popped up and don't even want to consider you as a human being and give you a chance even if you couldn't have sold yourself any better.
Social anxiety is very unattractive to me for a potential connection, even a friendship. I am and have been friends with socially anxious people, but they usually communicate enough with me that I know they need their space. If I get nothing at all, I "run" because I can't stand it. I'm too busy to be worried about something where I feel like I am no longer a human being.
People who are wiling to do a video chat also are more likely to meet in-person and maybe do an online activity or so with you. It's builds a more meaningful connection, and it takes time/thought/energy to do these things. Anything, no matter what, can be a "scam", but there are things you can do to minimize the risk acceptably.
When I was doing the online dating thing back in 2015, I would only chat via the app's messenger system until we set up a face to face in person meeting. Usually I'd be trying to do that within a week or two of starting to talk, if the conversation seemed to be going well enough that I wanted to meet them at all of course.
Many asked for my phone number or tried to get me on something called "kik" (I never got on that and have no idea what it even was/is and don't care)... I refused to engage on any other platform or give any further personally identifying information, connect on other social media or give out my phone number until we met. No voice calls and no videos and if the photos on my profile weren't good enough, tough crap.
And that was not just a safety concern...it was largely that I considered chances somewhat high that the first date would reveal to me that we weren't a match and I'd be done, and I wanted it to be easy to just message them, "sorry, not feeling it...best of luck to you" and get on with my life. If it went well and I was open to a second date, then they could have my phone number.
But back then, OK Cupid did not even require that you give your real name or a real photo of yourself. I did put real pictures in there, but did not provide my last name until after the first date either. I guess they could have reverse image searched even then, but I suspect not as many folks knew about it then as they do now.
But this worked out fine for me mostly because I was in Colorado Springs, which while not as huge as the truly big cities out there, is still a serious population center. I had loads of "options" even if a majority turned out to be unacceptable. Joining in person social groups led to better results and experiences and options for me. Well, OK to be fair, a big part of not seeing a lot of good choices on dating apps was that I was immediately filtering out soldiers and stoners. And COS has five military bases (at least) and CO was one of the early states to legalize weed at that point. So... That was a lot of them.
But the urban aspect did make it much easier and lower investment to get together for coffee or something. When you're in the country, as I think you've mentioned it could be an hour long drive or more! That would be pretty tough, I would think.
When I was doing the online dating thing back in 2015, I would only chat via the app's messenger system until we set up a face to face in person meeting. Usually I'd be trying to do that within a week or two of starting to talk, if the conversation seemed to be going well enough that I wanted to meet them at all of course.
Many asked for my phone number or tried to get me on something called "kik" (I never got on that and have no idea what it even was/is and don't care)... I refused to engage on any other platform or give any further personally identifying information, connect on other social media or give out my phone number until we met. No voice calls and no videos and if the photos on my profile weren't good enough, tough crap.
And that was not just a safety concern...it was largely that I considered chances somewhat high that the first date would reveal to me that we weren't a match and I'd be done, and I wanted it to be easy to just message them, "sorry, not feeling it...best of luck to you" and get on with my life. If it went well and I was open to a second date, then they could have my phone number.
But back then, OK Cupid did not even require that you give your real name or a real photo of yourself. I did put real pictures in there, but did not provide my last name until after the first date either. I guess they could have reverse image searched even then, but I suspect not as many folks knew about it then as they do now.
But this worked out fine for me mostly because I was in Colorado Springs, which while not as huge as the truly big cities out there, is still a serious population center. I had loads of "options" even if a majority turned out to be unacceptable. Joining in person social groups led to better results and experiences and options for me. Well, OK to be fair, a big part of not seeing a lot of good choices on dating apps was that I was immediately filtering out soldiers and stoners. And COS has five military bases (at least) and CO was one of the early states to legalize weed at that point. So... That was a lot of them.
But the urban aspect did make it much easier and lower investment to get together for coffee or something. When you're in the country, as I think you've mentioned it could be an hour long drive or more! That would be pretty tough, I would think.
I am in a suburban area but the community of people near me is still small because everyone kind of still knows everyone sort of deal. Because of this and my current situation, because I can travel and do a bit regardless of everything else, and also because I'd be willing to if there was reciprocation, I try to expand my geographical options much more than I initially started out.
I'm not opposed and do go to in-person events too.
If distance is local or if me or the other person are going to be in the other's area soon, then a video call is not necessary for me. Context matters too, a lot.
Let me try to be helpful (though god only knows why)...
Mink57 was very helpful as he/she answered my question (directly), and I appreciated it; there’s no need to clarify anything at this point.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
As someone, you know this, who is actually involved in what I believe you are trying to refer to...no, we don't.
If anyone in that context said specifically "D&D" it would only ever mean the game "Dungeons & Dragons."
What am I referring to? I just wanted clarification re ‘D&D’. :-) You’re speaking to folks who are involved in Dungeons & Dragons; believe it or not, there are those of us who aren’t, including myself (and everyone I know, lol). Hence, relative to the thread, I assumed the OP was referencing some sort of dating site or group (as opposed to a game).
Mink57 was very helpful as he/she answered my question (directly), and I appreciated it; there’s no need to clarify anything at this point.
What am I referring to? I just wanted clarification re ‘D&D’. :-) You’re speaking to folks who are involved in Dungeons & Dragons; believe it or not, there are those of us who aren’t, including myself (and everyone I know, lol). Hence, relative to the thread, I assumed the OP was referencing some sort of dating site or group (as opposed to a game).
You thought it was a dating site or group?
Ah, OK. My apologies for the assumption! I mentioned, in one word, what I thought you were referring to, and the reason I assumed you were, as I said, was the plethora of slightly similar acronyms that DO refer to ~that.~ Had that been the confusion, woulda been super understandable. But I don't really want to focus on it because I don't want to take the thread all in that direction, I just hoped to clarify a point, as an aside.
Most people recognize me even if we've never met. I stick out.
why is that??
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