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I still say that fear is often displayed as anger. A man who has never had a seizure suddenly has one? That would be absolutely terrifying, and to not know why it happened adds a few extra layers of fear—- that feeling of being at the mercy of something you cannot control.
I know the OP must. be so exasperated with his behavior, but on other hand I would be scared of him having another one with no one around to help.
Is there any way at all to get him to acknowledge that it is normal for him to be scared right now? It may help him to relax a little.
The six month thing is pretty standard. My son is epileptic, and he couldn't get a license until he was 19 because we didn't have his seizures totally under control. If he has one in the future, his license will be suspended until he is 6 months seizure free. The only exception to this is if he can sense the seizures coming on in time to be able to pull off the road before it happens. I have a friend with epilepsy who can tell when it's going to happen, so he will not lose his license, but that is rare and has to be certified by a neurologist.
Having a seizure while you're driving is a potentially fatal danger to others. Your husband needs to understand this and accept and abide by the rules.
Has your son thought about getting a seizure alert service dog?
I told him I was thinking of going to my dad's house for a few weeks basically to de-stress. He basically made me feel guilty saying that I don't care about our relationship and everything he has done for me over 15 years. Said it would be bad to leave someone around the holidays esp. after what happened. Someone who cared wouldn't leave, etc. It would be mean to the cats, etc. I'm also really tied to one of our cats and I think he knows that - prob. wouldn't let me take the cat.
He said that no one leaves temporarily and that we might as well break up. And brought up other people we know that split up for good after temporarily splitting up. He said either leave for good or not. I told him that I did need to leave for a few weeks to heal myself and deal with the stress. We already had a Thanksgiving trip planned and he wants me to just wait for that instead.
My parents think it could possibly be side effects from the anti seizure meds which list irritability, anger, and mood swings as side effects. Unfortunately, we don't have a doctor yet so I can't ask anyone until Nov. 29th. I am hoping all this is just a side effect from the meds as he is not normally like this.
Yes, I work from home on the computer. But my job is tied in with his media web company so we do our taxes together and stuff. He basically handles the financial side of most things.
How you do NOT see this as an abusive relationship is truly beyond me. Get it through your skull - you ARE NOT married to him, so you can just walk away.
And next time you get involved with someone, don't tie your life to theirs unless/until you are in a legal marriage.
I still say that fear is often displayed as anger.
Yes, I agree.
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A man who has never had a seizure suddenly has one? That would be absolutely terrifying, and to not know why it happened adds a few extra layers of fear—- that feeling of being at the mercy of something you cannot control.
Also agree.
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I know the OP must. be so exasperated with his behavior, but on other hand I would be scared of him having another one with no one around to help.
Agree again.
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Is there any way at all to get him to acknowledge that it is normal for him to be scared right now? It may help him to relax a little.
And THERE'S the rub. It's not a question of him acknowledging his fear; he has to FIRST acknowledge that there's a problem. He doesn't want to do that. He's in denial. In his physically altered mind, he doesn't remember, therefore, there ISNO PROBLEM.
The OP is up against his ego. In his mind, he's the "Bull Of The Woods." NOTHING can stop him. NOTHING can keep him 'down'. He will 'reign'. He will 'conquer'.
Until he doesn't.
In his mind, if he admits there's a problem, he's no longer the Bull Of The Woods. Heaven forbid the Bull Of The Woods is injured...or sick...
It makes him weak. Weak? Him? God FORBID!
If anything, the OP would have to 'get him' to acknowledge that he has an issue in the first place. She can't force that acknowledgement out of him.
Or can she?
I mentioned before that if the OP wants to help the situation, she needs to 'get tough' with him. No more 'Ms. Nice Guy'. You either acknowledge that you have an issue, and do what you're supposed to do, in order to keep yourself healthy, or I. Am. Done.
If she TOLD him that, he'll probably squawk like a chicken, but if she stays in her resolve, it will end up being better for her...and him, in the long run.
And THERE'S the rub. It's not a question of him acknowledging his fear; he has to FIRST acknowledge that there's a problem. He doesn't want to do that. He's in denial. In his physically altered mind, he doesn't remember, therefore, there ISNO PROBLEM.
The OP is up against his ego. In his mind, he's the "Bull Of The Woods." NOTHING can stop him. NOTHING can keep him 'down'. He will 'reign'. He will 'conquer'.
Until he doesn't.
In his mind, if he admits there's a problem, he's no longer the Bull Of The Woods. Heaven forbid the Bull Of The Woods is injured...or sick...
It makes him weak. Weak? Him? God FORBID!
If anything, the OP would have to 'get him' to acknowledge that he has an issue in the first place. She can't force that acknowledgement out of him.
Or can she?
I mentioned before that if the OP wants to help the situation, she needs to 'get tough' with him. No more 'Ms. Nice Guy'. You either acknowledge that you have an issue, and do what you're supposed to do, in order to keep yourself healthy, or I. Am. Done.
If she TOLD him that, he'll probably squawk like a chicken, but if she stays in her resolve, it will end up being better for her...and him, in the long run.
Yes, you pretty much hit the nail on the head with what I am thinking. The problem is that he doesn't want to admit that he has a problem because it makes him weak in his head, not mine. Having Type 1 diabetes for years, he always feels like he was treated differently, and makes it a point to act stronger, more independent, acts as if he can completely care for himself because of this.
Unfortunately, anytime he has a problem, I have to go through tremendous stress. Like yeah - you don't remember it, but I was the one terrified when you fell backwards on the floor (orig through it was a heart attack), scared in the ER room when you had no memory, sleep deprived for a week, stressed taking dozens of phone calls and texts daily, had nightmares for a week (even one where I had a seizure and noone was there to help me), and the one who spent countless hours online trying to figure something out since the doctors spend 2 minutes with you and even walk out the room while you are talking to them. Someone has to do something and unfortunately it is me. Because I am a health hypochondriac I would like the problem diagnosed, if anything for myself because it makes me anxious.
On the other hand, if this happened to me, personally I would be terrified to be home by myself. I am a bit of a hypochondriac and even was scared of having a seizure by myself after this. I would be hurt and disappointed if someone left me alone. What if I was acting out because of the medicine and someone just left me alone? What if I had another seizure? So, it's like I am frustrated, but also feel bad at the same time and try to put myself in someone else's shoes.
Has your son thought about getting a seizure alert service dog?
No. He's a 20 year old college student whose seizures are very infrequent9and currently controlled with meds). He'd rather die than have a service dog.
Yes, you pretty much hit the nail on the head with what I am thinking. The problem is that he doesn't want to admit that he has a problem because it makes him weak in his head, not mine. Having Type 1 diabetes for years, he always feels like he was treated differently, and makes it a point to act stronger, more independent, acts as if he can completely care for himself because of this.
Unfortunately, anytime he has a problem, I have to go through tremendous stress. Like yeah - you don't remember it, but I was the one terrified when you fell backwards on the floor (orig through it was a heart attack), scared in the ER room when you had no memory, sleep deprived for a week, stressed taking dozens of phone calls and texts daily, had nightmares for a week (even one where I had a seizure and noone was there to help me), and the one who spent countless hours online trying to figure something out since the doctors spend 2 minutes with you and even walk out the room while you are talking to them. Someone has to do something and unfortunately it is me. Because I am a health hypochondriac I would like the problem diagnosed, if anything for myself because it makes me anxious.
On the other hand, if this happened to me, personally I would be terrified to be home by myself. I am a bit of a hypochondriac and even was scared of having a seizure by myself after this. I would be hurt and disappointed if someone left me alone. What if I was acting out because of the medicine and someone just left me alone? What if I had another seizure? So, it's like I am frustrated, but also feel bad at the same time and try to put myself in someone else's shoes.
OP No offense, but enough with the constant going over this drama. You have 2 choices. One: If you can't beat him join him and be under his thumb. Two: Leave!
No. He's a 20 year old college student whose seizures are very infrequent9and currently controlled with meds). He'd rather die than have a service dog.
And take the risk of taking out an innocent person if those meds ever fail while he's, say, driving his car.
I am a 40 year old female and my significant other is a 41 year old male. We are having problems after he experienced a random medical event. He had a seizure and ended up in the ER room ~2 weeks ago. After 2 days of non stop tests they could not find anything wrong and basically said he has to take anti seizure pills and not drive for 6 months or until otherwise told it is okay. We were told to simply set up an appt with another dr. Unfortunately, we can not get in until November 29th after the first doctor cancelled on this week due to a vacation.
Basically, he is super angry because he cannot drive, mad at me because I am inexperienced at driving (I never in a million years expected this to happen) and not comfortable driving long distance, and really resistant to try to figure out his medical problems. It took me 2 weeks just to get him to make a dr appt which I had to do myself.
I am also looking stuff up online for him and posting in different forums - (vitamins to take, stress relief, etc. until we get in to a dr). He said he doesn't feel he has any issues and he is healthy. Says he shouldn't have to see another doctor because the hospital couldn't find anything wrong. When I try to help him out with natural remedies until he sees the dr, he gets mad saying I am treating him differently like he has medical problems acting like he isn't healthy. When I ask if I should go live with my dad for a few months so I am not bothering him (and he can deal with his medical stuff himself) he says that it would be wrong to leave someone after a 20 year relationship, especially after a medical issue. So really I am at my wit's end on what to do. Unfortunately, all our family lives out of state so I am kind of on my own. Add in not driving, and this is miserable situation to be in.
I do not feel safe driving with someone who had 2 unexplained seizures back to back until someone finds a cause. Thus, I am trying to learn to drive after 12 years of no driving.
I am driving for the first time after 12 years. I stopped driving many years ago because I have really bad vision and bad depth perception. I have dented my car a few times and was in a major accident on the highway where my car was totalled. Because my significant other drives, I simply stopped driving and let him drive everywhere. He loves driving and we take lots of daytrips on the weekend and have moved all over the country.
I never expected this to happen, so never really thought I would have to drive. Of course, I kept up to date with my license should an emergency ever occur. I am trying to drive to help us out as it would be expensive to take Uber and Lyft around Tampa all the time. Unfortunately, we live in Tampa right now, which is a massive suburban jungle with limited walkability. We can walk a few places but it would be inconvenient with the far distance and super hot weather.
I have been having him sit in the car with me while I drive around our apartment parking lot and have even made a few small trips to stores that are less than 2 miles away i.e. Walmart. I am scared to death but trying to do this for us to help out. He does not want to take the bus or pay for pricey Lyft/Uber so this is our only option. Unfortunately, he makes more money that me so he thinks he gets to choose if we waste the money - he will just say that he isn't wasting money on Uber.
He has been extremely frustrated with me. Anytime I need to move the mirror he says just go. Anytime I ask a question he seems upset saying "come on you know what you are doing. You passed the driver's test." While I did, I haven't driven in over ten years. I am more nervous about hitting other cars or people and not necessarily concerned as much about injuring myself. Plus, he would be pissed beyond belief if I wrecked or dented his car. I just want to be safe and take it slow. I would rather him answer my questions and help me without resorting to insulting me. For example, today in the parking lot I asked if I should go or the other car and he just rolls his eyes at me and says you know what to do. I wish he would have just said right lane gets the right of way or whatever the case may be.
I want to learn to drive in safe manner and actually know what to do so I can improve my skills. Someone telling me I know what to do is not helping me or making me feel more confident. I know he is upset about driving as it is a big part of his life and it is second nature to him. Unfortunately, it is not second nature to me and he really does not understand this.
After the seizure he had a hard time being told no that he can't drive. He told me that it was a fluke and he should be able to drive again. He said me, the doctors, and everyone else is saying he is a bad driver. He was saying how can he teach me to drive and not be able to drive himself - doesn't that mean that he should be able to drive then? He even said he can drive around the parking lot because there is no chance that he can hit anyone. What should I do in this situation? I don't want to be put down everytime I try to do something - it's really just making me more anxious.
Any tips on anything I can do to get back to normal? This is stressing me out and affecting my work and daily life. We had a pretty normal relationship before this event. Unfortunately, he is the type of guy who always thinks he is right, doesn't really like other people telling him what to do, and doesn't really trust authority. He really will not be happy until he can drive again. Not sure what I can do as his only concern is the driving. I don't want my health to tank over this situation. I told him he just has to wait until the doctor approves his driving again - and that hopefully it will not be an entire 6 months.
Thanks for any suggestions.
He’s pissed because he can’t drive and he’s venting his frustration out on you, that’s all there is to it. He needs to realize, that you drive him at your pleasure and that you really don’t have to take him anywhere. Most people HATE when people, who are passengers, tell them how to drive and I know I don’t like it. I bet he would become enraged if someone did it to HIM. He MUST be able to see it from that perspective. How would he feel?
If he’s the type that can’t see it this way, I don’t know what to say.
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