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I’d like your opinion of this situation. My friend has been married over twenty years,
but she’s not very happy in the marriage.
She invited me to go out to dinner this New Year’s Eve. I was delighted to accept and
really looked forward to it, as I hate the thought of spending that holiday alone. Yesterday
she had to cancel because her husband "threw a tantrum" over it. He won’t let her go
because he doesn’t want her driving when all “the crazies” are on the road.
She can’t even go out early that evening.
She gives him so much power because if not, he threatens the silent treatment
and she can’t stand living with the animosity.
Have you ever heard of a husband dictating his wife’s social life this way?
He’s done things like this before as well.
Have you ever heard of a husband dictating his wife’s social life this way?
He’s done things like this before as well.
Sure. Many people are like that - possessive, abusive and manipulative.
But, it's between them what she is going to accept and why. She must have reasons.
Yes, my father was like that. Insecure, volatile, possessive, and controlling. Reactive and unreasonable. At best it is psychological abuse.
I tried trying to talk my mother into leaving him, but she couldn't/wouldn't. I don't know of any cure for it. I certainly would not put up with it, but not my place to judge others' reasons for staying in an abusive relationship, whether it is physical or psychological, it is still abuse.
If it were my friend, I would simply offer to help in any way I can. But only she can determine what that might be.
Restricting friendships, controlling movements, and silent treatments are classic warning signs of abuse.
The best you can do is offer her a safe space. She likely has her finances and communications tightly controlled. Stick to verbal communications when you can, get together for coffee or lunch at her regular spots and offer to pay (so that she can stash $$ away for herself). If you can, offer her shelter if/when she's ready to leave. Let her know (without judgement or pressure) that she doesn't have to stay with him or live like that.
Your friend is an adult and is capable of making her own decisions. Her husband has control over her that she gives him. He is not the problem, she is.
Why do you silly girls give this power to men over you?
We women, your grandmothers, faced the world fearlessly, why are you so afraid?
If you have any influence over your friend, encourage her to leave this guy.
Offer her to roomie with you while she looks for a place to live.
Last edited by RubyandPearl; 12-30-2023 at 09:51 PM..
In the husband’s defense, we are off the road by 6 p.m. on NYE because of “all the crazies.” This year there is a whole afternoon of pro football games to add alcoholic fuel to the fire.
We women, your grandmothers, faced the world fearlessly, why are you so afraid?
Staying with abusers is not a new phenomenon.
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