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And I don't know if it's a bad thing or not.......
Met this very nice guy on OKCupid. We've been on maybe 8 dates? And other than a few awkward hugs there's been no indication that he's interested in physical affection. Sometimes he actively places the car between us so that there is no opportunity for the awkward hug. He did send a text asking if he could hold my hand at the movies, and when we were at the movies my hand was out there to be held, but he didn't hold it. He did clutch my arm briefly in a scary moment, but that was all.
The thing is, I'm not sure if I WANT him to be more than friends. I really enjoy his company, he puts up with my introverted nature, he reads books and generally has something to talk about, like news of the day, politics (which we agree on) and he's very funny. He is in many ways exactly what I'm looking for, but I don't find him at all attractive. Plus he is a cyclist, so his weekends are consumed by very long (60 miles!) bike rides which leave him too tired to do much dating on Saturday/Sunday nights which is when dating is most convenient for me. He does not seem inclined to say "Hey, I was planning to ride this saturday but I'd rather spend the day with you..." so there's that.
So I'm not taking any initiative either. Last night we walked to dinner and I kept my hand on his side free so he could hold it if he wanted to, but I didn't grab his hand so I'm as guilty as he is of keeping us in the friend zone.
Part of my problem is that since menopause I've had no interest in sex. I've tried it a few times and had very little physical response so what's the point? Maybe he isn't interested either?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma
And I don't know if it's a bad thing or not.......
Met this very nice guy on OKCupid. We've been on maybe 8 dates? And other than a few awkward hugs there's been no indication that he's interested in physical affection. Sometimes he actively places the car between us so that there is no opportunity for the awkward hug. He did send a text asking if he could hold my hand at the movies, and when we were at the movies my hand was out there to be held, but he didn't hold it. He did clutch my arm briefly in a scary moment, but that was all.
The thing is, I'm not sure if I WANT him to be more than friends. I really enjoy his company, he puts up with my introverted nature, he reads books and generally has something to talk about, like news of the day, politics (which we agree on) and he's very funny. He is in many ways exactly what I'm looking for, but I don't find him at all attractive. Plus he is a cyclist, so his weekends are consumed by very long (60 miles!) bike rides which leave him too tired to do much dating on Saturday/Sunday nights which is when dating is most convenient for me. He does not seem inclined to say "Hey, I was planning to ride this saturday but I'd rather spend the day with you..." so there's that.
So I'm not taking any initiative either. Last night we walked to dinner and I kept my hand on his side free so he could hold it if he wanted to, but I didn't grab his hand so I'm as guilty as he is of keeping us in the friend zone.
Part of my problem is that since menopause I've had no interest in sex. I've tried it a few times and had very little physical response so what's the point? Maybe he isn't interested either?
I'm not sure what to do.
I’ll be honest, I don’t even think this is a FRIENDzone situation. It sounds like there is excessive angst in even touching each other. I’m not the most touchy feely guy myself but I have no angst about giving my FRIENDS dap or a hug when I see them. This whole situation sounds like a never ending train of awkwardness that cannot be much fun to ride. I would cool this out for the time being since it is more a detriment to you and him at this point.
And I don't know if it's a bad thing or not.......
Met this very nice guy on OKCupid. We've been on maybe 8 dates? And other than a few awkward hugs there's been no indication that he's interested in physical affection. Sometimes he actively places the car between us so that there is no opportunity for the awkward hug. He did send a text asking if he could hold my hand at the movies, and when we were at the movies my hand was out there to be held, but he didn't hold it. He did clutch my arm briefly in a scary moment, but that was all.
The thing is, I'm not sure if I WANT him to be more than friends. I really enjoy his company, he puts up with my introverted nature, he reads books and generally has something to talk about, like news of the day, politics (which we agree on) and he's very funny. He is in many ways exactly what I'm looking for, but I don't find him at all attractive. Plus he is a cyclist, so his weekends are consumed by very long (60 miles!) bike rides which leave him too tired to do much dating on Saturday/Sunday nights which is when dating is most convenient for me. He does not seem inclined to say "Hey, I was planning to ride this saturday but I'd rather spend the day with you..." so there's that.
So I'm not taking any initiative either. Last night we walked to dinner and I kept my hand on his side free so he could hold it if he wanted to, but I didn't grab his hand so I'm as guilty as he is of keeping us in the friend zone.
Part of my problem is that since menopause I've had no interest in sex. I've tried it a few times and had very little physical response so what's the point? Maybe he isn't interested either?
I'm not sure what to do.
Maybe you two can just be friends. A conversation is definitely in order here, and sooner than later, because he may actually be looking for a woman who *is* attracted to him, and it's not right to just keep going on these dates if you're not feeling anything for him other than platonic friendship. If the spark's not there, it's just not there. But I would not settle and try and force a sexless relationship on a man I wasn't physically attracted to.
And I don't know if it's a bad thing or not.......
Met this very nice guy on OKCupid. We've been on maybe 8 dates? And other than a few awkward hugs there's been no indication that he's interested in physical affection. Sometimes he actively places the car between us so that there is no opportunity for the awkward hug. He did send a text asking if he could hold my hand at the movies, and when we were at the movies my hand was out there to be held, but he didn't hold it. He did clutch my arm briefly in a scary moment, but that was all.
The thing is, I'm not sure if I WANT him to be more than friends. I really enjoy his company, he puts up with my introverted nature, he reads books and generally has something to talk about, like news of the day, politics (which we agree on) and he's very funny. He is in many ways exactly what I'm looking for, but I don't find him at all attractive. Plus he is a cyclist, so his weekends are consumed by very long (60 miles!) bike rides which leave him too tired to do much dating on Saturday/Sunday nights which is when dating is most convenient for me. He does not seem inclined to say "Hey, I was planning to ride this saturday but I'd rather spend the day with you..." so there's that.
So I'm not taking any initiative either. Last night we walked to dinner and I kept my hand on his side free so he could hold it if he wanted to, but I didn't grab his hand so I'm as guilty as he is of keeping us in the friend zone.
Part of my problem is that since menopause I've had no interest in sex. I've tried it a few times and had very little physical response so what's the point? Maybe he isn't interested either?
I'm not sure what to do.
From your description it seems that he's also feeling a lack of chemistry. If you enjoy spending time with him, then have a conversation with him and perhaps you can continue having a platonic relationship with him. If you have no interest in having a sexual relationship, you can explore having a companionship or friendship. And yeah, maybe he would be interested in that kind of a relationship as well.
IMO, as a mature adult, you should feel confident in having a conversation about what's going on especially with someone that you have little investment in (as should he) - you have nothing to lose by saying what's on your mind.
I don't understand you. You are disappointed he doesn't try more but then you say you are not attracted anyway and generally not interested in sex. So, what do you want?? You want him to kiss you so you can reject him and feel better about yourself because he is interested?
You found a new friend. Why not enjoy it? He sounds perfect .... no?
And I don't know if it's a bad thing or not.......
Met this very nice guy on OKCupid. We've been on maybe 8 dates? And other than a few awkward hugs there's been no indication that he's interested in physical affection. Sometimes he actively places the car between us so that there is no opportunity for the awkward hug. He did send a text asking if he could hold my hand at the movies, and when we were at the movies my hand was out there to be held, but he didn't hold it. He did clutch my arm briefly in a scary moment, but that was all.
The thing is, I'm not sure if I WANT him to be more than friends. I really enjoy his company, he puts up with my introverted nature, he reads books and generally has something to talk about, like news of the day, politics (which we agree on) and he's very funny. He is in many ways exactly what I'm looking for, but I don't find him at all attractive. Plus he is a cyclist, so his weekends are consumed by very long (60 miles!) bike rides which leave him too tired to do much dating on Saturday/Sunday nights which is when dating is most convenient for me. He does not seem inclined to say "Hey, I was planning to ride this saturday but I'd rather spend the day with you..." so there's that.
So I'm not taking any initiative either. Last night we walked to dinner and I kept my hand on his side free so he could hold it if he wanted to, but I didn't grab his hand so I'm as guilty as he is of keeping us in the friend zone.
Part of my problem is that since menopause I've had no interest in sex. I've tried it a few times and had very little physical response so what's the point? Maybe he isn't interested either?
It's not? It's not working romantically, but it seems like it may be working on a different level. I wouldn't say just move on from him altogether if they are working on a platonic level and both are OK with it.
8 dates is a good number. It's also enough or a bit more than enough to start asking serious questions. I mean, you know you and him are willing to (still) meet each other. So, that's something. You know the situation best. So you probably sense some potential interest but that he has a weird phobia of touching.
Ask him directly if he likes to be intimate and has ever experienced these things. If he hasn't but wants to try, let him try. If he doesn't want to try (in a private space), then time to move on unless you want this kind of relationship.
It's confusing and enough time has passed. In this case, Define those boundaries! If it scares him way for you to ask, you have your answer!
If the context of the situation doesn't allow you to ask on the next date, you unfortunately have your answer!
If you're too uncomfortable to ask yourself, well, unfortunately you also have your answer and you might be too socially anxious for dating if that is the case (I don't get this vibe from you, but putting it out there.)
Last edited by chessimprov; 04-09-2024 at 03:15 PM..
Reason: context
I don't understand you. You are disappointed he doesn't try more but then you say you are not attracted anyway and generally not interested in sex. So, what do you want?? You want him to kiss you so you can reject him and feel better about yourself because he is interested?
You found a new friend. Why not enjoy it? He sounds perfect .... no?
Yep, same thing l was thinking and with rabbit to.
Wth do you care or trying to hold hands or kiss or cuddle then anyway, that's not friends, yet that's all you say you want so, all should be well.
lf you aren't into him any further than that then anything more is just gonna be wasting everyone's time anyway. Not to mention end up even awkwarder than they are now.
Last edited by randomx; 04-09-2024 at 04:48 PM..
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