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And I don't know if it's a bad thing or not.......
Met this very nice guy on OKCupid. We've been on maybe 8 dates? And other than a few awkward hugs there's been no indication that he's interested in physical affection. Sometimes he actively places the car between us so that there is no opportunity for the awkward hug. He did send a text asking if he could hold my hand at the movies, and when we were at the movies my hand was out there to be held, but he didn't hold it. He did clutch my arm briefly in a scary moment, but that was all.
The thing is, I'm not sure if I WANT him to be more than friends. I really enjoy his company, he puts up with my introverted nature, he reads books and generally has something to talk about, like news of the day, politics (which we agree on) and he's very funny. He is in many ways exactly what I'm looking for, but I don't find him at all attractive. Plus he is a cyclist, so his weekends are consumed by very long (60 miles!) bike rides which leave him too tired to do much dating on Saturday/Sunday nights which is when dating is most convenient for me. He does not seem inclined to say "Hey, I was planning to ride this saturday but I'd rather spend the day with you..." so there's that.
So I'm not taking any initiative either. Last night we walked to dinner and I kept my hand on his side free so he could hold it if he wanted to, but I didn't grab his hand so I'm as guilty as he is of keeping us in the friend zone.
Part of my problem is that since menopause I've had no interest in sex. I've tried it a few times and had very little physical response so what's the point? Maybe he isn't interested either?
I'm not sure what to do.
If you're not attracted to someone (regardless of age or stage of life) then it's a bit pointless. As men, we may seem a bit dense and naive, but WE KNOW when a woman is not hot for us. Even an introvert gives clues. So here are some of my questions (forgive me if you've already answered these)
✓ Why are you dating a guy you find unattractive
✓ Why date at all if the response to sex was "little physical response so what's the point"
✓ What's wrong with the friend zone if sexual desire doesn't exist
✓ When most guys don't get a physical response for sex (better known as ED) diet, exercise, and Cialis can help. For some women, over the counter lube and estrogen can help. Have those options been examined (you don't have to answer this one, just some food for thought; and for the record I am not embarrassed about my Cialis usage from time to time.)
✓ "He is in many ways exactly what I'm looking for" has broken many hearts and damaged many egos. You're like all of us, you want someone who can arouse you and a decent resume isn't necessarily the fireworks starter. For me, my first fireworks came from a bipolar drug addict with a shoplifting habit; but that azz tho!!!
So here's what you do. Let him know that you want more from him than just a friendship. This will take coming out of your introverted self, but it seems you're more capable of making the first real move than he is. After you've made the first move, you'll either discover that he doesn't arouse you or he does. The mall and Walmart shoplifter wasn't attractive to me at all (except for her butt). However, arousal was a different story. I wasn't expecting arousal from her at all until it just happened. If this guy is great at making love, then he'll look good to you (it's weird how that works).
Quite the contrary, I value his friendship. Friends of any kind are hard to come by.
Bottom line, most people aren't using dating apps to make friends of the opposite sex. It's important to be respectful of other's time and resources. Entertainment is pricey. Cost of dining has gone up exponentially in my city. Even time is expensive these days, and there's so little to waste..
Have you tried volunteering @ a retirement home for the elderly? Great way to make friends. They are the real deal, too.
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