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I think the types that hit on married people are the types that deep down inside don't want to be pinned down but instead want the icing but not the cake. I think that they want the power of being able to seduce a married person away from their spouse, I think that they like that someone wants them but can't fully commit because they are married.
I think the types that hit on married people are the types that deep down inside don't want to be pinned down but instead want the icing but not the cake. I think that they want the power of being able to seduce a married person away from their spouse, I think that they like that someone wants them but can't fully commit because they are married.
Right on! And there's the build-in excuse, so you don't have to look into your own emotional unavailability.
Yup. Not in my own marriage, but my wife has been asked to cover for a friend before. She wouldn't do it, but two other girls in her group did. She's no longer on speaking terms with them.
I believe we're just animals; animals that have taken Nair baths and invented a few fancy gimmicks, granted, but animals nonetheless. How many species do you know of that mate for life? VERY few. Mostly you see animals engaging not in love, but in primitive lust - because that's what drives them and ensures the species and let's them get through one more day. One might say it's natural for them to behave this way, no?
Then how are we any different?
Humans have the capacity to choose. We can choose to follow base instincts and do whatever feels good, or we can choose to remain loyal to the promise of "til death do us part." And if there is truly a problem with the marriage, then the two people in the marriage can choose to work on it.
Humans have the capacity to choose. We can choose to follow base instincts and do whatever feels good, or we can choose to remain loyal to the promise of "til death do us part." And if there is truly a problem with the marriage, then the two people in the marriage can choose to work on it.
With all due respect, have you ever been in such a situation? I'll grant you that yes, we seem to have the ability to choose (as do animals), but sometimes that capacity flies right out the window, all platitudes aside...
There are certain hard-wired traits within animals and humans that cannot be overridden. Because of that, I'm not sure if the loyalty trait would outweigh the survival trait. Survival is pretty much #1 on everyone's list. Now perhaps humans can con themselves into believing they would choose the right path, but it's all smoke and mirrors. When you're staring what appears to be imminent death in the face, you'll make the right choice based upon survival instinct, not morals or loyalties.
I would not call the choice of whether of not to cheat on one's mate a matter of survival. In an overpopulated planet, mating can hardly be called survival instincts.
And to answer your question, yes i have had that option, and no, i haven't taken it. If everyone who had that option acted like animals, the failure rate for marriage would be a lot higher than 50%.
I would not call the choice of whether of not to cheat on one's mate a matter of survival.
You haven't had the mates I'VE had...
There's all sorts of survival. "I have to get out of here before I KILL that $&@#!!!" I think qualifies as a kind of survival.
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In an overpopulated planet, mating can hardly be called survival instincts.
That's just it - it still is. That's the definition of "hard-wired" - you do it instead of what otherwise would be a rational, logical action. Thousands and thousands of years of practice produces knee-jerk reactions at a very deep level. We can put the gloss of modernity over it and think we're above it, but we aren't.
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And to answer your question, yes i have had that option, and no, i haven't taken it. If everyone who had that option acted like animals, the failure rate for marriage would be a lot higher than 50%.
Then congratulations - your situation wasn't that life-threatening.
As a BTW - that 50% number is quite suspect by now - I believe it's nowhere near that...
I don't think it would be easy, but I personally can tell you that I think I would stay with my husband even if he did cheat on me and I do not let myself get close to other men, married or otherwise.
I believe that my husband should be my only real male friend. I think that women tend to get too close to men thinking that since they are married it is a harmless friendship, but when you put yourself in the position to become close to someone that is not your SO, you are treading on dangerous territory. My husband is the same way. He works with 99.9% men and I work with mostly women, so neither of us is really in a situation where we are meeting or in any position to get close to people of the opposite gender.
Also, the class of people who I associate with will never cover up for friends who are cheating. We just dont play those kinds of games!
Also, the class of people who I associate with will never cover up for friends who are cheating. We just dont play those kinds of games!
With all due respect to your friends, I've spanned the gamut of "classes" in my life and the one constant is that ALL classes will do ANYTHING given enough upside...
On occasion, I've told a couple of my male co-workers that I loved them. Some are married, some not, but they all know that I have a serious boyfriend that I live with. And one guy likes to tell everyone that I am his future wife. To me, when I say it, it's giving them a compliment, that I hold them in high esteem, that they are worthy of being loved. And it's for a job well done. I say it in a respectful non-sleazy, non-suggestive way. Who doesn't want a little adulation from a fan?
But I would never say it to a man that might take it the wrong way and think that I actually want to sleep with him.
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