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While you have been married, have you had someone who is very attracted to you (emotionally or physically)?
Many of my male friends are always telling me that is far easier to attract a women since they got married. It seems like many women love married guys. Especially if the man is happily married. One guy I know since he got married has had so many women (mostly married themselves) throw them selves at him. He thinks it is funny because when he was single he could rarely get a date.
One women who he befriended at work told him recently that she was falling in love with him.
What gives?
Last edited by Refugee56; 09-11-2008 at 07:07 AM..
Yep. It's pretty common, actually, based on my experiences of fending off a few married women. And, no, I don't encourage it. Without being vain, I'm a nice looking guy who dresses well, stays in shape, has a full head of hair, writes for a living, and is a good conversationalist. According to my wife, I understand women, and they find it easy to talk to me.
So here's the skinny on that. Lots of women have a very idealized view of their relationships, particularly if they marry young. They've been raised on a steady diet of Disney movies, chick flicks, and Silhouette Romances. They find a good-looking guy when they're 21 who is kind of funny, nice to them, and is good in the sack. Next thing you know, a few months or a year or two after graduation, they walk down the aisle past the dewy-eyed congregation, say "I do," and then think their lives are going to be this perfect forever.
Yet, all people change, and the wedding ceremony is not the finish line. The hard part comes after the honeymoon. Suddenly, you have to deal with the not-so-fun problems of a relationship such as money, or which family to see at Thanksgiving and Christmas, whether she gets to go to the beach with the girls, or if he can play poker Thursday night when the wife's friend is throwing a dinner party. Or the guy watches ESPN every night, just the way he did when she was dating. Only now it's annoying and leading to a boring life.
She soldiers on for a while. She tells everybody how happy she is and how she'll love him forever and ever (By the way, the surest, no-fail sign of a relationship circling the bowl is somebody who talks about how happy she is at the drop of a hat. If she's really that happy, or hubby is that wonderful, then why is she trying so hard to convince people?). But the kids come, or he starts working long hours at the office, or both.
Suddenly, about the time she hits 35, there's no Mr. Right or Prince Charming or Knight in Shining Armor in her life anymore (By the way, if you find yourself using these words in your own romantic life, stop doing it. It tells the world that you are a child in a woman's body, a person whose expectations are so unrealistic that no man can possibly fulfill them). There's a gaping hole in her idealistic universe, and it's all his fault, dammit. So she has a glass of wine with her friends, and shyly brings up her misgivings. And her friends chime in with their complaints about their husbands. Suddenly, they're all sitting around validating each other while they complain about their husbands.
Then one of them harmlessly flirts with some guy at the bar. You know, just to show that she's still got it. Soon, it becomes sport for them. They go on girls trips to the beach and go dancing. Then, one night, things get really wild. Somebody doesn't come back to the hotel room that night. The other women say, "Hey, what happens at the beach, stays at the beach." The next thing you know, the woman in question basically has a green light to bang somebody on the next girl's night, all because her dutiful husband isn't fun and games all the time. She becomes an attention junkie, and her friends egg her on. Some of them because they're doing the same thing and it makes their own behavior seem acceptable. Others egg her on because she has become their source of entertainment and gossip.
Either way, her conscience no longer bothers her as some guy is knocking boots with her on the sly, because it's all the husband's fault. Oh, she might throw out the token, "Well, part of it is me," but she's really blaming hubby for her infidelity. She loves the continual rush of new romance, and she really doesn't care anymore how she gets it.
And, lest you say, "Why that would NEVER happen with me," I have to say that I've seen it happen with a lot of good marriages.
Well it might not be in the Dictionary but I believe love is supposed to carry a tad of commitment and soooo......
Technically, you would be right. But love and lust are interchanged in our culture.
Another aspect of your question when it comes to unmarried women: They're competitive. They see a guy that, supposedly, they can't have. What's more, because the guy is in a happy marriage, then he has the capacity to make them happy--particularly when they're dating a bunch of immature, self-aborbed man-children. My wife, who listens to the gossip and had lots of single friends, told me that a good portion of her friends were bedding married guys at one time or another by the time they hit 26 or 28, and that more were just too afraid to tell her.
It just goes back to the "you want what you can't have."
I attracted men like nuts when I was married - all because of what my wedding ring symbolized. "Taken," - "Don't touch," - "Back off." I did not once act on anything, although flattered, my vows meant the world to me.
When I got divorced and no longer wore the ring - the attention from men deceased. Guess what - I now intentionally wear another ring that looks just like a wedding ring on my left hand. I am back in biz, this time - single.
Either way, her conscience no longer bothers her as some guy is knocking boots with her on the sly, because it's all the husband's fault. Oh, she might throw out the token, "Well, part of it is me," but she's really blaming hubby for her infidelity. She loves the continual rush of new romance, and she really doesn't care anymore how she gets it.
And, lest you say, "Why that would NEVER happen with me," I have to say that I've seen it happen with a lot of good marriages.
And is the noble, ancient tradition of marriage not at least partially to blame here?
I mean, as an artificially-forced relationship "glue", marriage has the inside track. It's socially accepted; it appeals to that little-girl fantasy machine you spoke of; it even has an entire industry in support of it. Best yet - it has the blessing of the Front Office.
But that doesn't negate the fact that it's artificial. Nor does it alleviate the stress, uncertainty and sheer terror of the concept of being with one person for the rest of your life. Yes, it might appeal to some - and I'm sure those "some" will be responding to this tout de suite as to how uncouth and frustrated and un-marriage-material-like I am.
BS.
I believe we're just animals; animals that have taken Nair baths and invented a few fancy gimmicks, granted, but animals nonetheless. How many species do you know of that mate for life? VERY few. Mostly you see animals engaging not in love, but in primitive lust - because that's what drives them and ensures the species and let's them get through one more day. One might say it's natural for them to behave this way, no?
I believe we're just animals; animals that have taken Nair baths and invented a few fancy gimmicks, granted, but animals nonetheless. How many species do you know of that mate for life? VERY few. Mostly you see animals engaging not in love, but in primitive lust - because that's what drives them and ensures the species and let's them get through one more day. One might say it's natural for them to behave this way, no?
Then how are we any different?
If it weren't for the advent of guilt....ah! utopia
I believe we're just animals; animals that have taken Nair baths and invented a few fancy gimmicks, granted, but animals nonetheless. How many species do you know of that mate for life? VERY few. Mostly you see animals engaging not in love, but in primitive lust - because that's what drives them and ensures the species and let's them get through one more day. One might say it's natural for them to behave this way, no?
Then how are we any different?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rcm58
If it weren't for the advent of guilt....ah! utopia
While you have been married, have you had someone who is very attracted to you (emotionally or physically)?
Many of my male friends are always telling me that is far easier to attract a women since they got married. It seems like many women love married guys. Especially if the man is happily married. One guy I know since he got married has had so many women (mostly married themselves) throw them selves at him. He thinks it is funny because when he was single he could rarely get a date.
One women who he befriended at work told him recently that she was falling in love with him.
What gives?
It's true what some of the posters said about wanting what you can't have....
But I do tend to stay or get away from men who throw the "Love" word out there so quickly. I'm a bit skeptical when they don't even know me or have spent more than a few hours at a time with me and say it.
What if they don't like the fact that I sit on my bathroom counter and floss my teeth? It's a habit I can't break. It's not a big deal to me, but it might drive someone else nuts!!! lol.
Remember, no matter how cute, sexy and nice a guy or girl may be....there is someone, somewhere who is tired of putting up with their sh*t.
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