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I got into a couple of interesting discussions today with women and we're starting to wonder what men these days are REALLY looking for. If you had the choice, which would you marry?
1) "Traditional" Woman: Has your children, stays at home to take care of them, cooks well, keeps the house very clean, wears very feminine clothing and keeps herself made up/hair done, etc, has sex whenever the husband wants, does more listening than talking, keeps her opinions to herself.
2) "Modern" Woman: Has a full-time job, earns approximately half of the household income, if she has kids she goes back to work by the time each child is 2-3 years old, cooks and cleans but expects her husband to do half of the work, is fashionable but usually wears jeans as opposed to dresses, likes sex but she needs her needs met in bed, is very aware of the economy, politics, the world, etc. and always states her mind.
Men--please choose which one you would marry and also mention your age and any other background about yourself.
Given the way you've put it, I would have to say the ''modern'' woman. I definitely disagree with that bit about a woman having sex whenever the husband wants, as if she has no say in the matter. And I want a woman who has opinions and states those opinions freely.
I just realized that this is an old thread from 2008. Still worth responding to however.
I don't hear any women putting down other women (who are strangers, or a hypothetical woman in a conversation) for wanting to stay home and raise their children. Not even the most vocal feminists I know.
Really? Took me about one minute to dig these up on a single search.
Without question there is a subset of influential women who believe that staying home with your kids is somehow bad for the women's movement writ large.
I think it's a very small minority, but the sentiment is definitely out there.
"When women chose to stay home full-time, abandon career and earning, in the name of better mothering, life balance, or commitment to family, we all lose, most especially women" https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-s...%20the%20world.
“Only when the tiresome and completely unfounded claim that ‘feminism is about choice’ is dead and buried (it’s not about choice, it’s about equality) will we consign restrictive gender stereotypes to history,” https://www.nationalreview.com/2017/...gal-australia/
"I was at a dinner party recently where a woman accused me of being anti-feminist. When I asked why, she told me that criticizing daycare and advocating for women to stay with their children as long as possible before they turn 3, which I do in my new book, was anti-feminist." https://time.com/4735089/stay-home-w...anti-feminist/
I got into a couple of interesting discussions today with women and we're starting to wonder what men these days are REALLY looking for.
I'm not looking for anyone as such, but I like people who are authentically and comfortably themselves. If, however, their idea of 'traditional' involved strict adherence to religious takes on gender roles without question, there'd be a clash of core values I couldn't overlook.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anu2
If you had the choice, which would you marry?
I wouldn't. I've designed my whole life around being single and marriage is off the table.
I don't hear any women putting down other women (who are strangers, or a hypothetical woman in a conversation) for wanting to stay home and raise their children. Not even the most vocal feminists I know. That might have been a thing 50 or more years ago, but I just never hear it now...and most of my circles are pretty progressive, so if anyone was going to hear it, I would.
I do sometimes hear of family members picking at the choices of their relatives, male or female...but that's more personal. A Mom who wants grandkids, or (probably much more commonly) a parent who worries about whether their kids will be OK, with the choices they are making, whatever they are. The only valid point I hear spoken against women wanting to stay at home, is that if the husband does not treat them well...now or in the future...they might have limited options to get free of a bad situation. It is very hard to enter the workforce and make enough to survive as a single parent if you've got no higher education or job experience. Hell, even if you have one but not both! Being dependent on a spouse isn't always safe.
But I definitely agree that being a stay at home parent, if you are doing it right, is vastly more work than any corporate job. Can confirm. During the times I was not working (generally because my Army spouse's career had us relocate, and it took a while for me to land solid employment that paid enough to be worth paying for childcare for 2 kids)...I worked wayyyy harder than I do when I have a job.
If I have a full time job, when I'm off, I take time to relax. If I have no job, I feel entitled to no relaxation time. And during one such stretch of time, I also was eating as little as possible, keeping the lights off and the heat turned down while the kids were at school...it was pretty miserable. I did not want to cost us a dime, because we didn't have much money then and the kids and husband's needs ranked higher than mine.
Of course, there are people who slack off, whether as stay at home parents or as employees. I guess it's more about what kind of a person you are.
That is a Psychological mindset more than anything As far as i am concerned. Cooking, cleaing and caring for your own kids etc is your relaxation time when away from the fast pace and strees of working in a corporate enviroment. Which is why i jumped at the chance to give up the job and do the stay at home dad thing.
Cooking especially is something i always loved and found stress relieving - even before the wife and kids existed, and nothing makes me more happy that to see the smile of my own children, and hear the word "daddy". It is so much better than hearing "Congratuatlions you are the employee of the month, here is your raise" I would not even know where to start. I am sure I am not the only person who thinks this.
Besides if you do the "Job" properly as a parent the hours spent should start to substantially decrease after about 6-8 years fo the childs life, as you work your way up the the corprate ladder however - they only get longer and longer.
Last edited by danielsa1775; 10-08-2023 at 02:41 AM..
I got into a couple of interesting discussions today with women and we're starting to wonder what men these days are REALLY looking for. If you had the choice, which would you marry?
1) "Traditional" Woman: Has your children, stays at home to take care of them, cooks well, keeps the house very clean, wears very feminine clothing and keeps herself made up/hair done, etc, has sex whenever the husband wants, does more listening than talking, keeps her opinions to herself.
2) "Modern" Woman: Has a full-time job, earns approximately half of the household income, if she has kids she goes back to work by the time each child is 2-3 years old, cooks and cleans but expects her husband to do half of the work, is fashionable but usually wears jeans as opposed to dresses, likes sex but she needs her needs met in bed, is very aware of the economy, politics, the world, etc. and always states her mind.
Men--please choose which one you would marry and also mention your age and any other background about yourself.
I'm 65. I got married when I was 38 (No kids.)
My wife worked until she retired at 56. I've always cooked for myself and washed my own dishes. My wife is petite and stylish. We had a great sex life. (Although these days I can't... well you get the idea.)
Anyway, my wife is happy to give her opinion, but she isn’t interested in politics or economics (unless it pertains to our own finances.) She prefers music and studying. If asked my wife would call herself a modern woman and I would agree.
My wife worked until she retired at 56. I've always cooked for myself and washed my own dishes. My wife is petite and stylish. We had a great sex life. (Although these days I can't... well you get the idea.)
Anyway, my wife is happy to give her opinion, but she isn’t interested in politics or economics (unless it pertains to our own finances.) She prefers music and studying. If asked my wife would call herself a modern woman and I would agree.
My wife is modern by the defintion that was origional written in 2008 (which you quoted). In 2023 however that defintion is to me more like a traditonal women. The modern women is more like "i dont need no man" and blames misogony every time she does not get that sought after promotion etc etc.
A non-working wife is a status symbol. To pay for a house, two cars, two kid college educations, and fund a comfortable retirement requires huge income or a large inheritance. Plus, you’re going to have the other trappings at that level of wealth like a vacation home, Country Club, restaurants, and travel.
...Without question there is a subset of influential women who believe that staying home with your kids is somehow bad for the women's movement writ large...
Some modern women have an X and a Y chromosome. If a traditional woman has XX chromosomes, then that's my preference. Not knocking anyone's preference or choice, BTW.
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