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Ppl change...who you are at 18 most likely you wont be at 25, 40 and so on. Marrying young is the easy way out. Its ppl not taking the risk to find "that" person but just getting the first person. And while sometimes it works out to be "happily ever after", from what Ive seen it mostly ends up being "I rather be in a relationship than be alone". I think ppl need to find themselves, who they are, what they want before getting married. And sometimes you dont know what you want until you've tried some variety to see what you dont want and what doesnt work.
i think it's embarrassing the way people just "hook up" with who knows how many partners. this goes beyond std's. haveing a few--meaning 2,3,4! partners in a lifetime is one thing. forgetting how many, or not remembering their names? come on now.
With young people growing up with TV the way it is, is it any surprise this is such a focus? We stopped watching sitcoms because they are nothing but sex, and blatantly so. It's sickening. Kids grow up seeing how casual sex can actually get.
I like most of your posts and you are really smart; however, I am a firm believer that most people do not change for the better.
Quote:
Originally Posted by YBF
Ppl change...who you are at 18 most likely you wont be at 25, 40 and so on. Marrying young is the easy way out. Its ppl not taking the risk to find "that" person but just getting the first person. And while sometimes it works out to be "happily ever after", from what Ive seen it mostly ends up being "I rather be in a relationship than be alone". I think ppl need to find themselves, who they are, what they want before getting married. And sometimes you dont know what you want until you've tried some variety to see what you dont want and what doesnt work.
I like most of your posts and you are really smart; however, I am a firm believer that most people do not change for the better.
You're right most ppl dont. But i never said they did. What I was saying is that ppl should shop around because at 18-25 how to you know what you will want at 40-70? You dont..marrying out of highschool or your first love/lay isnt a smart thing to do IMO because you still dont know who you are and havent had enough experiences to know what works and what doesnt.
Then again you could burn bridges with somebody whom was really high quality and good just to "shop around".
Quote:
Originally Posted by YBF
You're right most ppl dont. But i never said they did. What I was saying is that ppl should shop around because at 18-25 how to you know what you will want at 40-70? You dont..marrying out of highschool or your first love/lay isnt a smart thing to do IMO because you still dont know who you are and havent had enough experiences to know what works and what doesnt.
Then again you could burn bridges with somebody whom was really high quality and good just to "shop around".
I dont believe that. Like I said sometimes the "happily ever after" happens with first loves/lays. But more likely than not they just end up being that special person you wish you wouldve have met later on in life or nothing at all. The "shopping around" to me isnt about looking for others so much as it is looking for yourself. How many ppl straight out of HS know who they are and where they want to go?
I don't think you have to burn bridges to know yourself better and develop ...it's too drastic of a measure and irrelevant to growing up imo.
Quote:
Originally Posted by YBF
The "shopping around" to me isnt about looking for others so much as it is looking for yourself. How many ppl straight out of HS know who they are and where they want to go?
Let me say that I am not judging any individuals. I realize that people's temperaments and circumstances come in many varieties, and there is no "one size fits all" set of rules that will work for everybody. But by the same token, the prevailing mores--which I *am* judging--won't work for everybody either, and in fact I think they are doing more harm than good, on average, to the portion of the population that lives by those mores.
Let's look at it this way -- what expectations do we want young people to have as they develop through adolescence and young adulthood and begin dealing with sexuality and relationships?
Here are some of the notions I had when I was 17, mostly picked up from the media and from poor role models:
1. If you don't lose your virginity before you graduate from high school, there is something wrong with you. (I missed that deadline!)
2. If you marry the first person you sleep with, there's something wrong with you.
3. It is reasonable to expect that you might have sex on a first date, or even with someone you just met at a party, bar, or club.
4. It is ok to treat sexual intercourse as primarily a form of recreation. It need not have anything to do with emotional attachment or commitment.
This is just a sample of the foolishness I had come to believe. Fortunately, I was too shy and awkward to do much damage.
Regarding some of the comments above:
I'll agree that my "sure way" comment about STDs was an overstatement if you'll agree that condoms aren't 100% effective. (And who wears protection during oral sex?)
I also agree that maturity is necessary before entering into marriage, but I don't think promiscuity leads to maturity.
Not everyone who marries their first love does so straight out of high school though. I know a couple who met in high school but didn't get married until they were 24/25.
i also agree that maturity is necessary before entering into marriage, but i don't think promiscuity leads to maturity.
+1
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