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I don't know if this is real or not, but I will add my two cents anyway.
Some may bash her for leaving and throwing the marriage away, but she is right in the sense that it would NEVER have worked out. Best that he starts healing now. He will have up and down moments, and it will take time to heal. There is no set time frame, but within the next few months his sadness will turn to anger and accelerate the process. After this, he will start to forget their happy moments, and will think about her less and less. Before he knows it, she will only be a passing thought. Then he will find someone else, start a relationship, and probably screw it up because his trust for women is now gone. Then he will be lonely for a while, and fix his trust issues.... he will find another woman, give her a real chance, and realize that she is better than what he had. He will look back on this time as the time he was with a total psycho that didn't care about his feelings.
Even if she is a troll, oh well. Others have certainly been in the same situation, and will in the future, so maybe some of this advice will help them.
OP, you sound a lot like my ex-fiance. He told me that he knew he made me happy, that I made his kids happy, his family was happy, my family was happy, the whole freakin' world was happy, but he wasn't happy so he felt justified in destroying the happiness of me and everyone around us.
I have zero sympathy for you and hope your husband recovers from this stronger than ever. I know I did but it took a long time. I hope he finds someone nice, who will appreciate him.
Update, He left on Wed of last week. It was very painful to say the least. The kids are on and off with their emotions, which I guess is normal. He is not doing so well though. He calls me and text me all time. He has not come to terms with it yet. Is that normal? How long is the average that is should take before he grasps that it is really over. This is just making it harder on our girls. His emotions are so up and down. ONe minute he is ok the next he is crying. My family says this is normal because it has only been a couple of days and beacause he is staying with my sister. They feel once he moves into his new place (DEC 1) he will start facing reality. But I am not so sure.
I think if you were the one to be dumped you would understand where he is coming from. I feel sorry for what he must be going through, you would understand if it were reversed. It is terrible for the children too, you will see many changes in them, their life as they have known it is upside down. He may go for custody, he does have that right. In any case do not talk trash to them about their father. The whole ordeal is sad and life is not greener on the other side.
I am not trying to make him feel that he is not normal for have the emotions that he is having. I am trying to be supportive of him. I dont expect him to just snap out of it. I know he lost everything and I feel horrible everytime I look at him or one of my girls. I just need reasurance that in time we will all be ok. Is that foolish of me to think in time we will all be OK or have I totally ruined everyones lives for ever?
Do you really need an answer........he may get over it.........but you have hurt him forever. Good job.
For sure. He was a damn fool for even considering leaving.
I agree she should have left. She is the one who is miserable why should he uproot. Then again he is a decent guy and was concerned about his girls. This is going to be another repetitious thread . You did what you set out to do, there is no sugar coating HE will HURT. End of story get on with your life, you need professional help as everyone has told you.
Everyone grieves differently and for different amount of time. He will move on in time, but let him grieve as long as he feels the need to. You changed his world overnight. He needs to go through the process now.
Yes, it is normal. He's shell shocked, and wants to get everything back to the way it was before. Eventually, he'll realize that it's not possible. Then, as someone else already said, his pain will turn to anger.
Look at it like this... You've been ruminating over this for a long time, turning it over and over in your mind, for months, if not years. He has not had such a luxury. You were gone mentally well before you made the decision to talk to him about a divorce. He has to play "catch up". Right now he's still in denial.
It takes as long as it takes for him to deal with this. You pulled the rug out from underneath him. At this point, nothing you can say or do will make this any easier. That's the reality.
For every behavior, there are consequences. This is the path you chose. The guilt will come and go, depending on the day, your mood, etc. Learn to live with it; exercise will help and so will writing in a journal. This will take time, and I don't think the guilt of depriving your children of a stable home life with two parents ever truly goes away. I'm sorry.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MS. Confused
HI Its me again,
Update, He left on Wed of last week. It was very painful to say the least. The kids are on and off with their emotions, which I guess is normal. He is not doing so well though. He calls me and text me all time. He has not come to terms with it yet. Is that normal? How long is the average that is should take before he grasps that it is really over. This is just making it harder on our girls. His emotions are so up and down. ONe minute he is ok the next he is crying. My family says this is normal because it has only been a couple of days and beacause he is staying with my sister. They feel once he moves into his new place (DEC 1) he will start facing reality. But I am not so sure.
I always find it interesting that society considers men to be the heartbreakers, but women can be as equally callous and hideous.
What I am seeing in society is a radical change from thousands of years of history. Previously up until the 20th century if one studies different societies, at best people lived until their late 30's, perhaps maybe till their forties if lucky and a select few till their 50's and 60's. Now with modern medicine, running water, electricity, cars, planes, UPS, the internet, air con, heat, big houses, supermarkets, etc. we are a fat, spoiled society. We no longer spend our days trying to stay warm, growing and raising our own food and worrying about a simple tooth infection that would kill us(major cause of mortality in the roman empire). Pretty much in the old days you got married by your early twenties, coughed out a few children and were fortunate to live long enough to raise them, then dropped dead. We really do have everything we could want to live a comfortable existence. Despite that, people want more, regardless of that they have everything. It's not enough to have a happy family and spouse and good jobs and a nice house, they think they are missing something out there in the wild world(probably watching too much tv).
I've seen in my life women that married young think at some point they are missing something. That because they didn't spend their younger years boozing and screwing around, somehow they've missed "living", that having a good life already isn't enough. So they dump their husband and spend a few months whoring themselves out to whoever and boozing in the bar all night and after a few months guess what? Yes they want to come back. Of course their family is already wrecked, not to mention everything else.
I am appalled at the callous nature of someone that would turn their husband out into the street, cut him from the children and destroy everything else, and then turn around and expect all those involved not to have any feelings. Sounds a touch sociopathic and I think someone needs professional help.
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I'm sorry.
