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There is no timeline for this and no way to know if you haven't scarred him for life. You can do your research on the effects of divorce on kids. It's all out there for the taking. Children eventually grow up and have to deal with their own relationships. Theat's when researchers say the true effects of divorce show. So, the best thing you can do for now, is to go to counselling to make sure that you're doing all that you can to be the best influence on your kids right now.
However, when they grow up, they will judge you as fellow adults and not as their 'Mommy' any longer. Your families hardship has yet to really begin and yes, you're being very nieve in believing that any one will be happy again.
I know I should have talked to a profesional before proceding. It did not go as I had planned. I told him I wanted a divorce but I thought we would go to therepy to handle it and he could remain at home until after the holidays. He said he could not stay in the same house as me so that is why he is staying with my sister. I am trying so hard to handle it as best as I can. We have a session together with a councilor next Monday.
Maybe you could take a few days to show the people on here, who took time out of their lives to give you some really great advise, and show them the respect they deserve by actually following some of that advise. The fact that you ask for advise and then don't follow any of it/ don't even give any of it a try is completely disrespectful. But seeing as how you do whatever it is you want to do to make you happy... it really should come as no surprise.
You've made the choice to break up your family all based on a "what if" list you have in your mind.
Stop trolling the internet looking for strangers who are going to stroke your ego and tell you everything is going to be alright.
Go talk to a professional about it. But be warned... they aren't going to congratulate you either!
Whatever became/ becomes of this divorce is what you asked for. You made your bed now lay in it. The guilt, the disarray, the upcoming financial distress, and the bad karma is all for you to carry on your shoulders. You chose this. You deal with this.
However, when they grow up, they will judge you as fellow adults and not as their 'Mommy' any longer. Your families hardship has yet to really begin and yes, you're being very nieve in believing that any one will be happy again.
Amen to that! When the kiddies grow up and hear the reasons and the "struggles" in the relationship (poor Daddy loved Mommy too much., Mommy lost weight and had a crush on a coworker, etc), they're gonna make their own minds up... and it has a slim chance of going happily in Mommy's favor!
I know I am basically looking for everyone to tell me what I want to hear. That it will all work out, kids adjust. I know that very well may be bull, but I know alot of children of divorced couples who grow up happy and live productive happly lives. I really think that my husband does deserve better then me. I dont love him the way he loves me. Does that make me a monster? I really dont think so. I made a very grown up choice at a very young age. Do you really know what you want at 14, 15, 20? I screwed up. I am sorry for that. but I feel I deserve to be happy also
What I think you are really asking is when can you stop feeling guilty?
1 - Your feelings of guilt or your responsibility for the breakup of the family doesn't go away when your husband starts to heal.
2 - As MommyV put it so well, there is no established timeframe, no averages you can count on. You all will have to deal with what comes with divorce a moment at a time. Some moments will be harder than others.
I know I should have talked to a profesional before proceding. It did not go as I had planned. I told him I wanted a divorce but I thought we would go to therepy to handle it and he could remain at home until after the holidays. He said he could not stay in the same house as me so that is why he is staying with my sister. I am trying so hard to handle it as best as I can. We have a session together with a councilor next Monday.
Go alone to a different therapist. You really need it. If you don't, you'll *********rself and your kids in the long run. Your life is no longer your own. Start being responsible and this begins by getting help. Also, get help for the kids. This is crutial.
vukinjo thank you for not bashing me. I know that there is no time frame just hoping someone has a ballpark figure 3 months 2 years? I know my guilt will not end when he starts to heal, but I think until he starts to heal, I will not be able to start to heal.
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