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[quote=Hans63;
Another way, if you really want to have fun with this, is to print up some business cards that have a fake name, and no indication of profession, with the phone number of an escort agency. When you get unwanted attention, give the guy one of these cards.
I apologize because when I was responding to everything, by bolding it the responses looked sort of like I was yelling and I did not realize it until I was going over them again
Yikes!
Thank you for the well thought-out responses....and yes, I did want someone to provide a way for women to deal with this, but more along the lines of: what signals CAN we send out that men will understand as "do no approach me" without actually engaging in conversation.
Anyway, in responses to your responses to my responses :
You seem like a completely reasonable guy. I am quite sure that you would be one of the people I would readily engage with were you to come up and say hello or sit next to me. So, I think maybe that is why your advice sounds reasonable both to you and others like you.
However, the number of men that are not like you tend to be the ones we (women) are responding to. When you think of persistence, I'm quite sure it is more on "friendly" side and not extremely pushy. That is fine and most women can deal with that civilly and yes, might be charmed even. However, there are plenty of men who start to become: angry, red-faced, stubborn, belligerent, etc. when they sense you are trying to reject their interest. Surely you have seen posts that may reflect this sort of personality on CD?
So, in response...I definitely would be willing to (and do) use the approach you mentioned with reasonable men such as yourself. This has been very successful in those situations and at the very least I have a new acquaintance. That is win-win, as you mentioned.
Dealing with men who can not take any hint of rejection is another animal entirely, and unfortunately, have maybe spoiled it for the saner of you. Tell you what: next time I'm in a big city I'm going to make a big effort to pay attention to this and I'll update you then. Maybe I will try what you suggest even with the outright nasty ones and I'll report back. There is no opportunity for such a things here over the summer, because I pretty much know everyone .
Again, my apologies if my responses looked harsh. Still learning here...
Maybe the very attractive people you met feel uncomfortable because their physical appearance get too much attention. Not trying to brag, but I think myself quiet attractive physically. When I am in public or walking on streets, there's always going to be somebody who stare at me. At first I felt very uncomfortable that boys stare at me when I walk pass them by or sitting in class. It's not like I am trying to get attention, I just like to dress nicely and be ladylike. It's hard to be friendly and act not cold or indifference because if I do, then some guys start to get wrong ideas like I am interested in them and then ask me out. And it's very difficult and awkward to refuse the guys that I am not interested. It happened to me a few times because I just acted very friendly and smiled a lot. Then I learned this trick and it has worked fine so far: try to act cold, and put on a stone-like expression when I am in public. I started to avoid making eye contact with people when I walk on streets. I act politely, but neither very friendly nor smile often. There is still guy who stare but so far no guy has come to bother me this year. I guess I look a little bit hard to approach. What I've been trying to say is that it's not like we are naturally mean, cold or not friendly, it might be just a mask we wear in public so we can get less unnecessary attentions. But don't be fooled by these masks, they may seem intimidating, but there are more to discover behind the masks. Hope this helps!
Maybe the very attractive people you met feel uncomfortable because their physical appearance get too much attention. Not trying to brag, but I think myself quiet attractive physically. When I am in public or walking on streets, there's always going to be somebody who stare at me. At first I felt very uncomfortable that boys stare at me when I walk pass them by or sitting in class. It's not like I am trying to get attention, I just like to dress nicely and be ladylike. It's hard to be friendly and act not cold or indifference because if I do, then some guys start to get wrong ideas like I am interested in them and then ask me out. And it's very difficult and awkward to refuse the guys that I am not interested. It happened to me a few times because I just acted very friendly and smiled a lot. Then I learned this trick and it has worked fine so far: try to act cold, and put on a stone-like expression when I am in public. I started to avoid making eye contact with people when I walk on streets. I act politely, but neither very friendly nor smile often. There is still guy who stare but so far no guy has come to bother me this year. I guess I look a little bit hard to approach. What I've been trying to say is that it's not like we are naturally mean, cold or not friendly, it might be just a mask we wear in public so we can get less unnecessary attentions. But don't be fooled by these masks, they may seem intimidating, but there are more to discover behind the masks. Hope this helps!
after hearing "nice ****" from a few hundred old men as they walk by on the street i think nice looking young women learn to develop an icy appearance to ward off such unpleasantness. or so i'm told :P
a better question would be, why does every man on earth believe it's his duty to try his luck with those women? i think if good looking young women were treated like everyone else around them, then they wouldnt have to be so icy and cold looking.
Because you can't assume FOR THEM that they're not interested. Men should NEVER say to themselves "Aah, she's probably not interested" and walk away. Always say hello and try and 'work it'.
I had a friend who once made friendly conversation with a stranger. She thought nothing of it. An hour or two later, he approaches her, begging her to follow him into his bed, and would not leave her alone until a stranger stepped in and forced him to back off.
Yeah, that was an extreme case (maybe), but the attractive women I know put on the stonewall face to avoid instances like that. Most men (especially the types who seem to post on this forum) wouldn't understand what its like to be a decently attractive female with just a normal, friendly personality. God, even this forum proves that guys are really just looking for a chance to ask any female who "shows some interest" out, instead of just having friendly conversation like two human beings, and god forbid, maybe just becoming nothing more than friends. It's telling that the term "friend zone" even exists - as if one should never seek a friendship with the opposite sex unless they want something more.
I tend to feel bad for attractive women who tend to be a bit outgoing naturally, especially the intelligent ones. Experience has turned the into masters of the stone face. Even being accompanied by other men doesn't help in some cases.
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@ Hans....
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