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{{{{{{{{{{{{{qbaby}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Has your son now realized mom and dad's rules weren't so bad compared to what he is facing now?
Tough situation all the way around for each person but from the info you have shared this is my opinion.
#1~~your son needs to see proof positive she is pregnant. Until then I hope he refrains from having sexual relations with her and boots her to the curb if not.
Your son needs to talk to a lawyer now. I would bet they say boot her to the curb now and deal with custody issues once the baby is born.
Paternity test ASAP no exceptions even if your son and her get to a better relationship before the birth.
Have your son open a savings account then start putting x amount in it weekly to cover future expenses for the baby. If he says he can't afford then he better grow up quick because he already played in the grown up world. Give another talk to your son about safe sex and to never take the word of his female partner that she has birth control "covered". It takes 2 to make a baby it takes 2 to prevent one.
She is very young and already shows signs of being selfish (not paying bills when money is there to do so, not gaining employment, under 18 with one failed marriage already)
Apparently this girl knows how to find resources/people to survive she has since she was 16. There are agencies that will help unwed mothers and maybe she needs to be pushed to fend for herself. Then your son might see if she will be capable of taking care of a baby.
You might not know all the circumstances her parents went through with her prior to her coming into your son's life. Maybe their last resort was tough love but to others it might seem like they don't give a rip. When in fact maybe they have but she wouldn't live within their rules growing up.
Under the circumstances of your son working out of state could you possibly talk to a lawyer for him? At least you would know where he stands legally in breaking the lease, what he would be responsible for in her pregnancy, how to proceed with custody etc. Make sure you tell your son this is not your problem you are only helping him gain the information he needs to know. He needs to step up and pay for any legal services out of his own pocket as well.
It's all just a part of growing up many like to play house but don't want the consquences of those passionate moments when it all comes fraying apart. It is good your son will take care of this baby if he is the father but in the mean time he needs to realize he stepped into a pile he is not financially ready to shovel in.
If she thinks she will get child support she has to put his name on the birth certificate. Once that is done she can't leave the state (acccording to my state laws check yours) without his consent. If she does he doesn't have to pay child support. These are longer things to think about.
Location: Boonies of Georgia ~~~~ nuttier than a squirrel turd !
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So nice to see you Jaxson !
I was wondering if anyone would remember when I "put him on the train". We got over that hurdle, just as I am sure we will this one.
Yes, we are hearing a lot of "you were right, I wish I would of listened".
"To turn back the hands of time".
When she was 6 weeks pregnant, they ended up in the emergency room because she was throwing up all day and night. (Duh) At that time the doctor told her she was pregnant , with my son present. So we know at one point she was. She probably still is, but is showing no signs. And the way she gets all excited about loosing weight when she steps on the scale concerns me. If I were loosing weight being pregnant I would want to know why.
Yes, I will try to see an attorney on his behalf. I am hoping that my husband and son will be home the week between Christmas and New Years, and I have already discussed seeing an attorney then.
I see a problem , (if their not split by then )
with getting him to an attorney without her knowing. She does not leave his side for a moment when he is home. He pretty much can't use the bathroom on his own. When he broke down last weekend(they were squabbling) at the "Welcome Home" party we had, he and I walked off, arm in arm, and were having a heart to heart, she couldn't stand it and had to get right in the middle, until I told her that I wanted to speak to my son alone.
I believe my sons concerns are more of the welfare of the baby, than paying child support. He has accepted that he will be paying IF it is his. And is planning on fighting for custody.
As far as her parents, I tend to agree with you. Hubby and I have said it several times to each other. I try not to pass judgment, simply because she comes up with the most "off the wall " things. I can only imagine what she tells them about us.
Last night, she told my son, in conversation that they (parents) are loving her by not helping her. That makes me think that maybe they are through battling her, and are going the "tough love" route. I can totally understand why. This girl is out of control. She'll ask for advise then (seems spitefully) do the complete opposite. She has also told everyone that mom has 9 children by 5 different brothers. I came across moms myspace and she only claims to have the two girls. And from appearance, mom does not look like anything this girl claims her to be / or have been.
Just as I turn to everyone here for support and advise, my son needs his parents for the same. Yes, he is grown and made his own bed. But it is a horrible feeling to feel all alone in this great big world. We will always be here for my son, simply because he is a good kid, our boy. Amazingly enough, through all the turmoil in the past few years, the three of us have become extremely close. For the first time in a long time, last weekend when he was home, he was my buddy again. It was plain to see that he loves his Mom and Dad.
Everyones advise has been so helpful. Most of all, its wonderful to have the support of both old and new friends !
Location: Boonies of Georgia ~~~~ nuttier than a squirrel turd !
1,950 posts, read 5,163,326 times
Reputation: 2295
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu
How does she know the moment your son comes home? Who is telling her his schedule?
Well, she knows my husband will be home for the holidays and since my son works with dad, he will be home also.
When they came home for Thanksgiving, my son told her. He was hoping that things would be good for the sake of the baby.
So far, they still have been talking every day, for numerous reasons.
So nice to see you Jaxson !
I was wondering if anyone would remember when I "put him on the train". We got over that hurdle, just as I am sure we will this one.
Yes, we are hearing a lot of "you were right, I wish I would of listened".
"To turn back the hands of time".
When she was 6 weeks pregnant, they ended up in the emergency room because she was throwing up all day and night. (Duh) At that time the doctor told her she was pregnant , with my son present. So we know at one point she was. She probably still is, but is showing no signs. And the way she gets all excited about loosing weight when she steps on the scale concerns me. If I were loosing weight being pregnant I would want to know why.
Yes, I will try to see an attorney on his behalf. I am hoping that my husband and son will be home the week between Christmas and New Years, and I have already discussed seeing an attorney then.
I see a problem , (if their not split by then )
with getting him to an attorney without her knowing. She does not leave his side for a moment when he is home. He pretty much can't use the bathroom on his own. When he broke down last weekend(they were squabbling) at the "Welcome Home" party we had, he and I walked off, arm in arm, and were having a heart to heart, she couldn't stand it and had to get right in the middle, until I told her that I wanted to speak to my son alone.
I believe my sons concerns are more of the welfare of the baby, than paying child support. He has accepted that he will be paying IF it is his. And is planning on fighting for custody.
As far as her parents, I tend to agree with you. Hubby and I have said it several times to each other. I try not to pass judgment, simply because she comes up with the most "off the wall " things. I can only imagine what she tells them about us.
Last night, she told my son, in conversation that they (parents) are loving her by not helping her. That makes me think that maybe they are through battling her, and are going the "tough love" route. I can totally understand why. This girl is out of control. She'll ask for advise then (seems spitefully) do the complete opposite. She has also told everyone that mom has 9 children by 5 different brothers. I came across moms myspace and she only claims to have the two girls. And from appearance, mom does not look like anything this girl claims her to be / or have been.
Just as I turn to everyone here for support and advise, my son needs his parents for the same. Yes, he is grown and made his own bed. But it is a horrible feeling to feel all alone in this great big world. We will always be here for my son, simply because he is a good kid, our boy. Amazingly enough, through all the turmoil in the past few years, the three of us have become extremely close. For the first time in a long time, last weekend when he was home, he was my buddy again. It was plain to see that he loves his Mom and Dad.
Everyones advise has been so helpful. Most of all, its wonderful to have the support of both old and new friends !
qbaby I would do the same things you are doing to help my child in a tough situation as long as they remember I am helping them not fixing. I would never turn my children away either, some days I would loan them out for awhile. My son wishes he could take things back while growing up too but he still isn't listening to my guidance on important issues yet on his own. We know we put a strong foundation into our kids it will sustain them usually even during hard times.
Will she let you go in with her when you take her to the doctor? If so just mention about her weight loss to see if that won't maybe cause the doctor to run another pregnancy test. They might let you since she is still a minor I don't know for sure though.
Location: Boonies of Georgia ~~~~ nuttier than a squirrel turd !
1,950 posts, read 5,163,326 times
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This situation is beyond "my" fixing. This is his to fix. Plain and simple.
Just as if he were to get in trouble with the law, it would be out of my hands. Same thing here.
This whole experience will make him grow and build his character. No one has gone through life without turbulence.
I try so hard not to be in his business. She will come to my house and start spouting off about their relationship, and what my son MUST do. I try to tell her like I am not his mother, just another person on the outside looking in, and then she just pushes the wrong buttons.
As far as the doctors, I believe she has found someone else to take her. Which is probably best. I do not know if I could bite my tongue for 2 or more hours with her nonsense. It seems that she does not realize that we (hubby and self) have vested emotions in the baby.
Location: Boonies of Georgia ~~~~ nuttier than a squirrel turd !
1,950 posts, read 5,163,326 times
Reputation: 2295
My son spoke to her last night. They are playing the "hang up" , "call back" game.
She is telling him that he is responsible to support her being that she is pregnant, then turns around and says that the child is not legally his until they get married.
She has told him several different times that the child is not legally his, but he must support it, provide both the baby and her a place to live AND not have any visitation rights. And how will it look when she tells the judge that he threw her out.
My son is trying to tell her that he is not throwing her out, that they are going to loose the place because he cannot do it without any help.
They got to arguing, my husband could here her screaming through the phone. My son asked her to shut up so he could speak, she told him that she would go down there and beat him like a "junk yard dog". Then after about 10 more minutes she tells him that the call is being recorded. So my son asks her if she recorded the threat she made to him.
I think that both you and your son should be keeping a detailed journal of the whole ordeal. Dates and times of all phone calls, and what was said. And I think that they should never be left by themselves. I feel that a third party should always be present, whether it's you, your husband, another family member or a family friend. It'd also be nice to record as many conversations as possible, even if they are not admissible in a court of law.
Many young, uneducated poor young women think that getting pregnant translates into a lifelong meal ticket, whether it's from the baby's daddy or a state welfare check. Right now, what's important is that your son and this woman not have sex until everything is resolved, and that the baby is born healthy. And if the baby is indeed your son's then as long as he is on the birth certificate and paying child support, he is entitled to visitation rights.
Then after about 10 more minutes she tells him that the call is being recorded. So my son asks her if she recorded the threat she made to him.
Maybe he should start recording all their calls as evidence for when they're fighting it out in court.
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Give another talk to your son about safe sex and to never take the word of his female partner that she has birth control "covered". It takes 2 to make a baby it takes 2 to prevent one.
My son wishes he could take things back while growing up too but he still isn't listening to my guidance on important issues yet on his own. We know we put a strong foundation into our kids it will sustain them usually even during hard times. 
