Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Thanks. But you know, I'm actually great in a relationship--I know you were kidding. I view Venusian Arts as 1/3 seduction, 1/3 relationship skills, and 1/3 breakup/recovery competency. I actually specialize in the relationship and roll-off parts.
The seduction aspect popularized by Strauss and Mystery is what I consider to be "beginner level" stuff--no criticism to them meant or intended. They push the basics, that's great. You have to start there.
I'm pretty sure you've already mastered the first 1/3!
Quote:
For me, though, everything I do in a relationship is for the good of the relationship (as I see it)--she may disagree, of course
And so, I am a great significant other, even when I'm frustrating my girl. There's always a method to the madness. No word or deed is left "un-crafted." Whatever will make us a healthier happier couple.
Even though we women are frustrated with men who have no clue about relationships and no desire to get it, I'm not so sure how I'd feel being with somebody that self-aware. It'd be an interesting game, no doubt. Whether it’d be successful is questionable. Thankfully, not too many of those, so realistically there's nothing to worry about.
I see more and more people, both male and female, opting out of the dating scene. Yes, even attractive, young, twenty-something hot girls. This is a mistake.
Take a break? Yes. Leave it entirely? No. People bail because they've reached their pain threshold. But the pain will not go away, even if you leave the scene, unless you have positive experiences to offset the bad ones.
You must lick your wounds and go back to the front. It only gets harder as you get older. More baggage, more slim pickings; don't make the mistake of so many I've witnessed and counseled.
It takes a good person to take away the pain caused by a bad person. You won't meet the former, if you close off because of the latter.
Not aiming this post at anyone in particular, just an all too pervasive sentiment flooding the halls of singledom.
I'm pretty sure you've already mastered the first 1/3!
There's always more to learn.
Quote:
Even though we women are frustrated with men who have no clue about relationships and no desire to get it, I'm not so sure how I'd feel being with somebody that self-aware. It'd be an interesting game, no doubt.
It would be a wonderful opportunity for you to face your issues--since we all have them. I think a lot of women pick men beneath them on purpose, so that they can be the "evolved one" in the relationship. This is the easy way out.
The world is filled with stupid men. But studies show that both the smartest and dumbest people on the planet are men. Date the smart ones and learn about yourself.
Quote:
Whether it’d be successful is questionable. Thankfully, not too many of those, so realistically there's nothing to worry about.
You'd be surprised. Most women I know have no idea what's going on when we interact. It's that way by design.
In regards to success, anytime two people enrich each other's lives, even if it's not for the long-haul, that's a success.
It would be a wonderful opportunity for you to face your issues--since we all have them. I think a lot of women pick men beneath them on purpose, so that they can be the "evolved one" in the relationship. This is the easy way out.
You'd be surprised. Most women I know have no idea what's going on when we interact. It's that way by design.
Don't you contradict yourself? Had these women been smart enough, they would figure out what's going one!
"Learning" about yourself with another seems to involve earthquakes and tsunamis... I for one no longer care to deal with them. Of course, that's what my sound mind claims. Knowing myself, the reality is likely to be very different, which is a good reason to be avoided.
Quote:
In regards to success, anytime two people enrich each other's lives, even if it's not for the long-haul, that's a success.
So say many an author, but it's hard to overcome human nature. When we consider something good we tend to want it for the long haul...
Don't you contradict yourself? Had these women been smart enough, they would figure out what's going one!
"Learning" about yourself with another seems to involve earthquakes and tsunamis... I for one no longer care to deal with them. Of course, that's what my sound mind claims. Knowing myself, the reality is likely to be very different, which is a good reason to be avoided.
So say many an author, but it's hard to overcome human nature. When we consider something good we tend to want it for the long haul...
I think you're too smart for me. We would never work.
I'm glad you brought up the issue of entitlement. It does seem like people go out into the dating world feeling like they deserve only the best. They see themselves as attractive, smart, funny, and fun to be with. They think they're a great catch and expect the rest of the world to agree. And when someone dares to disagree, they get angry. I used to be that way when I was younger. But now I just accept that the other person has a better idea of who's right for them than I do. I don't take it personally and I don't find fault in them for passing me over. It's like jobhunting. You could have the greatest resume in the world and feel any employer would be lucky to have you. But if they pass you over and you start badmouthing the company, that says more about you than it does about the company.
The bargaining stage may be a positive stage, but it can potentially be a bad one. Too often, people who are rejected will try to change themselves, doing it more for others than for themselves. If someone is turned down cause of their appearance and then decides to lose weight just to appeal to someone else, I think that's the worst reason to do it. I work out and try to stay in shape, but I do it for me and only me.
I'm glad to hear that everything you do is for the good of the relationship. It does feel like too many people approach relationships in terms of what's best for them.
People learn from experience. But too often, they draw the wrong conclusions. I dated a girl who had a string of bad boyfriends. They lied, cheated, one even dumped her when she was sick. So she came away convinced that all men were jerks and not to be trusted. I tried to be a good person and prove to her that not all men were like that. But what I realized was that she was holding me to a higher standard because she was convinced I would eventually turn out like the others. She'd watch for signs and penalize me for things I hadn't even done yet. Needless to say, that relationship didn't last.
I would be very interested in reading some of what you've written online. Can you send me a DM with links?
I think you're too smart for me. We would never work.
LOL, in other words you do fess up to the contradiction.
Yeah, afraid I've read quite a bit on the subject, too. I don't retain as much (darn 2nd language) unfortunately, but I can certainly recognize a good and respectable enemy. I don’t do as I preach, though.
LOL, in other words you do fess up to the contradiction.
Yeah, afraid I've read quite a bit on the subject, too. I don't retain as much (darn 2nd language) unfortunately, but I can certainly recognize a good and respectable enemy. I don’t do as I preach, though.
There is a possibility you may have missed, though: There are very few women smarter than me, so how can I but date beneath me?
No seriously, I don't think a woman's intelligence level has anything to do with whether or not she can catch me at my game. I think knowledge and suspicion would be the tools that would get her there, more so than intelligence.
If I'm being a good boyfriend, there will be no suspicion. If not, well...
I'm glad you brought up the issue of entitlement. It does seem like people go out into the dating world feeling like they deserve only the best. They see themselves as attractive, smart, funny, and fun to be with. They think they're a great catch and expect the rest of the world to agree. And when someone dares to disagree, they get angry. I used to be that way when I was younger. But now I just accept that the other person has a better idea of who's right for them than I do. I don't take it personally and I don't find fault in them for passing me over. It's like jobhunting. You could have the greatest resume in the world and feel any employer would be lucky to have you. But if they pass you over and you start badmouthing the company, that says more about you than it does about the company.
The bargaining stage may be a positive stage, but it can potentially be a bad one. Too often, people who are rejected will try to change themselves, doing it more for others than for themselves. If someone is turned down cause of their appearance and then decides to lose weight just to appeal to someone else, I think that's the worst reason to do it. I work out and try to stay in shape, but I do it for me and only me.
I'm glad to hear that everything you do is for the good of the relationship. It does feel like too many people approach relationships in terms of what's best for them.
People learn from experience. But too often, they draw the wrong conclusions. I dated a girl who had a string of bad boyfriends. They lied, cheated, one even dumped her when she was sick. So she came away convinced that all men were jerks and not to be trusted. I tried to be a good person and prove to her that not all men were like that. But what I realized was that she was holding me to a higher standard because she was convinced I would eventually turn out like the others. She'd watch for signs and penalize me for things I hadn't even done yet. Needless to say, that relationship didn't last.
I would be very interested in reading some of what you've written online. Can you send me a DM with links?
Someone who has made up their mind, you can do nothing about. But she chose guys like that and must have been something with her personality that attracted such men.
No seriously, I don't think a woman's intelligence level has anything to do with whether or not she can catch me at my game. I think knowledge and suspicion would be the tools that would get her there, more so than intelligence.
If I'm being a good boyfriend, there will be no suspicion. If not, well...
It's called intuition. We ladies have it more often!
INFJ here -
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Had these women been smart enough, they would figure out what's going one!
I don't retain as much (darn 2nd language) unfortunately, but I can certainly recognize a good and respectable enemy.
