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Actually, I think the OP doesn't exactly have it right. I think it goes like this:
1) You love the other person more than yourself.
2) You love the relationship most of all.
Note the difference. Because both parties in a marriage have agendas, even the most unselfish among us. Therefore, it's always wise to put the needs of one's partner above one's own. At the same time, the partner might have desires that might cause obstacles to mutual happiness. In the sense, it's important to not simply give the partner everything he/she wants, but to constantly ask the question, "How does this affect our lives together? Will this make our lives together stronger?"
The other things?
1) The extended family. You are leaving the family you grew up with to start one of your own. That means the opinions and needs of your SO should take precedent, whenever possible or practical. At the same time, your SO's in-laws are part of your family now. You should cheerfully participate in their communal life, even if it kills you. And if they need your help, it should be given without hesitation.
2) Always spend less than what you make. Save like skinflints, but never stint on affection.
3) Turn off the television. It's called the "Idiot Box" for a reason. Tuning in four hours a night, seven days a week, destroys your life together. It's okay to have a favorite show. It's okay to watch the game on television. But the minute you stopped talked to each other a couple of hours every night, your marriage is in slow inexorable decline.
4) Children are guests in your lives, not your reason for living. If you do your job correctly, they grow up and move out. But if you center every waking moment around satisfying your children, you wind up forgetting the person who'll be around long after the children are gone.
5) The Wedding Ceremony is not the finish line. Like it or not, attractiveness is an important component of your relationship together. Stay desirable to the other person. Push away from the trough. Get out and exercise. Take care of your appearances. You don't need movie-star looks. You don't need to wear a size 2. But if you don't love yourself by taking care of the only body you have, how do you expect somebody else to love you?
6) Realize that your significant other has other aspirations and goals in life besides making you happy. Within reason, it should be your goal to help them achieve his or her goals in life. Obviously, becoming a subsistence farmer in Uganda isn't reasonable for most. But things such as going to grad school are reasonable things to undertake when the finances and the family life can bear it.
A woman should never put a man before her children, no matter who it is. This isn't the 50s.
In my household, my man does what I say, even more now that I'm pregnant and on the rampage.
many men are class a doormats. not much fun to be around somebody you wiped your muddy feet on-- why should you respect such a creature. when he has had enough and rebels, you think something is wrong with him, then you file for divorce, we have divorce running 50% nowadays.
reading some really good posts on this thread from long time married people that know how to keep it together. doormating was not one of the suggestions.
many men are class a doormats. not much fun to be around somebody you wiped your muddy feet on-- why should you respect such a creature. when he has had enough and rebels, you think something is wrong with him, then you file for divorce, we have divorce running 50% nowadays.
reading some really good posts on this thread from long time married people that know how to keep it together. doormating was not one of the suggestions.
I heard once upon a time that "Kids join a life already in progress" So while I love and adore my kids their daddy always came first. That creates a united front. Me and Dad rule your world
And after almost 30 yrs of marriage the kids know not to circumvent the parents
Also, we are awaiting results of my husbands PET scan and upcoming lung biopsy so I may be needing you CD'rs a lot in the coming days.
I heard once upon a time that "Kids join a life already in progress" So while I love and adore my kids their daddy always came first. That creates a united front. Me and Dad rule your world
And after almost 30 yrs of marriage the kids know not to circumvent the parents
Also, we are awaiting results of my husbands PET scan and upcoming lung biopsy so I may be needing you CD'rs a lot in the coming days.
Oh my goodness. Our thoughts are with you during a very scary time. Best of luck to you and hubby.
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It's the key to any relationship:
