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I suggest that every woman should read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". Basically, it says that a wife must put her husband first in all things. That means before the job, before the relatives, before the house and YES before the children.
Also, show him the same kind of attention and appreciation that you did when you were dating. Laugh at his jokes, listen to his complaints, be his best friend and always there for him when he needs you. Tell him daily how much you appreciate him and what a good man/husband he is. Compliment the things that he does and work every single day to make him feel loved, appreciated and respected.
Believe me it works. I can attest to that.
20yrsinBranson
I agree with Burt's Bees - this all sounds great as long as it is for BOTH sides. The Proper Care and Feeding of Spouses would be a more appropriate title IMHO.
I like to show my DH a lot of attention but it had better be a two way thing. Otherwise it all sounds a bit Stepford wife'y to me.
Actually, I think the OP doesn't exactly have it right. I think it goes like this:
1) You love the other person more than yourself.
2) You love the relationship most of all.
Note the difference. Because both parties in a marriage have agendas, even the most unselfish among us. Therefore, it's always wise to put the needs of one's partner above one's own. At the same time, the partner might have desires that might cause obstacles to mutual happiness. In the sense, it's important to not simply give the partner everything he/she wants, but to constantly ask the question, "How does this affect our lives together? Will this make our lives together stronger?"
The other things?
1) The extended family. You are leaving the family you grew up with to start one of your own. That means the opinions and needs of your SO should take precedent, whenever possible or practical. At the same time, your SO's in-laws are part of your family now. You should cheerfully participate in their communal life, even if it kills you. And if they need your help, it should be given without hesitation.
2) Always spend less than what you make. Save like skinflints, but never stint on affection.
3) Turn off the television. It's called the "Idiot Box" for a reason. Tuning in four hours a night, seven days a week, destroys your life together. It's okay to have a favorite show. It's okay to watch the game on television. But the minute you stopped talked to each other a couple of hours every night, your marriage is in slow inexorable decline.
4) Children are guests in your lives, not your reason for living. If you do your job correctly, they grow up and move out. But if you center every waking moment around satisfying your children, you wind up forgetting the person who'll be around long after the children are gone.
5) The Wedding Ceremony is not the finish line. Like it or not, attractiveness is an important component of your relationship together. Stay desirable to the other person. Push away from the trough. Get out and exercise. Take care of your appearances. You don't need movie-star looks. You don't need to wear a size 2. But if you don't love yourself by taking care of the only body you have, how do you expect somebody else to love you?
6) Realize that your significant other has other aspirations and goals in life besides making you happy. Within reason, it should be your goal to help them achieve his or her goals in life. Obviously, becoming a subsistence farmer in Uganda isn't reasonable for most. But things such as going to grad school are reasonable things to undertake when the finances and the family life can bear it.
I suggest that every woman should read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". Basically, it says that a wife must put her husband first in all things. That means before the job, before the relatives, before the house and YES before the children.
Also, show him the same kind of attention and appreciation that you did when you were dating. Laugh at his jokes, listen to his complaints, be his best friend and always there for him when he needs you. Tell him daily how much you appreciate him and what a good man/husband he is. Compliment the things that he does and work every single day to make him feel loved, appreciated and respected.
Believe me it works. I can attest to that.
20yrsinBranson
Will you marry me. j/k. (but I disagree with the children part)
No that is not what I said.
Kids always come first no matter what. But the relationship you had before the kids should be kept going.
Totally disagree about the kids.
Don't get me wrong. I love and adore my children. I would make any sacrifice for them. But children come second behind my spouse, not first. What's more, I think the worst thing you can do is teach your children that they are the center of the universe. Instead, they have to understand that, while they are loved beyond question, absolutely nothing comes between the Mom and the Dad in the marriage. It's how happy and loving households operate, and it teaches children how to function in their own lives and their own relationships.
The woman who married me--the woman who has been by my side through thick and thin, the woman who changed my life--deserves nothing less.
Don't get me wrong. I love and adore my children. I would make any sacrifice for them. But children come second behind my spouse, not first. What's more, I think the worst thing you can do is teach your children that they are the center of the universe. Instead, they have to understand that, while they are loved beyond question, absolutely nothing comes between the Mom and the Dad in the marriage. It's how happy and loving households operate, and it teaches children how to function in their own lives and their own relationships.
The woman who married me--the woman who has been by my side through thick and thin, the woman who changed my life--deserves nothing less.
WOW that is sooooo cool that you think that way. I have known so many marriages that have ended because the wife neglects her husband in favor of spending all of her time and effort on HER children. So many husband's begin to feel like second class citizens after the kids.
WOW that is sooooo cool that you think that way. I have known so many marriages that have ended because the wife neglects her husband in favor of spending all of her time and effort on HER children. So many husband's begin to feel like second class citizens after the kids.
20yrsinBranson
Yep. A lot of my wife's friends are that way. They run around like crazy women trying to fulfill every whim of their offspring, yet give their hubbies short shrift.
Then the husbands eventually get frustrated at being way down on the list of the wife's priorities. So when some young hottie comes along and bats her eyelashes, the inevitable happens. Then the wife suddenly can't understand why on earth she was cheated upon.
I'm not excusing it. But that's what happens. It's also occurs in marriages where the husband works all the time, or spends a lot of time on the golf course or in the tree stand or duck blind. After ten or fifteen years, the wife says, "Why am I cooling my heels at home for this."
I mean, I could literally be off doing something every weekend, whether sailing, biking, or whatever. But that's not fair to my wife.
Don't get me wrong. I love and adore my children. I would make any sacrifice for them. But children come second behind my spouse, not first. What's more, I think the worst thing you can do is teach your children that they are the center of the universe. Instead, they have to understand that, while they are loved beyond question, absolutely nothing comes between the Mom and the Dad in the marriage. It's how happy and loving households operate, and it teaches children how to function in their own lives and their own relationships.
The woman who married me--the woman who has been by my side through thick and thin, the woman who changed my life--deserves nothing less.
Very Well Said BRO..........................................
Ok, so I'm still technically a 'newlywed'....(will be a year leapday - or March 1st), but what about intimacy??
My DH and I are the best of friends...and we have a good balance. We don't spend too much time in front of the TV, we have a variety of interests, we don't think that the kids are our whole world, we take time to go out on dates, we respect each other, we laugh with each other, we support and encourage each other...
But...d_ _ n....if we did not have such a great time between the sheets, neither one of us would be as happy as what we are!!
Ok, so I'm still technically a 'newlywed'....(will be a year leapday - or March 1st), but what about intimacy??
My DH and I are the best of friends...and we have a good balance. We don't spend too much time in front of the TV, we have a variety of interests, we don't think that the kids are our whole world, we take time to go out on dates, we respect each other, we laugh with each other, we support and encourage each other...
But...d_ _ n....if we did not have such a great time between the sheets, neither one of us would be as happy as what we are!!
I just had to add my two cents worth...thank you!
Yep. Burn it up. Do new things. Open your horizons a little. Keep in shape. Stay out of the ruts. You'll be fine.
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what about...
