In love with wifes friend (girlfriend, marriage, woman, lover)

[mikeazz]

Hi all,
wow what a crazy few weeks I am having. albeit its all my fault but its been such an emotional time for me I cant even think.
I am married of 11 years> Have 2 childreN 11 and 8. My marriage was of roomate status. My wife has not salept in my bed with me for years , was never affectionate with me cuddling kisses hugs holding hands. Partly my fault, I never felt the urge to do so . Ifelt our marriage was what it is and it was ok to be that way for my kids, be civil and I basically was ok with it thinkining I was stuck here and will stay for kids. I lost atrction for my wife years ago and rarely have sex. Heres where it gets crazy(. During last summer, I had spent alot of time with my wifes friend. I went out on workmans comp and started hooking our kids up to make them happy pool etc.... I have know this girl for 4 years and always felt myself with her> but not as a love thing more just thought she was kool. However as time gone on and we spent more and more time together we have both fell in love. our love started kicking in hard in August.We stayed in touch w texts and seeing each other from time to time.We have told both out spouses we have fallen for each other because we both have spent out tim eat home moping and just going crazy because we cant control our feelings. Both our spouses noticed changes in us and we gave in. We are still in contact and cant get enough of each other> im very attracted to her and so is she. There are so many issues keeping us apart however. Finances my fear of losing my kids> she has @ kids . i worry how my kids will react. worry of her kids accepting me. I have a house and with economy will it sell? so many issues but I loev this girl so much I have lost12 lbs because i constantly am teetering to leave or stay. I dont love my wife, I love my girlfriend so much. What do I do( ? my wife knows im thinking of her and cant handle it anymore. Nor can I . So many issues with me just picking up and leaving, but i so love her and see my self with my girlfriend. We are so compatable and our communictaion is incredible I am so attracted to her also. Someone please help me(

[gman5431]

Follow your heart. Do what is right. No reason to stay in a loveless marriage. Dont make the same mistake and get married again, by the way.

G MAn

[Mr.Cat]

Menage a Trois anyone?

[sierraAZ]

It's a sad situation for sure... I'd imagine there was a time when you loved your wife. What makes you think you're not gonna feel as indifferent to this new woman in a few years as you are to your wife...? No marriage matches initial sparks and the excitement of the new, but it's the couple's job to keep it as sparkly as possible.

[IZthe411]

Put some work into what you have. There's a problem of showing affection. Obviously if you work towards that in your wife, she'll work towards the same. Divorce, in this case is easy and a weak minded decision.

[cpg35223]

Oh, the same story told the 1,000,000,000th time.

Look, I'm not totally unsympathetic to your living in the loveless marriage, but stepping out on your wife will ruin your life, her life, your friend's life, your friend's wife's life, your kids' life, her kids' life, and will send this little ripple of discomfort out through your circle of other friends.

Suddenly, all your friends will distrust you, because you basically bagged another friend's spouse. How can they trust you around their own? What's more, because you've managed to make your life a lie, how will anybody else trust you with anything?

So, for a little bit of warmth in pleasure, you will throw away your marriage, your family, your friends, and your reputation in one fell swoop. Orgasms last a few seconds. A scummy reputation is forever.

Here's what you need to do instead. Talk to your wife. Just as importantly, listen to your wife. Find out where things have gone wrong. Resolve to fix them together and restore some passion to your life. Avoid the tedious cliches such as "She doesn't understand me." Stop rationalizing your actions. Cut off all contact with this woman. For you are dancing on the edge of the cliff and don't even realize it.

And, if all your efforts to restore matters with your wife fail, then end things. But do it like a man, without all this sneaking around. It means you don't respect yourself, the woman you supposedly love, your friend, or your lover.

[stan4]

^What he said.

[SubaruFiend]

^ agreed

[mrstewart]

^^yep!^^

[ChessieMom]

^Me too.