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Hello, I'm a new member here, and mainly just in the hope that I'll find some good advice.
I have been friends with this girl for over 12 years now, and we've been all but inseparable. She made sure I knew what my assignments were all through high school while I slept in class, and I was there for her to cry to after her latest boyfriend did her wrong. We have always had a good thing going.
Back in September(2008), I moved down south. It was kind of a sudden move. I went over to her apartment, to tell her about it. She tried to pretend it didn't bother her. I could tell it did, though. You tend to pick up on the subtleties after 12 years. Well, I was between a rock and a hard place. I had been slacking since high school and I needed to get something going in my life, so I moved, knowing she wouldn't have any problem dealing.
I talked to her several times a week on the phone, for the first month I was gone. We started talking less and less, and arguing more and more. Well, when we were close to one another, it wasn't uncommon for us to argue. All of our friends always asked us when we were going to get hitched, because we argued so much like a married couple.
Finally, one night, she called me. It was about 2 A.M.. I was as patient as I could be, even though she woke me up. She had been crying, I knew immediately, and I started getting dressed, knowing that she'd obviously gotten hurt by some jerk again, and I was right. So I thought, anyway. That's how she played it out.
I drove 2 and a half hours up North to come, make her hot tea, and sit with her, and let her cry to me. When I got there at about 5:30 that morning, and she was still up, just as I suspected she would be. She wasn't crying anymore, though. She was oddly calm and acted far less eccentric than usual. We sat and talked a while, and finally she said something that hit me harder than anything I'd ever experienced. She told me she loves me.
I forced a laugh and told her to get real, even though I knew she was being real with me. I could tell, also, that my reaction really hurt her a lot. I immediately felt awful, and then she told me that I had been ignoring her for at least 8 years now. I told her that 8 years ago we were only 12, neither of us knew what love was then, and we can't know what it is now, either.
We didn't stop talking, after I got back on campus I kept keeping in touch over the phone. For the next few months, though, all I could think about was her. I started questioning myself. I started to wonder if perhaps I was in love with her. Perhaps I had been ignoring it all this time, but I quelled the feeling everytime by saying that I don't even know what real love is.
I realise, though, that she is all I think about. When I'm near her, it's like I am experiencing one of the most euphoric highs... But, since I've moved away, I ache and yearn to get back to her, like I can't live my life without her. Am I in love with my best friend?
I don't know what to do. Any advice is welcomed. I know she still feels the same about me, it's just a matter of whether I feel it for her.
P.S. I'm also in the Navy now, so relationships are difficult. Hopefully that'll help develop better advice for my situation, if anyone's interested in replying.
Last edited by GD Joe Rogan; 02-25-2009 at 10:44 AM..
Reason: Left a major piece of the puzzle out, I figure.
It sounds like you are to me. Euphoric high + high regard usually = love in my book.
Are you old enough to know what love is? How old are you--22 or so? Yeah, you're old enough to figure it out. Well, stop teasing her and telling her she's not old enough, b/c women usually know these things. And talk to her sweetly and tell me when I can come to the wedding.
Yea you probably like her but she has already put you in the, "gay friend" category. So that means she will never bang you, ever. She has too much emotional investment in you. If she were ever to bang you and then move on, it would kill you emotionally. She knows this.
Also for the love of god, you've known this girl for 12 years??????? Can't you get out of the house and talk to other chicks for a change? My god how many girls go to your school? 12,000??? At least.
Yea you probably like her but she has already put you in the, "gay friend" category. So that means she will never bang you, ever. She has too much emotional investment in you. If she were ever to bang you and then move on, it would kill you emotionally. She knows this.
Also for the love of god, you've known this girl for 12 years??????? Can't you get out of the house and talk to other chicks for a change? My god how many girls go to your school? 12,000??? At least.
Good grief. Why do I get the feeling you're some 25 year old geek living in his parent's basement?
I think you know if you're in love. First, stop over-analyzing the situation and just think about how you feel. Then start looking at the facts to decide if you want to pursue a romantic relationship with her. I think a good friendship is an excellent foundation for a relationship....who doesn't want their SO to be their best friend? The usual hurdle is physical attraction, but you didn't mention that, so I say go for it.
I think you are in love in with her. It just happened so subtlely that you didn't notice. My God you got up at 2am and drove for 2 1/2 hours because you thought she was hurting. That's love.
Go grab your girl and plan your happily ever after. btw, the Navy loves families. (My cousin did 20 years in the Navy and raised his family on the base)
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Why do I get the feeling you're some 25 year old geek living in his parent's basement? 
