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I think you need to attend an "open" Narcotics Anonymous meeting in your area and see for yourself what kind of problems can come with dating a drug user.
Then you should attend an Al-Anon meeting. Seriously.
im glad you said that. it doesnt matter the drug, if its affecting your relationships with the ones you care about, then its all the same. Everyones path to recovery is different, and it cant ever be summed up into "ohh, they are just a drunk or drug addict" its not that easy, most of the time there is underlying mental issues involved each created by our own individual experiences. thus, no two alcoholics will experince sobriety and its frailty in the same way. If you love the person then you love. If your cocerned about whether or not you have the patience to invest youerself fully into the relationship and all that comes with it, thats completely understandable. people break up over much less trivial things. If you have enjoed their companionship then you should continue to explore the relationship, but to back out because he could relapse, or suffer ffrom depression, or that "something" will happen, eve if you dont know what is only going to hurt you. Having dealt with these struggles my self, and having alcoholism in my family, i can tell you how i would look at.
I told a girl that wanted to continue our relationship, that flat out i wasnt in a good place and she deserved better. it might sound liek that "its not you, its me" bull****, but it really isnt. At the time i was still deeply depressed, not willing to admit i couldnt get myself out of the hole i had dug so deep because of my addiction. When, i finally committed to getting control of my life back, i knew i would always be an addict, it doesnt just go away. it is so deeply intertwined into how you dealt with your daily struggles in reaction to your environment, social life, family problems, or whatever that those core emotions that addicts try to suppress through drugs arent going away even if you stop using. Everyday is a fight to stay clean, its amazing how very minor things that occur in daily life that everyone deals with, reminds you of your past. It haunts some, and reminds others that if you forget your past, you are doomed to repeat it. You know him now as a recovering addict, take that one stigmatism out, and look at him just as any one else you let be a part of your life. honesty, sincerity, and and how they treat you, themselves, and others is a decent guide post to go on. Here's the point, when i told that gilr she would be better off with out me, she understood that at that time i was hurting myself badly, and i wasnt going to willing drag someone into my world of torrment, pain, and make them shoulder a burden that no one shoudl be asked to take on. The way i see it, ONCE AN ADDICT ALWAYS AN ADDICT, but now i am an addict who's been clean for 3 years, slowly regained my sense of pride, self worth, and utter determination not to let a drug dictate my life. If a gilr doesnt want to invest time into the relationship, then i can understand that , it is going to be a part of the relationship just as much as someone who didnt have a father or mother growing up, and they feel that they missed iut on something, or maybe they saw domestic violence as a child. PLEASE, just examine everything, before you wonder if you made a mistake and let a good thing walk out. Everyone has problems, why do you think people fall in love? its not so much all their great qualities they admire, its about all the differnt ways in which you admire and appreciate them and their misgivings. I can tell you if a girl broke up with me over that, i wouldnt be upset for me, but for them. how will you find true love if your looking so hard for this ideal knight in shining armor that you evaulute the every nuance of the person before you have the chance to experience life with them? All im saying is dont push him away because your concerned about what might happen, it seems way to early in the relationship to do that. I see people commenting "think about the kids and what difficulties they will have because of his addiction" i mean come on!! allforcats, i know you dont mean any ill will towards anyone, its just your opinion based on your indivdual life experiences, but to jump 20 years down the road when they have kids and make a statment like that, wow......it comes across as though you dont live your life in the now
if i looked at every relationship i was in and asked my self, "hmmm, if i were to marry this girl, have kids and 15 years into our marriage, would she become an alcholic like her mother and grandfather?" You dont plan out love, you live your lives together, accepting of each others faults, knowing thats why you fell in love. If you truly love someone, you want them to succedd and have a happy life, and because you lived in the moment and took everyday as a gift that you had each other, you would be there to show them what life has to offer. i feel sad for people who try to wrap up the complexities of life and love into one sentence that is speculating something 20 years that hypothetically could happen. Relax, and if you enjoy having spent time with them then explore it more, dont sell yourself short on experiencing life. you cant wrap up the situations that havent occured yet into a nice little box. thats like saying during those twenty years or so that you wouldnt have made him want to be a better person. Isnt that truly why we fall in love, because we admire something in them that we feel we lack as a person? love is about admiration for the strenghts they show, understanding that we each grow as a person everyday, and that you yourself cant honestly say you have no flaws (and if you believe in that ultimate human fallacy of perfection and you have no room left to grow as an individual and as a human being, learn something about life or yourself from another person??; well then i woudl tell you that is your flaw, that is the undeniable flaw of thinking you have life figured out, becasue then whats leftof life?, All the surprises, the moments were you suddenly see things differntly and are amazed at how fascinating the world and people are and it brings an overwhelming appreciation of just how fragile the moments we have truly are. to say hes condemned to relive his past, is to say you doubt the power of the love you have shown him, and what a beautiful thing it is to see a person grow into stronger, more compassionate and caring human being because you loved them, and they couldnt imagine life with you not by their side. Life is ment to be unexpected, just live it...so there is my two cents. i know you were asking what situations you might be able to expect by dating an a clean addict, but i hope that you see the point im trying to make. no one can tell you, and anyone who tries to give you scientific reasoning or anecdotal evidence, doesnt know anything about human will and spirit of the mind. I could reel off lame untrue, and unfounded evidence ;like it creates holes in the brain , but i dont pretend to know how complex the human mind is and not factor in the ultimate variable in allforcats's equation he's figured out how to knwo what someone will be like in 20 years. The 'x' factor, the biggest variable in all the world is 'free will', we ultimately decide our own fates by the incomprehendable power that is afforded to us through free will and our ability to shape the world around us and those who we love
by the way allforcats- i think it would be intersting to hear where you got your evidence, because as any nuerologist will readly tell you is that the human brain has amazing ways of healing it self. Drugs that affect dopamine and seretonin levels in the brain do so in several ways, but none of which can ultimately cease the brain from ever recovering, once those levels are manipulated by artificial means it has an adverse affects on its ability to 'efficiently' send singnals from neuron to neuron because of the the blockage that can occur when one level goes to high and the other to low. or in some situations the brain tries to over compensate for the massive release ot seratonin by producing more dopamine, when in actuality you have tricked your brains receptors into trying to offset this flood of seratonin by producing dopamine that will prevent the seratonin from binding the nueron receptors. What we all see is that over reaction of the brain to save itself from harm, but now that there is no seratonin left, and your brain only produced dopamine, it is now deprived of the seratonin and has such low levels, and hadnt been producing more, that severe depression occurs, and the user has ultimately deprived themselves of the one thing they enjoyed most, the feeling they get from the drug; which is why people take more and more, and now are in a deadly cycle of mental depression. The 'holes' your probably referreing to are pictures of the brain in a catscan, but thats misleading, as those dark spots, that look like holes, are actually areas of the brain that have reduced and stopped altogether sending neurons too. it does this in a fight for self preservation, because its a losing battle it shuts that area down in order to better protect its vital core funtions; heart, and blood flow, same thing your body does when hypothermia begins to set in. what any doctor will tell you is that it is more than capable of regenerating those connections of nuerons. People who have been in comas for years suddenly wake up, people who have had spinal injuries, or brain damage learn to walk and talk again. Maybe yours wil give you the capacity to show compassion to those who struggle with their addictions, i have faith
I told a girl that wanted to continue our relationship, that flat out i wasnt in a good place and she deserved better. it might sound liek that "its not you, its me" bull****, but it really isnt. At the time i was still deeply depressed, not willing to admit i couldnt get myself out of the hole i had dug so deep because of my addiction.
Whats funny about that is that I wouldnt even date myself when i was still using. the worst thing you could do to yourself is to thnk he will get better and that he will quit, but just not now. everything an addcit does is so deeply and unbelievably selfish that you acnt reason with them. they have to want help and be the one who follows through and commits to staying clean. Honeslty, you asid he was on crack cocaine.... you dont need to be any part of that. Love happens, dont think you can be his savior from drugs or that you can ever stop him from using. definently can be there as a friend, but you would only be putting yourself in danger by being with an addict who is still using. my orginal post was addressing the much broader question of what sounded like you were willing to believe an addict who is still using and thinking you can have any kind of functional relationship. I wanted you to know though, that regardless of addiction love happens and you'll know it. saying u think it could work is just saying to yourself that you you truly dont believe and your trying to rationalize it. People do what they want, and you cant force change on them, they have to be an active particpant and then maybe they will have the strength to recover. sadly, though, most people who shared or are currently suffering with the same addictions i had simply never make it, they die alone in the streets with no freinds or family.
save the ones who want to be saved, and it doesnt sound like he wants anyones help. Best thing you can do is let him go and pray that he see's his self destructive ways before its too late. The odds are not in his favor and thats the cold truth, most will die with the pipe in thier mouth or the needle in their arm
Depends; I would (and have) date(d) girls who smoke marijuana. It's not a big deal to me; marijuana doesn't make people violent or controlling or overly emotional.
I wouldn't date someone who did hard drugs like heroin or meth. I used to date a girl who did cocaine frequently, and she was an emotional wreck; it was a nightmare.
I hope you can grasp the enormity of what you're dealing with. There is such a huge relapse percentage with meth, crack cocaine, heroin. You should go to the library and read some books on the subject. Read Beautiful Boy by David Sheff.
Who you are and however nice or wonderful you are won't stop a person from using any substance. They have to want to change and stop for themselves.
Does the argument stand whether it's an addiction (abuse) or use (once in every 5 months say).
Let's say the guy had been doing it frequently, gives it up for several years but then goes back to doing it 'just for fun' at parties 3-4 times a year.
Does the argument stand whether it's an addiction (abuse) or use (once in every 5 months say).
Let's say the guy had been doing it frequently, gives it up for several years but then goes back to doing it 'just for fun' at parties 3-4 times a year.
What is the diagnostic for that ?
I'm no doctor. All I know is what I see in "open" meetings in my area of Southern California for AA when those types come in and identify and share. Lots of addicts come to "open" AA meetings. Only a few attend regularly. I have no idea what goes on in NA meetings. I can't identify as an addict.
Only the person who says "I am an alcoholic" or "I am an addict" and wants to better their life is that. If you don't identify no one can make you change. You have to want to change.
Recovery meetings are fluid things - people come and go. A lot of times they keep coming back. Or they might attend other meetings and you may never go to those meetings. Or they go back out and use or drink.
The person you describe might be a "binger." You'll have to do some research yourself in order to find out more.
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I told a girl that wanted to continue our relationship, that flat out i wasnt in a good place and she deserved better. it might sound liek that "its not you, its me" bull****, but it really isnt. At the time i was still deeply depressed, not willing to admit i couldnt get myself out of the hole i had dug so deep because of my addiction. 
