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As most of you know, the inlaws and I are at continual odds...we disagree on everything but our biggest issues revolve around their treatment of my children.
They are not kind to my children. They say nasty, hateful things to them and my children dread seeing them and after they have seen them it takes a week or so to get them back in synch and to stop talking about the miserable time they had and the nasty comments that were made by their grandparents.
The inlaws take issue with everything from my son choosing to be a vegetarian, the schools we send them to, the home we bought and the area we moved to...you name it, they have problems with it. They never call my children, never take them out and are quite divisive with my children and their other grandchildren.
With that said, here is the new issue.
My husband is going out of town tomorrow night for several days. All of my children but one is on spring break. My mother in law called my husband to see if she could take the kids out on Friday, I suppose for lunch or something...most likely a photo op so she can show her friends she "has a relationship" with the kids. BTW, she has not seen or talked to them since Christmas and we live 11 miles away!
OK, my husband knows what they are like and how they treat the kids. He has had many conversations with his parents about it, but he seems to conveniently forget and guilt takes over and he starts to feel bad when they call to see them.
I am adamantly opposed to these people taking the kids out alone. If I had time and space to write all of it down most of you would be pulling your jaws from the ground!
So here's my ideas
1) Tell my MIL "no way!"
2) Tell my MIL we are busy Friday but she can see them next week(that way my husband can go with them and his parents can't pull any shenanigans)
3) or, God forbid, I just let them go...this is actually not an option...just thought I'd throw that out there!
Go with option #2, Mrs. Stewart. They are your children and if you don't feel comfortable, or don't want them spending alone time with the MIL, then have some plans for this Friday (or at least say you have plans) and let them do it next week when your husband can chaperon.
Go with option #2, Mrs. Stewart. They are your children and if you don't feel comfortable, or don't want them spending alone time with the MIL, then have some plans for this Friday (or at least say you have plans) and let them do it next week when your husband can chaperon.
Yes, that is what I am leaning towards...actually, I am a bit agitated with my husband because he should tell his parents how it's going to be instead of putting me in charge of it...I have dealt with my family when issues have come up and he should be able to set his straight again!
He does not like confrontation and is a very peaceful person so if someone's life is not in danger he does not see a reason to get involved so he leaves me with the dirty work and I am treated pretty crappy because I look like the bad guy.
Yes, that is what I am leaning towards...actually, I am a bit agitated with my husband because he should tell his parents how it's going to be instead of putting me in charge of it...I have dealt with my family when issues have come up and he should be able to set his straight again!
He does not like confrontation and is a very peaceful person so if someone's life is not in danger he does not see a reason to get involved so he leaves me with the dirty work and I am treated pretty crappy because I look like the bad guy.
Hmm, souns like mr & mrs stewart need to have a serious chat.
This would not be ok with me at all.
I would say option 2 unless you are ready to write them off for the long haul. If you are, then it DEFINITELY has to come from your husband, and not you.
i cant remember how old your kids are- but i have seen your posts on the in laws before. are they old enough to say what they want to do?
with me it was with their bio dad- at one point, they were just too young, their reasons for not wanting to go was more to do with seperation anxiety, but there came a time when it became something else. i was able to recognize that and let them make the decision. (for us it was a nasty step monster) the other part of that was that i had no problem taking the blame, so my kids didnt have to feel guilty or have to deal with the questions that would come about why they didnt want to go- after a year or so, it became obvious to their dads dad that something other than 'other plans' and 'too busy' was the real reason and he asked me about it and i told him honestly the kids didnt enjoy their visits. he assured me he would keep their confidence, but also see to it that things changed, and they did. they started visiting again about a year ago and its been going much better.
my point is- as the mom- trust your instincts and dont let anyone make you second guess yourself. if your motives are true- then there is nothing to worry about.
Hmm, souns like mr & mrs stewart need to have a serious chat.
This would not be ok with me at all.
I would say option 2 unless you are ready to write them off for the long haul. If you are, then it DEFINITELY has to come from your husband, and not you.
We have talked and talked...he has talked to his parents to no avail and I think he is just throwing his arms up. He also knows when someone messes with my kids I turn into "Mama Bear" and it's not pretty.
I would write them off in a New York minute but his father is ill with a very nasty neurological disease and my husband feels guilty...we have gone years without seeing them in the past and I have no trouble washing my hands of them.
When my husband calls this afternoon I am going to tell him he needs to call them and get this straight.
I can hear my children in the next room trying to figure out which friend they should call to come over Friday so they will not have to go with their grandparents
I disagree. It's her kids. Through which blood line the offenders are related is moot.
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