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Yes, that is what I am leaning towards...actually, I am a bit agitated with my husband because he should tell his parents how it's going to be instead of putting me in charge of it...I have dealt with my family when issues have come up and he should be able to set his straight again!
He does not like confrontation and is a very peaceful person so if someone's life is not in danger he does not see a reason to get involved so he leaves me with the dirty work and I am treated pretty crappy because I look like the bad guy.
I would go with the fact that your busy, and then make certain you've made plans to do something with the kids.
Also, I'm wondering how old the children are, b/c if they don't want to go, they shouldn't have to go. I think your husband has to understand, that just because these people are his parents, doesn't say, that he has to put his children through what they go through when they are with these people. I think, you should all sit down and discuss this as a family and the children should not be afraid to tell they're father they don't want to go. Just b/c they are his parents, doesn't make them good grand parents and they should not be allowed to disrupt the children's lives like this.
He has to understand how this is hurting the kids, they are first and foremost, and as a parent, he needs to be responsible for them, and stop worrying about how his parents are going to feel...and someone has to get through to him on this.
His parents are the ones creating the problems, you two are in charge, and if they refuse to go by your rules, then they don't deserve to have them and shouldn't.
i cant remember how old your kids are- but i have seen your posts on the in laws before. are they old enough to say what they want to do?
with me it was with their bio dad- at one point, they were just too young, their reasons for not wanting to go was more to do with seperation anxiety, but there came a time when it became something else. i was able to recognize that and let them make the decision. (for us it was a nasty step monster) the other part of that was that i had no problem taking the blame, so my kids didnt have to feel guilty or have to deal with the questions that would come about why they didnt want to go- after a year or so, it became obvious to their dads dad that something other than 'other plans' and 'too busy' was the real reason and he asked me about it and i told him honestly the kids didnt enjoy their visits. he assured me he would keep their confidence, but also see to it that things changed, and they did. they started visiting again about a year ago and its been going much better.
my point is- as the mom- trust your instincts and dont let anyone make you second guess yourself. if your motives are true- then there is nothing to worry about.
I have a large age range. 15-2. None of the children like them and moan and groan when they think they have to see them.
Put it this way, on Grandparents Day at school, my children invite my parents and our neighbors who are like grandparents to them. They have been burned by my inlaws when they have been invited to Grandparents Day before.
I disagree. It's her kids. Through which blood line the offenders are related is moot.
It's fine if you disagree. I believe that since they are his parents, he should deal with them. If they were her parents, she should deal with them. In my own relationship, I deal with my own parents and my husband deals with his mother. Once you start dealing with the parents of your spouse, you look like the bad guy.
It's fine if you disagree. I believe that since they are his parents, he should deal with them. If they were her parents, she should deal with them. In my own relationship, I deal with my own parents and my husband deals with his mother. Once you start dealing with the parents of your spouse, you look like the bad guy.
Excatly. Why should Mrstewart get all the bad press when her husband should take his fair share of it? They are his parents and he needs to deal with them.
In my mind I could care a less if I look (or am) the bad guy or not. Somebody screws around with my kids, I'm going to put a stop to it.
My wife was the one that tried to patch things up with my Mom for years, even before we had kids, only to be constantly hurt, left crying sometimes, over my mom's constant shenanigans. When we had kids, and it started with them, I finally said "enough is enough" and severed the damn thing once in for all.
If it were my wife's parents, I would have done the same. If my spouse didn't like it (which I know she would agree- but for the sake of argument here...) I would have NO problem drawing the line in the sand between us.
Excatly. Why should Mrstewart get all the bad press when her husband should take his fair share of it? They are his parents and he needs to deal with them.
This is exactly what happens when I deal with them...they tell EVERYONE how I am hateful and mean spirited when I have had to chat with them but when my husband sets them straight they don't breath a word of it. I guess it is easier to blame everything on the nasty DIL but how do you explain a son who is just as fed up?
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